u/pamslikespudding

Ruined by association. Every time I think of watching it I feel their presence…yuck

I had a dream where mr beast came into my house and spoke to my whole family in a family reunion. Cousins, in laws, etc. I was trying to hit on him (because mr beast is so fucking hot) and then he revealed he's actually related to us and I was happy because I gonna get money. Completely ignoring the fact I was hitting on a family member.

Recently I have been pulling all nighters. It started as a lazy thing but then I thought about how much of an opportunity this is.

I made a promise to walk my dog everyday once a day without fault when the summer started. One day I forgot to walk him so I took him out at blue hour, 8 pm. I love blue hour more than anything else in the world, it’s such a calming time. It feels like a whole different world. I wish every hour was blue hour. I love how the green of forests and scenery mix with the blue of the sky. That transition between day and night is absolutely beautiful.

While I walked my dog through the neighborhood, I decided to make a brief stop to the lake. I’m not gonna tell you where it is, I’ll gate keep that place with my whole life, but it is absolutely amazing. Behind the left side of the river is a forest with exceptionally green trees, there are very tiny hills too. It is partially ruined by a metal fence around the lake, fortunately you can still look through the fence and the color’s green. I sat there for a little to please my impatient dog. It was beautiful, so quiet, so blue. That’s when I made my decision.

I stayed up all night and took my dog out in the morning blue hour. Then I went back to sleep at around 7 or 8 and woke up 7 or 8 hours later. Ever since then, I’ve been doing the same everyday and I couldn’t be happier. Of course, this won’t last forever. School will come and I’ll either miss morning or evening blue hour due to seasons, and then later in my life I’ll have to get employed. But for now, it is good.

I am afraid of stepping into any and all libraries.

When I was 11 I went to rent out a book from the library, first time doing so. I got a library card (I don’t know where it is) and enjoyed my book. I went to a vacation just the day before it was due and I had not finished the book.

I ended up being 2 weeks late before my mother returned it for me, I’m not sure if we even had to pay the fee.

I am now deeply afraid of libraries and I feel like I’m judged by everyone in it if I ever step into any. Something about libraries makes me feel this horrible embarrassment and shame and social anxiety. Anytime I want a book I just order it in Amazon. How do I get rid of this fear because the concept of libraries interest me a lot and I want to go back into one.