u/my-squeedily-spooch

My husband passed from brain cancer 2 and a half years ago and since then I have had 4 different jobs. Before this I had spent 5+ years at my jobs. My husband was diagnosed at 22 with brain cancer and fought for 10 years. I was the sole income, he stayed home with the kids. Seizures prevented him from working or driving. I even worked full time while he was at home on hospice. The jobs I have had since his passing have said I don't seem present and I don't seem to want to be there. Of course I don't want to be at work! I want to be home with my kids, i don't want them coming home from school to an empty house while I work. I've also been today I am "resistant" to people getting know me. I am by nature a quiet person and I don't socialize well. I take awhile to warm up but I do my job when I'm at work and I do it well. This most recent job fired me because they felt I am not a good "fit" for their team. I don't know where I fit in anymore. I don't want to have to tell everyone my life story if I don't want to. I don't want to be the cancer patients wife, I don't want to be the office widow. While that is part of my past it's nobodies business. I am trying to move forward and show my kids that we can still find happiness.

I wish I could be a stay at home mom but I am not in a position where that is possible. Applying for jobs brings me anxiety about having to act social and letting people into my life in anyway. I'm afraid I will never fot anywhere and I'll keep getting brushed off as a unengaged employee.