it's been a year and a month since I cut off my mother. my dad's behavior makes it stark as to why I left.
I just moved apartments, and I cried while calling my dad for help.
my mother would always denigrate me and make sure I knew she thought I was expensive, burdensome filth if I didn't know anything, and she would never teach me. just would grab the keyboard or book or pen and say "let me do it". she would talk about how much money I cost at kohls and the supermarket while she spent hundreds on designer handbags, all on credit.
my dad is the stark opposite, and wouldn't enable her. he would get after her for spending so much on credit and dragging his score down on shared cards. so she divorced him AND got an annulment, coaching my brother and I to lie and exaggerate things about dad during legal battles so she would get more child support and custody. she would also get mad when I lied to HER, despite me trying to make her promise that she wouldnt punish me for telling the truth (which lasted a week at most).
I called him for help the other day, and I could barely speak. I was overwhelmed with dread and fear, and I only asked him what I do from there, wanting advice to do it myself instead. but what I got from him was a "how much do you need, do you need it right now?", no questions, judgement, or expectations of gratitude beyond "you're lucky your dad loves ya", and he trusts me unwaveringly to repay him some very important cash that he willingly gave me, despite my mother still taking a big chunk of child support out of his paycheck for my brother. he even told me not to be nervous, that he would always do whatever he could for me and that everyone makes dumb mistakes that don't match up with their intelligence sometimes.
it hadn't really clicked before now how much damage mom had done not just to me and my psyche, but to my relationship with him. she made me expect the worst out of everyone, because she kept showing and telling me that I deserve it, and that everyone would react the same way. it's baffling now to realize that there are actually people out there who care about me, trust me, and are willing to go out on a limb just to make sure I'm happy and safe.
the mismatch in my expectations vs. what my dad actually did is exactly why my mother is still blocked and doesn't know where I live, and my father has already been visited twice, gets cards on every holiday including his birthday, and is receiving a VERY nice bottle of his favorite liquor when I can afford it next.
feel free to reflair this if it's more of a vent or needs a cw, but I figured it's pretty happy (or at least bittersweet, more emphasis on the sweet).