u/nachoslegs

Im (entj f) in a newish relationship with an Intp (m), we already broke up once, and are having lots of fights... How much fighting is actually normal? What do others fight about? How do you repair?

It is pretty damn great with him, funny, super smart, kind, very good at Fe when he needs to be gentle. But I am also worried we misunderstand what each others actions and needs are. Conflict is so draining coz we become each other (which is kinda interesting on an mbti analysis front), I detach "nothing matters", hes like entj abrupt and rude (lols). I enjoy plans, he enjoys unplanned life...how do other couple make this work? What would an Intp like entj to know?

We are in our 30s.

My intj sisters have seemed to be trapped in second guessing their decision, sometimes like 1-3 years worth of "I want to break up" but they don't.

I assume this is the Ni vision and inferior Se inter-playing, so they need A LOT of data points before deciding the vision cannot come true...

I feel like they just decide to become more and more independent/adapt themselves instead.

Is this common for you guys?
What is going through your minds to break up or not?
How long on average does it take you to break up from the first intuitive "hmm this is not working"
What can help hasten the decision making process?
What/how many red flags do they need to be showing?