u/overcooked_mohican

It was a Saturday, it had been a month and a half that I didn't talk to my ex. Especially after all the horrible things she said to me. She actually tried to demasculate me in the sense of being a guy or a man in her eyes; I always thought it was more fluid at certain times; characteristics and such. One of the last things she said to me was "I don't respect you as a man anymore".

Me and my sister had gone to this place before. I had realized as well that for the past week my ex's best friend was looking at me and my sisters stories on social media (IG). Stories; Which is like what we did for the day. AMD so had seen we were going to hang out like we used to. Me and my sister decided to bond over our love for raves and music and of course go to a 80's throwback of things such as the Cure, siouxsie and banshees, etc. we get there early, eat, and go to the dance floor which apparently I did. Then my sister goes to the bathroom and well she says "I think I saw your ex go to one of the bathroom and I think she saw me cause she never came out, but I don't know if it's really her". She knew I loved my post-punk from the 80's, she would even criticize it for being "boring and depressing". Like ever heard of New order? C'mon. Anyways we still dance, for like 2 hours, we eventually decided to go for water to hydrate after drinking and dancing. My ex walks past as and I keep looking toward my sisters direction while talking to her as to not make eye contact. My ex walks past us with her best friend's ex and goes to the patio, in which we go to the dance floor again dance and then decide to leave. My sister realized my ex saw us but clearly wanted me to reach out walking so close to where we were sitting. As we are walking home, a guy asks if we know where the closest bathroom was and I told him "we can take you to the location of the rave to use the bathroom there", which he agrees. We take him, talk, buy us shots for the good gesture and compliments me and tell us to enjoy our night. So I felt revigerated and decided to dance at the dance floor, as I'm having fun and there less people now, we stayed on the left side of the dance floor all night and realized my ex was dancing on the right and tried avoiding her like the plague. As we dance, my ex decided to try and tap me with her arms while dancing all the way from the other side of the dance floor. My ex literally came into my side where I was at with my sister to get my attention and my sister saw it in real time. Even gave sunglasses to put on in the darkness of the dancefloor. Eventually my sister realized the guy who was with my ex was "annoyed" and basically had to pull my ex away from us. We dance for a little more and left, happy of course, cause we stretched our legs to good music.

After that my ex's best friends stopped looking at our stories. I wonder now after all the mean stuff she said to me, why try and get my attention now? Why be with your best friend's ex, who you even talked sht about? Why use your ex to survivalance us? After all the horrible things? Why, when I'm enjoying life again, does she try to this? What's the point?

It would really mean a lot of to hear others inputs! Thank you!

So it's been about week since my ex-partner (F, 27) and I (M, 29) went on a break(but more and more seems like a break up). She clearly has BPD, due to family history and diagnosis, and rejects it as something she has to an extent. I made plans in NYC to go dancing at this event thing so she could start learning how to dance (she wanted to pursue this interest). I planned it a month and half in advance, when we were dating, and she legit posted it on Instagram yesterday. I originally used to not go on Instagram, but I was worried about her so I checked it. And she was dancing with a guy on it on Instagram, an event we went to once and then cancelled on me. Now she's going to the other ones it seems, really feels like she's kinda blasting life without me, and that she's enjoying it, she loves attention and positive attention at that. Like why go to an event I planned without me and post it up? An event I made when we were dating originally. Is she hoping I see it? Am I wrong ? Am I imagining the hurt or the passive aggressive posts?

** You can check my previous post on this account and the way she insulted and belittled me that "she was embarrassed to be out with me essentially and didn't respect me as a man anymore" and I feel like she trying to show this off to me ? Like she disrespected me and I see this now... Like is her life better without me? It really stings and it hard to get her off my mind. I feel so alone rn. And I think she enjoys making me feel like that. Any input is welcome! Please and thanks!

I (M, 29) recently had 2 days ago have my partner (27, F) of 2-3 years have a break with me. I was going to an interview for a better job (which went well) and that she really needed to talk to me. She wanted space because she mentally was drained stress with my life and her own (though I was doing my things in my life, not here). But as a partner, I get it, she would consider getting in my shoes and see how I lived my life from my perspective. I've had a court case with my landlord and I was crippled when going through it (so work or having an income was hard). But even with the pain I found a job and worked. But I've been more movable and in less chronic pain for about 2 months. I've been always telling her to focus on herself and she always chose to help when I told her it was fine and that I can manage. She claimed that I she was tired of waiting for "her reward for her input in my life" and that she "couldn't commit to her girlfriend duties anymore" and that she was "stressed by my life and what happens in it". I don't choose how life goes for me and I can choose to control the choices I make and the consequences that may come with those choices. I proceeded to talk about a message I sent in the morning that I feel like "she's essentially a version of this cute build-a-bear plush and wonder why she hurts my feelings all the time and my self-worth" (which is the reason she wanted to meet at all). And went to insulting me and say that "you never listen" and that, "I had to get drunk and high to fuck you at all these 6 months" and "I'm embarrassed by you and you'll never forgive me for my words and actions". Now you must be wondering, what actions? She texted her ex and emotionally cheated on me where she said to him "Everytime I'm with him, I think of you" while he's indefinitely stuck in his home country in another part of the world, and that "she didn't respect me as a man" (among other things she did). She would also talk shit and some would take it and other would say "why would you talk about who care about you like that?" And she just kept trying to poke me with her words. I tried to hold my tongue. She then said "is this why (6 year ago ex) from years ago got her BPD? Because of you and you gave it to her like you gave it me?!?!!? In front of people (yelling). Mind you I'm brown and she's white-passing. I instantly became afraid because of the racial disparity and assumptions made of skin color. And I instantly replied, "you're really saying something like that to me?" That's so fucked up because the way she got it was just during her teens. And I clapped back with "is this why R (her ex) left? Because she got like this and he didn't want to deal with her being like this?" And that "I was afraid of her" (as I cried) and that "I don't trust you but in trying". She started laughing as I cried and was like "I'm indifferent to everything you're feeling" and that "you're allowed to process what you need to feel" while laughing and smiling at my tears. And I ignored her because she genuinely broke me with her words and that I started to consider the fact that "Everytime she said she loved me was a lie". Not only that, but the truth of matter from my eyes was that "anytime I was intimate with her, inside of her, she only though of him and used me" denied but the signs were there from my point of view. It didn't help that she studied and wants be a social worker in schools but demeans what she does and her wrongs (not taking accountability) and how it affects me as a person with using that line "you allowed to feel what you need to process..." and that "that is only from your perspective which you are allowed to process..." And other things among that, makes her seem smug. I kept pointing that "for someone who want to use social work to help people, she's using it as a vile tool to make people feel invalidated as subjective rather than letting it be known that it is completely objectively as a fact of what happening" and trying to make me feel like I'm unjustified to feel the way I feel about the things she saying to me and treating me as. She threatened with leaving this talk and that mentally she wasn't with talking to me for more than an hour. She laughed and yelled at me, said she hated me, and that I was always being a victim and I'm like "I try my best". She said "I want to fucking kill you! (With my name)" Eventually she was laughing and throwing insults again that I said I'm gonna give her a break and "Everytime she distracts me from having 20 minutes to myself, to process all the horrible things she said today so far I'll add 5 minutes to the time I need to process". And she went away after the 25 minutes and she came back crying and said I'm gonna go and that "I don't understand her condition that she she probably had since she was 7 years old" (which is like I was the "cause of it" and now it's that you had it since "7 years old"? Which one is it?). I went to follow her where she dropped to the ground In a grass area and said that she was stabbing the ground with her knife during the 25 minute break because she was afraid of what she would do and who she would hurt (including herself). I cried again because she's like "no one understands and everyone leaves and that I will too. And that "it's too late to have a break, this should have happened months ago when she became more hostile to my existence". I said I want to be her friend because I truly care about her well-being but that even after the break she said "what if we don't end up being together anymore?" And no contact for 6 months till we both work on ourselves. But like that what I originally wanted and she always begged me to hang out until I had to put my foot down to have to get to my life and do my things but that she felt like burden (but I've never called her a burden and I don't think she is, she just needs to be love differently). And so we won't talk to each other the next 6 months while she also focuses on being a social worker, unless their is in emergency and that she doesn't know what to think of the rule about the break (staying loyal). Will she like keep to her word? When she emotionally cheated on me already and that's always the first step to physical cheating?

But it's like isn't that what she wants when she's insulting me? She I be worried? Should I try being there when I'm not wanted and she told me she needs space? That the space will make her miss me eventually? What do I do? Am I doing wrong by stepping away for 6 months? I would love to hear anyone's perspective? Be brutally honest. Please. I just need perspective. Thanks.