u/mralex

Because with great power, comes great response ability.

I feel your pain

Sol smiled and said, "At your wedding."

"Second Prize is an all-expense paid week-long trip to Las Vegas with your spouse."

I was teaching English in Taiwan, and had taken a visa trip to Thailand, and was on my way back with a layover in Hong Kong. For reasons, my layover was about 3 days. I stayed in ChungKing Mansions in Kowloon--USD$5 a night in a room with 7 other guys. I made a bit of extra cash as an extra in HK movies for 2 days--about $75 a day. I used this money to visit the Bottom's Up pub. I budgeted myself for 2 drinks, and I would have enough money to catch the bus to the airport and pay the airport tax.

Sat down, started chatting with some British guys, good bants. After beer 2, I said, "Thanks, gents, lots of fun, but I am out of money. Cheers!"

They said, "You're not going anywhere. You're too much fun to talk to. We have your tab. Sit down."

And that was a real thing that happened.

I guess this is why they call us patients.

Coo 8.

When she fits into your wife's clothes.

Fred drops his bags and heads to the lobby, but Joe has not come down yet. He waits 5, 10 then 15 minutes and still no sign of Joe. After 25 minutes pass, he pulls out his phone and gives Joe a call.

"FRED! Thank god you've called. I am stuck in the room!"

"What do you mean, Joe? How can you be stuck in there?"

Joe says, "There are only 3 doors.... one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and the last one says Do Not Disturb"

He stops, gets out and approaches her to see what is wrong when the burliest Scotsman he's ever seen emerges from the bushes. Before he can say anything, the Scotsman tells him, "Aye. Masturbate. Or I'll yer head off, ya ken?"

In cowering fear of his life, he somehow manages to do as asked, aided by the sight of the lovely lass who he stopped to assist. After he finished, he looked up at the giant Scot.

"Again. Or I'll slice you up from nave to the chaps. NOW!"

Fearing for his life, he somehow found the ability to manage one more go. Upon completion, he looked up again at giant Scot.

"AGAIN, ye tommy badge! Again, or i'll have yer bawbags!"

There was no way. "There no way I can do it again. None at all. You'll have to do what you have to do."

The giant Scotsman changed his demeanor and said, "Alright. Now you can drive me daughter to Aberdeen."

He's speeding down the highway and suddenly the patrol car pulls up behing him and pulls him over. Detector never went off.

Pissed, he realizes maybe he should have bought a better one. He spends a bit more money and gets one that claims to have superior radar detection technology. It costs more, but if it saves him a ticket, it's worth it.

Sure enough, within a week, he's on the highway and the blue and red lights come on. Another ticket.

He can't afford another point on his license, so he goes out and buys the most expensive, most highly rated radar detector he can find.

Within days the police show up behind him again. He's furious. He pulls the detector out of the dash, gets out of the car and smashes it to bit on the ground, and is jumping up and down on the pieces. He sees the officer, standing and watching him.

"WHAT? WHAT DO YOU WANT? WHY DON'T THESE POS DETECTORS WORK?"

Officer says, "Just wanted to let you know your left tail light is out."

Horrified, the manager runs over and say, "Sir... is there anything we can do for you?"

The man says, "No thanks, just looking."

They're making headlines.

Doctor says to me, "You'll have to be a little patient."

… it only had 64 trilobytes of memory.

He looks like an Olympic gymnast, and she's barely able to keep from drooling. He asks her, "Do you need help bringing these bags to your car?" She says, "Yes, please." As they're walking out, she thinks I have to make some kind of move. She taps his arm, and whispers, "I've got an itchy pussy." He says, "What?" She says slightly louder, "I've got... an itchy... pussy." He looks confused, and says, "I'm sorry, could you say that one more time please?" She stops and say clearly, "I'VE GOT AN ITCHY PUSSY." He say, "Sorry, lady, you'll have to point it out to me. All these Japanese cars look the same."