u/nothingjustmary

Basically in the past I had several attempts and my mom had found out abt one of them in 6th grade (im 16) and since then everytime we argue and i get really tired of it because we argue constantly i threaten her that im going to kill myself and i mean it while we’re arguing but then i regret it so much because i can see how hurt she is but i can’t fucking control my mouth and she only feels bad for me when I say it otherwise it seems like she doesn’t give a shit . And honestly I’m trying to improve that and stop telling her that because I’ve been thinking about it alot and I just feel so bad for her and that she has to deal with a daughter like me

I separated the cards
Major arcana
Swords
Cups
Wands
And pentacles and basically what I’m doing is writing down in a notebook while researching and looking at the cards the uprights the downright and other things
Is this good to learn and feel the cards?
Throughout writing the uprights alot of things really made more sense for me right now and it really helps me love yall 🩷

And I wanted to ask . I had another deck and recently got my hands on the Waite deck , are there some tips or things I gotta know ?? Thank you 🩷

When I was 12-13 I went to my uncles house and there was my older cousin and his younger sister which is one year older than me . And that day I went to the house to see my cousin the younger one and as she went to the kitchen I was left in the room with my older cousin. And as she goes to the kitchen he closed the door ON KEY and put red lights and I knew what it meant and he was like touching me a bit by my waist and I don’t rlly remember much because it was a long time ago but I remember him being infront of me ready to take his shorts and boxers off and I just panicked and because he has a lot of stuffed animals with hard plastic eyes I just grabbed one and threw it at him and it landed on his yk . After that I went crying to the other room , told my
Other cousin and she didn’t believe because “her brother would never do such a thing” and at that time I knew that he watched lots of porn because I’ve seen his Google history by accident and it was filled with it . And I really don’t know what to think about this and it’s been bothering me for years now

Almost every day or every two days ,out in public in my house everywhere I see 927 . I was born on September 27th and this keeps happening to me for a year now and idk what it could possibly mean

So I am f 16 yrs old , I’ve always had some problems with paranoia and I always fight w my mom really bad but some years ago like 2-3 years ago I was hearing voices whe I was deep in my ed and the voice would just say my name and say eat all the time . I used think at that time that I had cameras in my house and everybody had some plans to either betray me or worse , always when I was hanging out w somebody I always thought smb was watching us when we walk , I would always convince bestie to go from another path because I was thinking that something bad will happen . And it stopped for some years but recently I started getting paranoid again thinking that there r cameras and that people always want to do smth bad to me when I go out . And today while drawing I was hearing really loud breathing near my ear like really loud. At first I thought maybe I’m just exaggerating because my windows were open but still whe I closed them I’d still hear the heavy breathing and some other small noises that something is walking . Honestly I Dontknow what to do my mom doesn’t let me go to therapy and I am trying to convince her to let me go
I genuinely don’t know what’s happening to me. There’s really more that I could say but these r the things that concern me like rn