u/no_one457031

I have become totally retarded 21 yo that does not have any muscles and even siting during a Day feels like an achievement thanks to my fucked up logic and staying in bed for years.

I thought I was a "smart kid" by reading books when I was a child but tbh I dont even remember anything from it.

Recently I found an internet coach that told me to do meditations, unga banga method which involves siting and staring in one point for few hours. I am unable to do that. Joined therapy, cant even make anything happens in a week period.

I dont know how to talk to people, make friends. Even Talking with my mom for more than 5 minutes feels weird.

I could be out of society anime freak, football freak, reading freak instead I am completely noone.

F.e. I said to myself that today I am gonna change something and "read" something I forgot 2 minutes after, went for a bike, did yoga and walk and cooked a meal and its all pointless. Everyone is doing more than me, even while doing nothing and watching tv series all day

I am 21M

Liked things like chess, books and running in the past, now becoming less and less skilled

Isolated myself and lay in bed mostly for the past 7 years

It will be hard for me to find even simplest job cause of isolation and lack of physicality

I am stupid. Everyday I Just cannot wait to go back to sleep again in order to do nothing

How to stop thinking and start f.e.reading, excersing each day more and more?

My weeks are just passing by me doing completely nothing (and I mean it. It is just laying in bed scrolling my phone, waiting to be asleep or masturbating). No one wants to hire me. Every family member is much ahead of me in live. Probably destroyed my liver due to bad diet. Loner since high school for no particular reason, skipping school to do completely nothing except laying in bed. Now I Just avoid social interactions and wait for sleep. I have a feeling I could watch the same stupid show multiple times and still not remember anything. Also I have problems with logical thinking, even if I wanted to I could not write a longer post than this.

Never lived teenager years, smoking weed, being in a weird friends group. Family members started ignoring me a while ago and I am not surprised by that to be honest.

Destroyed my brain and my body.

I am not interested in anything. Always refused to get any help for example from my mother that always wanted me to go to school.

Cant say anything about myself except this shit. On therapy I dont even know what to say. We will Just sit in silence for 60 minutes I guess.

In college people are actually adults, Talking care of their body and mind, having friends and things to talk about. I am worse than gaming loosers.