u/mudpuppied

what it says on the tin, ig. sort of wanting to discuss this in general and see what kind of experiences others have had, bc it seems to be one of those well known issues in our community that ppl more broadly like to pretend this doesn’t happen to us :/

chasers are ofc a huge aspect of our fetishization but i think there’s something even more weird and creepy and insidious about some of these ppl. i matched with a cis guy on feeld awhile back who was extremely cool over text for the few weeks we talked, and talked a big game abt his dom style, but then the night we finally met, he seemed to push a lot of the typically “masculine” parts of the evening onto me, like going out at 2 am to meet the door dasher for the food he wanted and asked me to pay for.

but the weird creepy bits were the comments he made otherwise. he couldn’t stop talking about how much he liked that my beard was growing in “better” than his, or that he liked feeling my muscles bc he felt they were bigger than his. at some point in the night i told him abt leg lengthening and how if i had the money i would have that done (i’m 5’1), and after i explained the process, he said in a very obviously flirty tone “is it weird i find it hot that you would mutilate yourself like that?”

That is the shit i mean. like, not the obvious in your face chasing that’s basically just thinly veiled transphobia/guys outing themselves as not seeing you as a man, but the stuff that is made out to be affirming but feels fucking Off and leaves you feeling like a walking talking fetish toy made for them.

edit to clarify: the beard and muscle comments were made While we were being physical and were very much meant as “this turns me on”, not just “oh that’s cool!”

i posted smth a lot more lighthearted abt this on another account of mine but on the main sub a few months back and received pretty equal positive responses and wildly negative ones, but idk this sub feels like it might be a lil more receptive

sooo around my birthday in march 2024, i bought and played helldivers for the first time. i’d never played the first game and usually don’t really go for online multiplayer shooter games, but some of my friends were playing it sooo i fell victim to peer pressure and pretty quickly realized it’s a fuckin blast to play.

at the time i was a freshly 26 year old woman. i didn’t have a headset, but even if i did, i wouldn’t have used it. i was a little afraid to be a known girl gamer in a game that is very “classically masculine” ykwim?? so like many ppl i stayed mic off entirely. during one particular mission, i was playing with a higher level diver and trucking along behind him on the map. he had a mic and used it pretty actively. we got to a POI and i hung back til he turned to me and said “it’s all yours, bud!”

i couldn’t stop thinking abt it for weeks. at first i thought i was just weirdly pleased by infiltrating what seemed like this world of boys and them being none the wiser, just treating me like one of them. but i rly rly couldn’t stop thinking abt it, and something about it just rly lingered and felt so notably Cool and Euphoric that eventually i started to think abt it a lil deeper.

as it turns out, i’m a boy. next month i’ll be two years on testosterone, living as a trans man. my legal name has been changed. i feel comfortable in my own skin for the first time in my life.

and it’s quite literally all thanks to helldivers 😼 which like. ofc it isn’t and somehow some way i would’ve come to the realization eventually, but that really was THE catalyst that led to it happening when it did, and i think regardless of what happens, helldivers is always going to have the most special lil spot in my heart.

maybe that’s why i tend to lean on the side of being a “glazediver”. the game isn’t perfect, but no game is, and i have fun every time i play. it’s the only online multiplayer game i’ve found that has this level of camaraderie between strangers and maybe i’m just a sap but there is smth rly beautiful and awesome and cool about that when a thoughtless comment made mid-mission can change someone’s life the way it did mine.

anyway this has been long enough so!! ty for your time, and i’ll see you all boots on the ground. for super earth.

¡O

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