u/mtn-goat-mt

I've lost something irretrievable over my inability to consciously regulate my emotions and contain my reactions to be proportional to the situation. I am so tired of my emotions or the intially traumatized child/woman ending up in the driver's seat and present healing me feeling helpless, while also knowing I am in fact not helpless.

I am in trauma therapy. I know the "words" and have I think intellectualized the right things to do when it comes to emotional regulation and management. However, practical application leaves me wanting. I can't continue this way. It's irresponsible. It's costing me more than I ever wanted to pay. I and the people around me deserve better than this and I need the emotional scaffolding I wasn't taught to build in order to create something solid to live inside of.

So how do we do it? From the people who learned dysregulation first before learning to regulate - how do you do this? How do you build a sustainably well-rounded person out of a traumatized, emotionally stunted adult?

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or, I guess, when you intellectually understand how, but you don't know how to apply it? No idea if this makes sense.

I've hit a massive wall with my life. I'm turning around to walk backward to survive. I threw myself body and soul into a creative career that I thought, maybe if I could succeed, I would prove to myself and those around me I was really worth loving (the realization of the why I pursued it is just dawning). It has turned out to be more stressful than I could have ever imagined and contributed to a massive mental breakdown last week where I was inpatient and took me from zealously loving my craft to seeing it as a chore and a burden.

I've lost my marriage over my inability to regulate my emotions and contain my reactions to be proportional to the situation. I have big feelings, probably always will. But I am so tired of them ending up in the driver's seat and me feeling helpless, while also effectively knowing I am not helpless. At 35 years old. Sometimes when I am hit with the overwhelming waves of what feel like impossibly big pain, and when I say it feels like that, I mean it genuinely feels like being upside down in an ocean of panic, I can almost see myself through the eyes of the 3 year old or 9 year old or 15 or even 29 year old who was initially traumatized.

But I can't continue this way. It's irresponsible. It's costing me more than I ever wanted to pay. I and the people around me deserve better than this and I need the emotional scaffolding I wasn't taught to build in order to create something solid to live inside of.

So how do we do it? I swear if I hear 5 things you can see, 4 things you can... I'm gonna cry. Practically. From the people who are dysregulated day by day and go on living. How do you do this? How do you build a well-rounded person out of a stunted traumatized adult?

Yall I'm freaking out a little. When I came out of recovery a week ago from the MTS stent and left ovarian coil and both ovarian vein sclerotherapy, the bad left leg pain and heaviness was gone. Yesterday, 6 days out, the left leg pain was back with a vengeance. Surgeon's nurse said it was likely nerve and inflammation related. This morning it was gone and I was able to go out and run errands for the first time and this evening my left leg is so heavy and tired. Someone pleeeeease tell me this is normal for the recovery and not the procedure failing. I've never had anything like this done so I have no idea what to expect.

hi yall,

After what has been a long and needlessly arduous journey, I'm finally 3 days post treatment for MTS and PCS. My left iliac vein is stented, my left ovarian vein was embolized, and both ovarian veins received sclerotherapy. Christ on his throne I did not anticipate the pain to be this, uh, painful. I also started my period the night before the procedure, so the area is already pissed.

So for those of you who have experienced this, when does it let up? It seems laying down flat hurts my pelvic area the most. It feels like there's a constant "stitch" in my right pelvis, which was always my problem area aside from my left leg. Even breathing deep aggravates it, seemingly anything that activates lower abdominal muscles. Anything that bends my hips relieves it - to a degree, as long as my back is supported - but bending forward is a biscuit. The lower back pain and the pelvic pain feels kind of like labor and even reminiscent of the back labor I had 18 years ago. It kind of pinches and twitches, if that makes sense. Like a pelvic charley horse. But constant and it grabs me pretty good.

I figured 3 days out it would get less intense. How long did it take yall to feel back to "normal"? I wait tables and play music for a living so everything I do has a pretty physical element to it. I started taking ibuprofen instead of hydrocodone today so haven't had anything substantial for pain in ~36 hours. I'm trying to be mindful of rebound symptoms and as a sober alcoholic get weird about taking addictive substances. I think I may give in and take one.

On the upside, I noticed an improvement in my left leg pain almost immediately on waking up in recovery. So all that said, I can't decide if I'm a giant baby or if this really does hurt. And why does the right side hurt worse than the left?

Thanks for reading 🫶