u/overthetoptwin

I’m F27. I’m looking for genuine advice from men. Unfortunately my father had passed away, and there isn’t any male adult in my family who can help me from their experience.

I’ve met an amazing human being at work & we have involved our families but we were talking to each other and initially everything was perfect. The salah, the motivation of him working hard for future and also, his commitment to get better at health/fitness and I had a belief and positivity that this is going to be the best decision for me.

But as a few months passed, I saw lack of efforts. He is extremely kind, sweet with me but I’m an ambitious woman who had worked very hard in my life. I have savings, investments for my future, working on myself in terms of religiosity, professionally as well as personally. I go to gym. I am continuously working on expanding my business. This constant hustling in my life comes from seeing financial issues at my home due to which I worked very hard to change the quality of my life.

I had never dated or seen a good man that leads up to marriage, but then I met him. After talking to him about his goals and all, he specifically shared how he would like to take up religious studies in a few years because he wants to learn about Islam, plus I saw and noticed his demeanor at work. Very respectful. Prays. Talks softly & seemed like a good decent working man.

When I say lack of efforts, I don’t mean he doesn’t work. But our energies are very different. He’s okay doing minimal effort at work despite of him not having savings, his place, any car or even sometimes he struggles to pay his bills which breaks my heart for him but it puts me in an extremely dangerous situation where I despite showing interest to him for marriage.

He doesn’t go to gym, financial reasons are there. He doesn’t want to change his jobs due to bad experiences in past. He also doesn’t want to move countries. He also smokes heavily which initially I was aware but not the frequency of it.

He has improved his efforts when I communicated that I cannot marry if my needs are not met, he started making efforts but I personally feel he’s not being smart about it all. He also doesn’t prefer to put himself out.

Now being in business all of these skills are important. Now comes the main confusion, he is a very good human being when I say it, I mean he has consideration, empathy & kindness for human beings. He’s humble & down to earth. He has this delusional positivity that Allah tallah provides but sometimes It annoys me because I feel that’s a disguise to not work harder.

He also doesn’t pray anymore. It’s been months. I do also skip my salah sometimes but It’s never months. Plus, he uses credit card to meet my expectations sometimes or please me which is not a good thing.
Because I don’t want to have my needs met likr this but in a respectful manner.

I’m confused because as a south asian woman coming from experiences with bad men around my community and personal life, I also want to hold onto a person who’s kind to me but I’m afraid if he is able to provide for me or even take up responsibilities. I’m okay with helping him out but I don’t want to be naive in a way that I keep helping a man to build himself and mother him to become someone strong.

I have also done istikhara a lot of times, and trust me I know Istikhara isn’t about dreams and symbols but each time I did Istikhara, I continuously saw bad dreams in a row involving him.

He expects me to give him time which I did and now I want to just take a decision and move on with my life. I feel guilty if I say no and scared because I genuinely connects with this person but our values don’t align anymore & that scares me.

I’m extremely scared of marriage and even divorce because again, I feel It will break me if it doesn’t come out as I expected dur to my past traumas.

Am I being too negative anxious due to his less ambitious energy? Am I being extremely judgemental and harsh as no human being is perfect. Any advice will be helpful.

I’m F27. I’m looking for genuine advice from men. Unfortunately my father had passed away, and there isn’t any male adult in my family who can help me from their experience.

I’ve met an amazing human being at work & we have involved our families but we were talking to each other and initially everything was perfect. The salah, the motivation of him working hard for future and also, his commitment to get better at health/fitness and I had a belief and positivity that this is going to be the best decision for me.

But as a few months passed, I saw lack of efforts. He is extremely kind, sweet with me but I’m an ambitious woman who had worked very hard in my life. I have savings, investments for my future, working on myself in terms of religiosity, professionally as well as personally. I go to gym. I am continuously working on expanding my business. This constant hustling in my life comes from seeing financial issues at my home due to which I worked very hard to change the quality of my life.

I had never dated or seen a good man that leads up to marriage, but then I met him. After talking to him about his goals and all, he specifically shared how he would like to take up religious studies in a few years because he wants to learn about Islam, plus I saw and noticed his demeanor at work. Very respectful. Prays. Talks softly & seemed like a good decent working man.

When I say lack of efforts, I don’t mean he doesn’t work. But our energies are very different. He’s okay doing minimal effort at work despite of him not having savings, his place, any car or even sometimes he struggles to pay his bills which breaks my heart for him but it puts me in an extremely dangerous situation where I despite showing interest to him for marriage.

He doesn’t go to gym, financial reasons are there. He doesn’t want to change his jobs due to bad experiences in past. He also doesn’t want to move countries. He also smokes heavily which initially I was aware but not the frequency of it.

He has improved his efforts when I communicated that I cannot marry if my needs are not met, he started making efforts but I personally feel he’s not being smart about it all. He also doesn’t prefer to put himself out.

Now being in business all of these skills are important. Now comes the main confusion, he is a very good human being when I say it, I mean he has consideration, empathy & kindness for human beings. He’s humble & down to earth. He has this delusional positivity that Allah tallah provides but sometimes It annoys me because I feel that’s a disguise to not work harder.

He also doesn’t pray anymore. It’s been months. I do also skip my salah sometimes but It’s never months. Plus, he uses credit card to meet my expectations sometimes or please me which is not a good thing.
Because I don’t want to have my needs met likr this but in a respectful manner.

I’m confused because as a south asian woman coming from experiences with bad men around my community and personal life, I also want to hold onto a person who’s kind to me but I’m afraid if he is able to provide for me or even take up responsibilities. I’m okay with helping him out but I don’t want to be naive in a way that I keep helping a man to build himself and mother him to become someone strong.

I have also done istikhara a lot of times, and trust me I know Istikhara isn’t about dreams and symbols but each time I did Istikhara, I continuously saw bad dreams in a row involving him.

He expects me to give him time which I did and now I want to just take a decision and move on with my life. I feel guilty if I say no and scared because I genuinely connects with this person but our values don’t align anymore & that scares me.

I’m extremely scared of marriage and even divorce because again, I feel It will break me if it doesn’t come out as I expected dur to my past traumas.

Am I being too negative anxious due to his less ambitious energy? Am I being extremely judgemental and harsh as no human being is perfect. Any advice will be helpful.

So I have a good background, I was recently shortlisted for a very competitive scholarship but I wasn’t given funding. I’ve been working with a US client for two years, he does not give visa assistance but I know that my job has a great market and industry in US.

My sister moved to US on Masters but on funding but my field is design and getting funding in this is not possible as much as I researched. I have 4M saved and I would like to ask if I should still opt for self-funded masters in US and eventually land a job which would be a possibility given my experience with Dubai, Netherlands, Australia and US team already. (remotely as full time contractor)

Is this worth it OR should I opt for Finland or Germany/Belgium? Are these countries good for jobs or not? Asking as per current scenario from those who are already there. I also believe I can land a good job in Australia and would love it THE MOST if I can get to Australia but my points are not that much on Skilled worker visa. Currently my points stand at 95.

Masters is a reason to just get and land a better job and pivot in my career.

Help is appreciated.

Is inflation hitting everyone or am I poor? I earn 6-700k a month and I save big portion of what I do, but now the savings ade getting tighter because as a woman, I cannot afford skincare less than 50-70k and trust me I use only 3-4 things. And if you’re into clean diet, then everything is sooooo expensive especially protein. What’s happening :( Plus why everything requires a presence on social media now especially being infront of camera especially if you need more clients?

I’m unable to learn how to invest because of lack of time and again I’m just not very good at numbers. I’m more like a human science and arts person. I’m already 30. What do I need to do ASAP with my savings. I have around 4M saved and a car worth 3M.

My health and circumstances do not allow me to go to full-time job in-house. I work independently and as a part-time remote contractor.

Suggest me some ways I can be easy on learning to invest and not eventually ending up regretting with depreciation of my savings.

Also, due to this subreddit, last year, I successfully learned taxes, how to file them and also ended up getting a savings account. So I’m taking everything very seriously at this point.

We are currently a family of 5 people. Our portion is upper floor so the heat is unbearable nowadays. Surviving without AC all day is not possible anymore. We are at a rental space and we don’t have awareness on which system we can go for which can easily help us use 2-3 ACs. The loadshedding also happens off and on and due to working remotely, we also want to solve this issue.

I know this is a very basic question but I’m a woman and I need to solve this issue for my family asap. Can spend upto 10-15 lakh but my issue is the logistics if we plan to move out in future and if it helps to minimize the electricity bills in future completely.