u/msKliki

Hi! I would love to get some feedback on this. Does this catch your attention and make you wanna continue reading? Why/Why not?

Purple Glow

(Rylee)

I never could have imagined how much this one moment would fuck up my life. Our lives. None of us could have. We were just a bunch of clueless teenagers in detention, waiting. Five strangers who impatiently watched the clock slowly ticking, each minute feeling like five.

I sighed, all I wanted was to leave the classroom and smoke a cigarette. While waiting, I tried to imagine the small, cylinder-shaped object between my fingers, and a smoke cloud filling the air as I exhaled. I shifted in my seat, but it didn’t make the hard chair any less uncomfortable.
The classroom was quiet, except for the ticking clock. Tick-tock. Tick-tock.
This was not my first time in detention, that’s for sure. I’d had my fair share of disagreements with teachers, being late to class or skipping it all together. This time it was the latter. I honestly didn’t see the point of going to classes anymore. I probably wouldn’t be going to college anyway. And I honestly didn’t really care.
In the front of the classroom, a guy with curly and messy dark hair leaned back in his chair. He wore an oversized t-shirt and sweatpants. A pen was spinning swiftly in his hand. I didn’t recognize the guy. He must be new, I thought.
Behind him, a short girl with long brown hair shook her foot repeatedly. Her doe eyes looked watered and had dark circles under them.
On the other side of the room sat a curly-haired senior girl by the window. Though she did look a bit younger than that. She was scribbling away in her notebook, all of her books and pens perfectly organized on the table in front of her.
And then there was, ugh, Larisa Settlemire, tapping her perfectly painted nails against the table. She was the last person I would ever imagine to find in detention. I wondered what she did to end up here, but struggled to find a logical answer to that question, so I gave up trying. She was the only student in that classroom that I had, unfortunately, interacted with. At one point in time, she had been the most important person in my life. We had been inseparable. That was until she turned into the most obnoxious popular girl there was. She was the mayor’s daughter, the top student, the head of the cheerleading team, the golden girl. Or at least that’s what she wanted people to believe. And everyone did. Well, almost everyone…
Mrs. Dale told us she needed to use the bathroom and that she would be back in five minutes. I honestly contemplated just getting up and leaving. I mean, what were they gonna do? Give me more detention? Call my dad? I doubt he would even have time to pick up the phone. But my contemplation about leaving was suddenly interrupted—

CRASH.

Everyone jumped in their seats as one of the classroom windows smashed into many tiny pieces.
“Fucking hell!” the girl with curly hair exclaimed. Her language didn’t really go hand in hand with her innocent face. She sat close enough to the window that her table was now full of shards of glass. We were all staring at the broken window.
“Is everyone okay?” Larisa asked, her eyebrows drawn together. The girl by the window carefully took out a shard of glass that had landed in her fluffy brown hair. “I’m okay,” she said with a shocked expression, purple light reflected on her face.
A purple glow had filled the classroom. It came from a tiny rock laying beneath the crashed window. The rock had multiple holes where the light emitted from, and what looked like shiny purple crystals protruding out from it. The crystals had sharp faces and edges, but looked partially irregular in a few places. It didn’t look like anything else I had seen before. It was almost hypnotizing to watch it glow.
“What is that?” I tried to act cool, but there was a slight shake in my voice. The short, curly haired girl got out of her chair and stepped closer to the object on the floor. “It’s a meteorite.”
“Well, detention just got more interesting,” the new guy seemed almost amused.
“What are the odds? A meteorite crashing through our classroom window!” Fascination had completely replaced the shock on the fluffy-haired girl's face. She reached out her hand to touch the rock, but quickly pulled it away. She then reached into her backpack and picked up a small piece of cloth that she carefully wrapped around the rock. “Huh, that’s weird…”.
I could admit that it was pretty cool that a meteorite crashed through the window. But I mean‌, it was just a rock. This girl, however, seemed fascinated with it on a whole other level.
The door suddenly swung open, and Mrs. Dale stepped inside with a confused look on her face as she noticed the window. The curly-haired girl discreetly let the rock slide into her bag.

Hi, I would love to get some feedback on this first chapter of my story. Please tell me anything that comes to mind that I can improve. Also, does the chapter capture your attention and want to continue reading? Why/why not?

Purple Glow

(Rylee)

I never could have imagined how much this one moment would fuck up my life. Our lives. None of us could have. We were just a bunch of clueless teenagers in detention, waiting. Five strangers who impatiently watched the clock slowly ticking, each minute feeling like five.

I sighed, all I wanted was to leave the classroom and smoke a cigarette. While waiting, I tried to imagine the small, cylinder-shaped object between my fingers, and a smoke cloud filling the air as I exhaled. I shifted in my seat, but it didn’t make the hard chair any less uncomfortable.

The classroom was quiet, except for the ticking clock. Tick-tock. Tick-tock.

This was not my first time in detention, that’s for sure. I’d had my fair share of disagreements with teachers, being late to class or skipping it all together. This time it was the latter. I honestly didn’t see the point of going to classes anymore. I probably wouldn’t be going to college anyway. And I honestly didn’t really care.

In the front of the classroom, a guy with curly and messy dark hair leaned back in his chair. He wore an oversized t-shirt and sweatpants. A pen was spinning swiftly in his hand. I didn’t recognize the guy. He must be new, I thought.

Behind him, a short girl with long brown hair shook her foot repeatedly. Her doe eyes looked watered and had dark circles under them.

On the other side of the room sat a curly-haired senior girl by the window. Though she did look a bit younger than that. She was scribbling away in her notebook, all of her books and pens perfectly organized on the table in front of her.

And then there was, ugh, Larisa Settlemire, tapping her perfectly painted nails against the table. She was the last person I would ever imagine to find in detention. I wondered what she did to end up here, but struggled to find a logical answer to that question, so I gave up trying. She was the only student in that classroom that I had, unfortunately, interacted with. At one point in time, she had been the most important person in my life. We had been inseparable. That was until she turned into the most obnoxious popular girl there was. She was the mayor’s daughter, the top student, the head of the cheerleading team, the golden girl. Or at least that’s what she wanted people to believe. And everyone did. Well, almost everyone…

Mrs. Dale told us she needed to use the bathroom and that she would be back in five minutes. I honestly contemplated just getting up and leaving. I mean, what were they gonna do? Give me more detention? Call my dad? I doubt he would even have time to pick up the phone. But my contemplation about leaving was suddenly interrupted—

CRASH.

Everyone jumped in their seats as one of the classroom windows smashed into many tiny pieces.

“Fucking hell!” the girl with curly hair exclaimed. Her language didn’t really go hand in hand with her innocent face. She sat close enough to the window that her table was now full of shards of glass. We were all staring at the broken window.

“Is everyone okay?” Larisa asked, her eyebrows drawn together. The girl by the window carefully took out a shard of glass that had landed in her fluffy brown hair. “I’m okay,” she said with a shocked expression, purple light reflected on her face.

A purple glow had filled the classroom. It came from a tiny rock laying beneath the crashed window. The rock had multiple holes where the light emitted from, and what looked like shiny purple crystals protruding out from it. The crystals had sharp faces and edges, but looked partially irregular in a few places. It didn’t look like anything else I had seen before. It was almost hypnotizing to watch it glow.

“What is that?” I tried to act cool, but there was a slight shake in my voice. The short, curly haired girl got out of her chair and stepped closer to the object on the floor. “It’s a meteorite.”

“Well, detention just got more interesting,” the new guy seemed almost amused.

“What are the odds? A meteorite crashing through our classroom window!” Fascination had completely replaced the shock on the fluffy-haired girl's face. She reached out her hand to touch the rock, but quickly pulled it away. She then reached into her backpack and picked up a small piece of cloth that she carefully wrapped around the rock. “Huh, that’s weird…”.

I could admit that it was pretty cool that a meteorite crashed through the window. But I mean‌, it was just a rock. This girl, however, seemed fascinated with it on a whole other level.

The door suddenly swung open, and Mrs. Dale stepped inside with a confused look on her face as she noticed the window. The curly-haired girl discreetly let the rock slide into her bag.

Hi, this is the first chapter from my first book. So far I'm like halfway through the book. I'd love to get some feedback and I'm also curious if the first chapter is interesting enough to capture the reader and make them want to continue reading.

I never could have imagined how much this one moment would fuck up my life. Our lives. None of us could have. We were just a bunch of clueless teenagers in detention, waiting. Five strangers who impatiently watched the clock slowly ticking, each minute feeling like five.

I sighed, all I wanted was to leave the classroom and smoke a cigarette. While waiting, I tried to imagine the small, cylinder-shaped object between my fingers, and a smoke cloud filling the air as I exhaled. I shifted in my seat, but it didn’t make the hard chair any less uncomfortable.

The classroom was quiet, except for the ticking clock. Tick-tock. Tick-tock.

This was not my first time in detention, that’s for sure. I’d had my fair share of disagreements with teachers, being late to class or skipping it all together. This time it was the latter. I honestly didn’t see the point of going to classes anymore. I probably wouldn’t be going to college anyway. And I honestly didn’t really care.

In the front of the classroom, a guy with curly and messy dark hair leaned back in his chair. He wore an oversized t-shirt and sweatpants. A pen was spinning swiftly in his hand. I didn’t recognize the guy. He must be new, I thought.

Behind him, a short girl with long brown hair shook her foot repeatedly. Her doe eyes looked watered and had dark circles under them.

On the other side of the room sat a curly-haired senior girl by the window. Though she did look a bit younger than that. She was scribbling away in her notebook, all of her books and pens perfectly organized on the table in front of her.

And then there was, ugh, Larisa Settlemire, tapping her perfectly painted nails against the table. She was the last person I would ever imagine to find in detention. I wondered what she did to end up here, but struggled to find a logical answer to that question, so I gave up trying. She was the only student in that classroom that I had, unfortunately, interacted with. At one point in time, she had been the most important person in my life. We had been inseparable. That was until she turned into the most obnoxious popular girl there was. She was the mayor’s daughter, the top student, the head of the cheerleading team, the golden girl. Or at least that’s what she wanted people to believe. And everyone did. Well, almost everyone…

Mrs. Dale told us she needed to use the bathroom and that she would be back in five minutes. I honestly contemplated just getting up and leaving. I mean, what were they gonna do? Give me more detention? Call my dad? I doubt he would even have time to pick up the phone. But my contemplation about leaving was suddenly interrupted—

CRASH.

Everyone jumped in their seats as one of the classroom windows smashed into many tiny pieces.

“Fucking hell!” the girl with curly hair exclaimed. Her language didn’t really go hand in hand with her innocent face. She sat close enough to the window that her table was now full of shards of glass. We were all staring at the broken window.

“Is everyone okay?” Larisa asked, her eyebrows drawn together. The girl by the window carefully took out a shard of glass that had landed in her fluffy brown hair. “I’m okay,” she said with a shocked expression, purple light reflected on her face.

A purple glow had filled the classroom. It came from a tiny rock laying beneath the crashed window. The rock had multiple holes where the light emitted from, and what looked like shiny purple crystals protruding out from it. The crystals had sharp faces and edges, but looked partially irregular in a few places. It didn’t look like anything else I had seen before. It was almost hypnotizing to watch it glow.

“What is that?” I tried to act cool, but there was a slight shake in my voice. The short, curly haired girl got out of her chair and stepped closer to the object on the floor. “It’s a meteorite.”

“Well, detention just got more interesting,” the new guy seemed almost amused.

“What are the odds? A meteorite crashing through our classroom window!” Fascination had completely replaced the shock on the fluffy-haired girl's face. She reached out her hand to touch the rock, but quickly pulled it away. She then reached into her backpack and picked up a small piece of cloth that she carefully wrapped around the rock. “Huh, that’s weird…”.

I could admit that it was pretty cool that a meteorite crashed through the window. But I mean‌, it was just a rock. This girl, however, seemed fascinated with it on a whole other level.

The door suddenly swung open, and Mrs. Dale stepped inside with a confused look on her face as she noticed the window. The curly-haired girl discreetly let the rock slide into her bag.