u/musicindustrydropout

Was trying to do Wilcox pass this AM but a stomach issue had me get a late start, missing the last parking spot in the lot at 930am by 1 car. I passed through Valley of the 5 lakes and Pyramid Lake but I don’t think those places are what I am
looking for (lots of families in sandals and crying babies). I am parked in town and wondering how I can save the day. I am an experienced hiker and was hoping to find more rugged nature out here.

Please, before you roast me for “not researching” I am 41 and my husband died and I haven’t had time to plan for backups since I have so much other stuff going on.

Kindly x

41F and bear phobic so looking to pay a guide for hiking in Jasper or join a small group. I would like to do a hikes around 4-6 miles and less than 2000ft of gain. Last minute planning so suggestions and availability for this week :) TY!

I'm 41F widowed and have a week to spend in Banff. I was thinking of doing 2 nights in Jasper, but worried about the drive without cell service. I was just going to do public transport in Banff. Any thoughts?

I'd love to hear from others who were with really *amazing* avoidants. The ones who are leaders or just really incredible people and seem so emotionally attuned in other ways, but still couldn't fight their demons.

I was the first relationship my avoidant had after the dissolution of his 25 year marriage. My late husband was divorced so I always saw it as a green flag - the guy is not scared of commitment. This ended up being soooo wrong.

He was such a 10/10 on the surface. Literally runs a large non-profit and is a public figure in his world. Exercises and goes on long bike rides. Plays guitar. Can renovate a house. Well-read. So kind, compassionate, caring. The first 2 months he didn't love bomb me, but he showed up for me in such a big way. We had huge, deep conversations and shared so much. He always gravitated towards the hard conversations and I loved that he was trusting of me with such tender things.

His brand of avoidance was a lot of the idea of feeling engulfed in a relationship. Besides his parents emotionally neglecting him, his ex had mental health issues and so he had an entire marriage of compartmentalizing things and surpressing his needs. He had to run the whole show and care for her. She also had narcissistic tendencies and could not work on herself.

He would not tell people he was dating anyone or introduce me to his friends. If I brought up anything in regards to our relationship he would name all these fears that were not based in the current reality of our relationship: "New partners don't embrace someone else's kids" (I deeply respect his family) "My libido is too high" (I never turned him down) "My job is very busy" (My late husband literally died from work stress so not something I am unused to). He would not plan trips with me and then started talking about the future without me in it. "I kind of want to move to the Upper East Side."

Little by little he started deactivating from me. Whenever a stress would happen in his home life, work, or with his ex, I could feel the microshift and feel him pulling away from me before we even spoke about it.

After 10 months I asked if I could meet his friend in a very low key way and he told me he was not comfortable and gave me the textbook discard, "You deserve someone who can integrate into your life". I truly did not even realize he was an avoidant until this happened. It kind of blew my mind and then I couldn't unsee it. He didn't have a pattern of avoidance to look back on because he was raising kids in a marriage where he was miserable.

It's so easy to see now that our relationship was deeply triggering for him. That because he was the "Caregiver" in his marriage and constantly under such scrutiny and minimizing his needs, that his ability to shove everything down and not feel eventually took over with our closeness. I tried to talk to him a month after things ended and he seemed like a robot and sat in my car shaped like a question mark. This is usually a tall, confident, leader. He looked like a scared little boy.

The breakup was so hard because it just never made sense to me. We were very loving and had a good thing together. He was also such a beautiful person with a big heart.

I am curious to hear other stories.

So bummed, I was trying AHCC to help me clear CIN1 (why not, right?) and got a horrible rash after about a week. Backed off everything and it came back again after a few days.

I don't have any allergies but it is what it is. Sigh

I believe I got HPV from my most recent partner last spring because it was the first time ever having an abnormal pap. I did colpo last summer but a year later still coming back CIN1. I am 41 and curious my chances of actually clearing this on my own? I don't have any issues with my immune system. It is not 16 or 18 and I have since gotten the vaccine.

Just coming here for support because I feel like this is the only place people are consistently nice on the internet.

I've carried a lot of grief around the end of the relationship I had after my husband (where I honestly feel so proud of how I showed up, with love, patience, and understanding, and not trauma dumping)

I got SO blamed in the other group that clearly the demise was my fault for dating soon after his passing, when that was not an issue that came up for either of us at all.

God forbid someone actually value love, companionship, and shared experience.

It makes me feel like people see widows as damaged and that we can't possibly hold grief and joy separate from one another.

I am only 41 and constantly feel so alone and misunderstood.