u/okoyes_wig

They’ll be holding a meeting next week to determine if I should be allowed to progress to the next year. I’m just supposed to bear that mental weight and keep trucking along. Which is fine, I suppose, I’ve already been doing that for months now.

The attendings who think I’m doing good and have even commented that they don’t think I deserve to be held back somehow never have time to complete evals and my harshest critics have all the time in the world. Can’t ask questions because I can’t always tell what will be used to claim “insufficient medical knowledge”. Of course, if I don’t ask questions, I’m “uninterested”. I’m working on medical knowledge, of course. Not the best at memorization so I try to compensate by taking detailed but easy to understand notes but there‘s always be something I’m missing or something I’ve learned and need to review. Feedback from attendings, uppers and even other interns in the rare event I’m brave enough to admit I’m struggling is often some vague variation of “You’re doing good” or “You’re doing better, just continue to work on differentials/planning/knowledge” but nothing I’m doing seems to be enough to get me out of the mess I’m in. Makes everything, from studying to exercising to socializing to even getting enough sleep, seem pointless.

Apologies. A lot of whine, not much cheese to go with it but TLDR; I’m exhausted in a way sleep can’t touch and there’s nothing even resembling a reprieve in sight.