u/niamhermind

I wasn't really sure what flair to put here so I've gone with happy. The context sucks but the current situation is happy, promise!

Context: 2026 has been a bit of a terrible year for me. My long distance partner of 2 years, Arizona, died unexpectedly in January. In the months that followed, we discovered she was cheating on me and her NP (Kansas) with a monogamous ex of hers, Ohio, who was on the messy lists of both Kansas and I after he broke up with Arizona. She had told us both for months she was low contact with him.

After that, Kansas decided that actually they hadn't approved of our relationship either, retroactively decided we were also cheating and told Arizona's family and friends this was the case. This had never come up in the two years we were together - we'd all had a kitchen table dynamic with group chats, game nights and polycule holidays with my wife Nevada and it took me completely by surprise.

So with all that being the backdrop, I've been considering myself saturated at one for the last four months, just trying to process the complete whiplash of my life changing so drastically and suddenly and all the layers of grief and unpicking the reality that the relationship was unhealthy that have come with it.

But this week I've decided I'm ready to very slowly open up to new things again. I'm not putting myself out there properly, I'm definitely not ready for anything else serious just yet - but it's Pride Month and if the right opportunity for a casual situation or some no-strings fun falls into my lap, I'm not going to back off the way I have been for the last few months. I'm slowly desaturating and allowing myself cautiously back outside my shell and I feel good about it!

Is there a known problem with the Windows app? I downloaded it today and it literally sounds like I'm listening to a scratched up CD underwater. Like it's not even "just not as great quality as I hoped", everything is slowed right down, tracks are jumping and skipping and everything sounds weirdly atonal.

I set it to CD quality in case it was my laptop unable to keep up and it made no difference. The same album is playing perfectly on the Android app on my phone right now.

I had a good friend who was in an emotionally and financially abusive relationship and died unexpectedly. Her partner discovered after that she told people about the abuse and has been in major public DARVO mode ever since, lying about her to her friends and family to make her out to be the bad guy. They also keep logging on to her phone to try to isolate her more by deleting accounts, blocking friends or leaving groups and servers without warning.

But the thing is that this behaviour isn't normal! Everyone can see for themselves now what they're like. They can destroy things, tell lies and try to take her away but they can't actually control how other people grieve her, they're powerless and the more they do that, the more they out themself.

Anyway, since I can no longer put my time into planning to help her leave, my friends and I have decided that every time they do something like this, we're going to plan a new fundraiser for domestic abuse charities. We're up to three now. We all know, and we all believe her. We always have.

Not necessarily a poly-specific question, but I know this community loves a good self-improvement resource and if there are any poly-friendly resources I'd love to know.

I'm working on improving my communication skills after years of struggling to voice my needs and set boundaries, and understand how to actually communicate healthily, especially in conflicts with others. I'm in therapy, but would also quite like some book recommendations on this topic if anyone has read them? Happy for either books or workbooks that anyone has found helpful in the past!

I have auditory processing disorder so am not looking for recommendations for videos or podcasts even if they're great.