I know the actor had scheduling conflicts, but Helena and Jesse are so damn cute together. I'm sad we didn't get to see more of that on screen. I would have loved to have seen a "normie" have to adapt and learn to navigate their world. I feel like so many of the other characters either came into it already knowing what was going on or were already equipped with the skills to quickly adapt.
Back when resellers were selling the stickers for ~$5 I didn't mind it especially since there was a period of time when my area was putting up stands so quickly they were making them share their stickers between them so all of them ran out insanely fast. But $100 PLUS $5 for shipping??? For a single sticker? What the actual hell are they thinking?
Before I get lectured, I don't have anything to trade so I thought I'd just see what they were going for now. It's been more than a year since I've actually paid for a sticker and even then I refused to pay more than the same price I would have paid for a coffee to get one at an actual stand.
(Apologies, this became a whole lot longer than I intended it to be. I don't really have anyone that I feel comfortable dumping all of this on at the moment, which means I've come to the internet to dump it all onto strangers lol)
I'm 37 and have just spent the last few months unpacking and finally shedding the bisexual label. I've realized that my interest in men was based almost entirely on the need for male validation and essentially being nudged back into the closet when I was 18. Essentially, while my mom didn't reject me being (what I thought was) bi, she did tell me not to talk about it until I was "sure" aka until I found a woman I wanted to date. I've now realized that that made me believe that I needed to be in a relationship with a woman before I could be allowed to be queer or participate in the community, but I also wasn't allowed (or wasn't allowing myself for some reason) to pursue exactly that because of said need for male validation and not being allowed to be open about it.
I think I was scared to let myself just be gay and clung to the bisexual label despite spending 19 years being jealous to the point of being resentful of women who "got to" date women while simultaneously chasing after men who didn't want me and running away from any man who did (because I didn't actually want any of them, I just wanted to be wanted by them).
But now that I've let a lot of that go and I've started just letting myself enjoy sapphic media, talk about it with people, join the community and make sapphic friends, shift my own writing to feature more sapphic romances, it's like this weight that I never knew was there has been lifted and I feel like a high schooler discovering romances for the first time. I've always been a staunch anti-romance person, but now that I'm consuming sapphic media I'm giddy over it and I can't get enough. I see women together now and all that jealousy and resentfulness is gone. Instead it makes me excited to find someone and experience it for myself.
Which is also just so opposite of how I felt dating men. I felt so much guilt over not being in a relationship with a man as though because I couldn't "catch" one I'd failed or something, despite the fact that there were plenty of men who absolutely wanted to be with me and some even told me (way too quickly) they wanted to spend the rest of their lives with me. But I dumped every single one because they were "more invested in me than I was in them." Which just, hon, you weren't invested in them at all, you couldn't get away from them fast enough. I actually would joke about only being attracted to men I couldn't have and that the instant I started to win them over I lost all interest (GEE I WONDER WHY). It literally felt like a switch being turned off. In fact every single man I have dated, once we broke up I genuinely couldn't remember why I was into them in the first place.
But to get to the point, today after a friend was recommending me some sapphic dating sims it just hit me that THIS is what what I could have been doing the whole time. I've always known I was attracted to women since I was a kid. I remember being surprised the first time I realized not everyone felt that way. I thought it was standard. Women are amazing. How could anyone not be attracted to women? So I don't even have the excuse of just now figuring it out. I just never LET myself have it. I kept myself on the sidelines as an envious observer for no real reason other than "I'm not allowed to" and I'm honestly upset about it. It feels like I'm grieving all the time that I could have been...I don't know if happy is exactly the word, but I guess just free of that need for something that I didn't even really want. I could have been enjoying romance and relationships instead of feeling trapped or guilty or like a failure.
I guess I just don't know what to do with this realization and how to get through it without feeling like I've failed at one more thing.