u/mxsifr

UPDATE: See comment.

---

It feels like Im close to the end of the game, but I'm running out of momentum at the end of day 4.

I have a high Motorics & Intellect, low Psyche & Strength Harry, no Expression, found my car & badge & jacket, learned Klaasje's true name, collected the armor boots and gloves and cuirass, met the novelty dicemaker, learned the origins of the Whirling-in-Rags and explored its secret passageways.

At this point I just don't know what to do next. It's about 18:00, I'm several reál short of rent and there's no more tare or loose change floating around and I've already sold all my postcards, and I have a bunch of white checks but pretty low probabilities and no skill points to unlock the 94% check to get the racist lorry driver to tell me what he knows and advance Joyce's storyline.

What do i do from here? Should I just go through all my open white checks in case i get lucky? How do i pay my rent for the night? I know my gun was sold at the pawn shop and Clare's goons came looking for it, but no idea where it or the murder weapon could be now.

Please help! I'll never Build Communism at this rate.

I turned forty last year, and this year my (abusive, narcissist) mother died suddenly.

I'm proud of the person I've become. I can shrug off disasters and minor inconveniences that woulf have (and did) send my 20-year old self spiraling.

But... I feel I'm compromised. I feel like I'm less of a good person. I've learned loyalty, which also requires learning discrimination. I've learned self-confidence, but had to practice self-centerdness to get there. I'm less naïve, but more stubborn.

I might even be the prickly, bitter, disappointed, tired, condescending type of old bitch who would have made my kid self cry with an honest remark that just could have been delivered a little less bluntly.

Who I could have been instead...

That person would not still be alive today.

I've grown into the adult I needed to be to survive the life I was granted.

Yet, I sometimes hear that muted, scared inner child whisper, "Was it worth it?"

She's not trying to piss me off or make me feel foul. She's just curious. But, I get upset anyway.

"You understand the world now. You know how to walk with intention, how to read between the lines, and even how to order at Chipotle without having a panic attack. But how much of me is left? How much did you have to jettison and file away over the decades, to become this pissed off cockroach motherfucker who breathes poison for fun and laughs at death? Do you still weep over crushed insects? Do you still breathe in and marvel at the smell of the Universe, or are you numb from double COVID and herb smoke?"

"You survived being me. Now what?"

I turned forty last year, and this year my (abusive, narcissist) mother died suddenly.

I'm proud of the person I've become. I can shrug off disasters and minor inconveniences that woulf have (and did) send my 20-year old self spiraling.

But... I feel I'm compromised. I feel like I'm less of a good person. I've learned loyalty, which also requires learning discrimination. I've learned self-confidence, but had to practice self-centerdness to get there. I'm less naïve, but more stubborn.

I might even be the prickly, bitter, disappointed, tired, condescending type of old bitch who would have made my kid self cry with an honest remark that just could have been delivered a little less bluntly.

Who I could have been instead...

That person would not still be alive today.

I've grown into the adult I needed to be to survive the life I was granted.

Yet, I sometimes hear that muted, scared inner child whisper, "Was it worth it?"

She's not trying to piss me off or make me feel foul. She's just curious. But, I get upset anyway.

"You understand the world now. You know how to walk with intention, how to read between the lines, and even how to order at Chipotle without having a panic attack. But how much of me is left? How much did you have to jettison and file away over the decades, to become this pissed off cockroach motherfucker who breathes poison for fun and laughs at death? Do you still weep over crushed insects? Do you still breathe in and marvel at the smell of the Universe, or are you numb from double COVID and herb smoke?"

"You survived being me. Now what?"

I didn't use my 2020 Lemur Pro for a few months. I fully charged and booted it up today, and all of my desktop settings and applications are gone. The desktop background, dock position, browser profiles, et cetera, are all gone and reset to nothing or defaults.

All of the other data in my home directory is fine, so this seems like it will be a mild inconvenience at worst. But it is an unwelcome hassle for one of my few vacation days. Some applications I had to install via Flatpak or other means, and it might actually take me a while to recreate the nice setup I had on here.

What happened? Is this supposed to happen? If so, can I make it not happen anymore?

Version info:

$ uname -a
Linux pop-os 5.17.5-76051705-generic #202204271406~1653440576~22.04~6277a18 SMP PREEMPT Wed May 25 01 x86_64 x86_64 x86_64 GNU/Linux