u/moze05

Okay so I recently reconnected with someone I hurt a few months ago after completely shutting down emotionally and avoiding everything. At the time I genuinely convinced myself I didn’t even have feelings for her anymore, but after a lot of reflection (and therapy), I realized the feelings never actually disappeared. I just deactivated HARD once things started feeling emotionally real and vulnerable.

Now we’re talking again and honestly I want her so bad bro like I want closeness with her, I want affection, I want domesticity, I want all of it. And she knows how I feel too. We’ve had very honest conversations about it and she’s basically said she wants to take things slowly, find a nice path forward, and give me space/time to show consistency instead of rushing anything.

The issue is my nervous system reacts to closeness like it’s a life threatening event even though emotionally it’s what I want most. I’ll spend all day thinking about her, wanting to talk to her, wanting to see her, but then I’ll suddenly get overwhelmed and anxious and start overanalyzing everything. I wake up anxious sometimes, I get nauseous, I lose my appetite, and when I get REALLY overwhelmed I emotionally detach for a bit and my brain starts going “run” even though that’s not actually what I want.

And the confusing part is that the second I calm down or think about actually seeing her in person, hugging her, hearing her voice, etc., the feelings are immediately there again very strongly. Like immediate butterflies. So it’s not that I don’t care. If anything I care too much and my brain freaks out because of how vulnerable it makes me feel.

I’m in therapy now and actively trying not to repeat old patterns. I’m communicating instead of disappearing, trying not to react impulsively when anxious, and being honest that I need things to move slowly because I don’t trust myself to jump into something intense right away without getting overwhelmed again.

I guess I’m asking if anyone else with fearful avoidant tendencies has experienced this weird disconnect where emotionally you want closeness so badly but your nervous system keeps interpreting it as danger? And how do you actually regulate yourself enough to stay present instead of wanting to run the second things feel real?

Okay so I recently reconnected with someone I hurt a few months ago after completely shutting down emotionally and avoiding everything. At the time I genuinely convinced myself I didn’t even have feelings for her anymore, but after a lot of reflection (and therapy), I realized the feelings never actually disappeared. I just deactivated HARD once things started feeling emotionally real and vulnerable.

Now we’re talking again and honestly I want her so bad bro like I want closeness with her, I want affection, I want domesticity, I want all of it. And she knows how I feel too. We’ve had very honest conversations about it and she’s basically said she wants to take things slowly, find a nice path forward, and give me space/time to show consistency instead of rushing anything.

The issue is my nervous system reacts to closeness like it’s a life threatening event even though emotionally it’s what I want most. I’ll spend all day thinking about her, wanting to talk to her, wanting to see her, but then I’ll suddenly get overwhelmed and anxious and start overanalyzing everything. I wake up anxious sometimes, I get nauseous, I lose my appetite, and when I get REALLY overwhelmed I emotionally detach for a bit and my brain starts going “run” even though that’s not actually what I want.

And the confusing part is that the second I calm down or think about actually seeing her in person, hugging her, hearing her voice, etc., the feelings are immediately there again very strongly. Like immediate butterflies. So it’s not that I don’t care. If anything I care too much and my brain freaks out because of how vulnerable it makes me feel.

I’m in therapy now and actively trying not to repeat old patterns. I’m communicating instead of disappearing, trying not to react impulsively when anxious, and being honest that I need things to move slowly because I don’t trust myself to jump into something intense right away without getting overwhelmed again.

I guess I’m asking if anyone else with fearful avoidant tendencies has experienced this weird disconnect where emotionally you want closeness so badly but your nervous system keeps interpreting it as danger? And how do you actually regulate yourself enough to stay present instead of wanting to run the second things feel real?

Okay so I recently reconnected with someone I hurt a few months ago after completely shutting down emotionally and avoiding everything. At the time I genuinely convinced myself I didn’t even have feelings for her anymore, but after a lot of reflection (and therapy), I realized the feelings never actually disappeared. I just deactivated HARD once things started feeling emotionally real and vulnerable.

Now we’re talking again and honestly I want her so bad bro like I want closeness with her, I want affection, I want domesticity, I want all of it. And she knows how I feel too. We’ve had very honest conversations about it and she’s basically said she wants to take things slowly, find a nice path forward, and give me space/time to show consistency instead of rushing anything.

The issue is my nervous system reacts to closeness like it’s a life threatening event even though emotionally it’s what I want most. I’ll spend all day thinking about her, wanting to talk to her, wanting to see her, but then I’ll suddenly get overwhelmed and anxious and start overanalyzing everything. I wake up anxious sometimes, I get nauseous, I lose my appetite, and when I get REALLY overwhelmed I emotionally detach for a bit and my brain starts going “run” even though that’s not actually what I want.

And the confusing part is that the second I calm down or think about actually seeing her in person, hugging her, hearing her voice, etc., the feelings are immediately there again very strongly. Like immediate butterflies. So it’s not that I don’t care. If anything I care too much and my brain freaks out because of how vulnerable it makes me feel.

I’m in therapy now and actively trying not to repeat old patterns. I’m communicating instead of disappearing, trying not to react impulsively when anxious, and being honest that I need things to move slowly because I don’t trust myself to jump into something intense right away without getting overwhelmed again.

I guess I’m asking if anyone else with fearful avoidant tendencies has experienced this weird disconnect where emotionally you want closeness so badly but your nervous system keeps interpreting it as danger? And how do you actually regulate yourself enough to stay present instead of wanting to run the second things feel real?

I accidentally told the girl I’ve been infatuated with for months that I love her and now I want to evaporate

Long story short, me and this girl had a very emotionally intense situationship months ago. I ended things because I got overwhelmed/anxious and genuinely did not understand my own feelings at the time. It hurt her really badly and we stopped talking.

The problem is that after ending things, I basically became emotionally haunted by her. Like genuinely. I missed her constantly, thought about her all the time, wanted to reconnect but kept avoiding it because I was terrified.

Yesterday we finally talked honestly over text and agreed to meet in person today. I was SO anxious beforehand that I genuinely thought I was going to throw up and die. I barely slept, couldn’t eat, etc.

Then we met today and after the first 10-15 minutes, all our old banter came back immediately. We ended up spending FIVE HOURS together just talking, walking around, joking, catching up, holding hands, etc. She kept checking on me because I was visibly nervous. At one point she tucked my hair behind my ear and I genuinely thought my soul left my body.

The issue is that at one point she jokingly asked if I liked her and my brain completely short-circuited and I accidentally said “I love you.”

I HAVE NEVER SAID THAT TO ANYONE BEFORE

The second it came out of my mouth I basically dissociated from embarrassment. I immediately panicked because I thought she’d think I was manipulative or trying to pressure her somehow.

But the weird part is… she reacted REALLY well? She reassured me multiple times, said she was flattered, said she really really likes me too, hugged me, kept comforting me, and later admitted she actually wanted to kiss me today but thought I’d short-circuit

We also both agreed we’re not ready to jump into a relationship right now and want to take things slowly.

Honestly i dont know how i feel and blurting it out felt like an out of body experience like it wasnt even me who said it. I obviously have feeling for her but idk.

So logically I know this did not go badly. But emotionally I cannot stop replaying the “I love you” moment and wanting to launch myself into the sun from embarrassment and im freaking out