u/mysterymeat03

As people working in the industry, we know mistakes and bad days can happen. That’s why even if I don’t get “amazing service” I still tip other servers minimum 18% when I go out to eat.

I went out for dinner the other night, to treat my partner, and our server was nice…. But so clearly high out of her mind on something strong. It led to a lot of mistakes during the meal, and just an uncomfortable experience when interacting with her. I think she touched our table twice throughout the whole thing (initial order and payment), when we could even get ahold of her. Otherwise, two of the other servers did most of the work for our table, including looking in the back for and finding our server for about 10 minutes after we had been waiting for about 15 (at an establishment that doesn’t pool). The restaurant was pretty slow too, and this was nowhere near close.

I try not to be too critical, because lord knows I’ve had off-days where you just have to push through a shift after life has thrown something crazy at you, and still tipped 18%. Maybe she was having a hard time in her personal life, maybe she had a lot of side work to do, maybe before we got there, the restaurant was packed and she was exhausted. Who knows.

I feel like it would take a LOT for me to give a fellow server a bad tip, let alone no-tip (unless I was at an establishment where I know servers don’t receive the tips period). So I was curious, as a server, what is the lowest tip you’ve given another server? What made the experience lead to it?

TLDR: what is the lowest you’ve tipped a fellow server? Why?

My family had some leftover charcuterie meats from a dinner party. I don’t even know how it happened but I ended up trying one when everyone was asleep. The food noise was so loud. I binged and ate the entire pack. I’m now dealing with not only the guilt of a binging relapse but on red meat…

I try to abstain from red meat, with only a few slip ups in an almost 14 year streak. This is the first time it’s ever been a binge of mine and I feel so disappointed and angry with myself.

My partner (24M) and I (22F) have been in a relationship for just over 3 years now. For context, almost every aspect of the relationship is perfect. We treat each other with respect, go above and beyond in acts of love, and are each other’s best friends.

About a year and a half ago, we started having intimacy issues. It just felt like the honeymoon phase was over and we “weren’t on the same page” about what we needed in the bedroom anymore. It was primarily me saying my needs weren’t being met in how he initiated foreplay. I would consistently provide suggestions on things we could do (I.e. sexting, intimacy quizzes, etc) but he expressed he was uninterested in the suggestions I provided. Sex started to feel scripted, and became less frequent (though it was never very frequent to begin with).

In the last 5 months, we have been in a complete dry spell of anything sexual. He is very physically affectionate, and consistently gives me reassurance of how much he loves and appreciates me.

For the last several months, we have had multiple conversations about where this might lead the relationship. About two months ago it even resulted in a brief breakup (lasted less than a week) that I initiated because I was feeling so confused, insecure and dissatisfied with the situation. The breakup felt like the wrong choice, but I was just at such a loss of what other options I had. When we got back together, we agreed to do some lab work and find a counsellor.

Lab results came back with no sign of any hormonal imbalance on his part. He has not initiated finding a counsellor, despite me bringing it up once in a while that we need to find a time to do that. What was most concerning to me is a couple weeks ago he said he could probably go the rest of his life without having sex if he needed to, but still occasionally feels a sexual drive. This made me think he may be asexual, but he said he doesn’t think he is.

I am just at a loss. I find myself becoming more restless and confused. He continues to put in 110% effort in every other aspect to our relationship. Does anyone have advice on what I should do, or if anyone else has had similar experiences, what came out of them? Thank you in advance.