[m21] SA being iffy iffy?
Hi all. I’d like you to all ignore the don’t victim blame rule for this one post. Explicitly asking for it. If I am in the wrong, please let me know.
I’m not sure if this is SA or not (coming from a man who’s been full on raped.) This girl has been coming on me very strongly for about 2 years. Constantly texts, constant calls, constant messages on all platforms. I rejected all of advances these quite profusely (never explicitly in her defense, just “no I don’t want to”, but cause I’m a horribly unconfrontational person) and one day, my friend invites her best friend over. After this, her best friend obv invited her over as, again, they were best friends. I was fucked up on all sorts of substances and she also kindaaa made me smoke (I don’t smoke weed, only other drugs.) we ended up having sex the very morning after, but it was very short and happened from the literal second that I woke up and until enough time had passed for me to realize what was going on and lose my erection.
My most recent ex heard this story and told me I had multiple chances to kick her out. While I agree, I also believe that the only decision I had agency in was letting her stay in my room that night. Although we did not have sex thst night, she had hopped on me before I woke up and woken me up with sex.
Me and my most recent ex are obviously no longer together. My sex life has been changed very drastically because of a (or multiple I honestly don’t quite remember) situations I was put in as a child / young adult. Im just looking for peoples input on my story above. I don’t want to count it as sexual assault, nor do I want to report her. IMO, I had plenty of opportunities to stand up, with a spine, and tell this girl I don’t like her. I can imagine plenty of situations where I would be in her shoes and although I would not have sex with a girl half unconscious, I would take sleeping in her bed as a sign that I’m most of the way good to go per say.