u/nebuIochaotic

TLDR; roommate didn’t inform us that her bf would be living with us 24/7 for a month until he was already here, and it’s extremely disruptive. What are reasonable boundaries I can suggest to her when I talk to her about it?

My roommate didn’t even announce in advance that he was staying here until he was actively already in the house, which I thought was so inconsiderate and rude. I’m quite mad because other than the fact that she didn’t inform us, this place was advertised as female-only and no couples, and while I understand and am content with partners staying over 1-2 times a week, it’s very different to someone staying 24/7 for a whole month.

He also is constantly in the common areas even when she’s not home, and this may be an unpopular opinion but I believe that guests should be limiting their use of the common areas and stay in the roommate’s room whenever possible, rather than the opposite.

We are 5 roommates in total but the biggest problem is that 3 of them are close friends, so unfortunately, the other two will agree with her no matter what happens. It’s disruptive because like I said, he’s constantly in the common areas, sometimes alone and sometimes with his gf or her friends, and it stresses me out because when I come home, I just want to be able to wind down in peace without having to bump into stranger men I never signed up to live with. It’s affecting my mental health because I’m constantly on edge and overstimulated, and also am unable to focus on my work because they’re loud right outside my room.

I’ve checked my lease and my landlords never specified anything related to guests, so it’s unfortunately not an immediate violation. I doubt they’d be happy to know there’s someone living rent free not on the lease for a month without even letting them know, but I want to try and talk to my roommate first before going to the landlord and destroying my relationship with all three of them, since they’ve been living here for at least a year and I only moved in in February.

What are some reasonable boundaries and rules to set, especially surrounding common areas?

My roommate didn’t even announce in advance that he was staying here until he was actively already in the house, which I thought was so inconsiderable and rude. I’m quite mad because other than the fact that she didn’t inform us, this place was advertised as female-only and no couples, and while I understand and am content with partners staying over 1-2 times a week, it’s very different to someone staying 24/7 for a whole month.

He also is constantly in the common areas even when she’s not home, and this may be an unpopular opinion but I believe that guests should be limiting their use of the common areas and stay in the roommate’s room, rather than the opposite.

We are 5 roommates in total but the biggest problem is that 3 of them are close friends, so unfortunately, the other two will agree with her no matter what happens. It’s disruptive because like I said, he’s constantly in the common areas, sometimes alone and sometimes with his gf or her friends, and it stresses me out because when I come home, I just want to be able to wind down in peace without having to bump into stranger men I never signed up to live with. It’s affecting my mental health because I’m constantly on edge and overstimulated, and also am unable to focus on my work because they’re loud right outside my room.

I’ve checked my lease and my landlords never specified anything related to guests, so it’s unfortunately not an immediate violation. I doubt they’d be happy to know there’s someone living rent free not on the lease for a month without even letting them know, but I want to try and talk to my roommate first before going to the landlord and destroying my relationship with all three of them, since they’ve been living here for at least a year and I only moved in in February.

What are some reasonable boundaries and rules to set, especially surrounding common areas?

I guess I’m posting this here because I’m starting to wonder if I’m the “abnormal,” “divergent” one (as I most likely have ADHD) and it makes me sensitive to things that the rest of society considers normal.

I made a post on reddit about how a roommate of mine has her bf over at least 3-4 times a week and a different one currently has her long distance one staying for a few weekS, and that wasn’t an arrangement that she ran through everyone first. He just arrived and she dropped a message saying “he’s here for a few weeks, hope that’s okay, let me know if it’s a bother.” I just got a bunch of downvotes on all my replies.

I thought the whole situation was UNBELIEVABLE and SO inconsiderate, and also technically illegal, but apparently I’m in the wrong for thinking that’s unreasonable? It’s not that I mind people having guests and visitors over but I feel like there should be a limit. Apparently not? Apparently I’m the stuck up, selfish prude because “it seems like you’ve never had a partner”? As if that has anything to do with it, when I already know that if I ever got a partner, I would not allow them to stay over more than once a week.

They’re also so unbelievably loud and having to live with 4 other people, most of whom have no regard for respecting other people’s spaces, is taking its toll on me. I hate that I have to mask all day and when I come home, I’m still having to mask. Having to put all my stuff away either due to space, or because someone keeps using it. The stopper on my shaving oil disappeared a few weeks ago and I knew it wasn’t me, which meant that my roommate had used it at some point. The home environment overstimulates me so bad that I sometimes can’t do anything but focus on how frustrated it’s making me. It’s a nightmare.

Can anyone else relate to this? I feel like society has normalised only doing what you want, including having someone over in a shared house as much as you want, without actually having any regard for the other people living there, to the point where even asking for basic respect or consideration is rude. It’s probably an unpopular opinion but idk. All I know is I hate it but I couldn’t afford to live alone even if I were to sell my organs

One of my roommates has a long distance bf who I knew was visiting this month. I just had no idea he would be staying here for a few WEEKS. I share a house with four other roommates and three of my roommates are all friends with each other so they’re okay with whatever annoying shit the others do. A different one has her boyfriend over multiple times a week (I’m talking more than 3 days) and that was bad enough. Now this? I’m at my limit.

Her friends probably knew that he’d be staying here, but this was not communicated with me at all. She never ran it through with me to make sure I was okay with this arrangement and only put out a message once he was already actively in the house that he’s staying for a few weeks and if it’s bothersome, to let her know.

I’m just pissed because it’s such a huge disregard for the people you’re sharing your space with. I’m not asking for every single person to run every single visitor through with me before inviting them over, but especially for extended stays, I feel like it’s something you should make sure everyone is on board with.

I specifically chose a female-only house because I did not feel comfortable consistently sharing my space with a man I don’t know, and for months now for more than half the days probably, I’ve had to do just that.

I can’t believe how inconsiderate some people can be. I can’t move because of my lease which runs through to the end of Feb, and because roommates aside, the place is convenient for me in every other way (close to uni, close to major bus stops and fully equipped/furnished for a decent price)