r/PointlessStories

My friend moved down here from New Jersey and she often bragged about how she's a Jersey girl who takes no shit, drives aggressively, and flips other drivers off when they're assholes. I warned her to quit doing that because people have guns down here (there are crazy people everywhere but gun owners are just a lot more common down here).

She didn't listen and one day a crazy guy in a truck followed her pointing a gun out the window. She minds her business now

We all probably know someone that said they got a bidet on their toilet and said it was a game changer. They likely also said everything I’m about to say. It is a game changer. Nothing cleans your anus better. Wet wipes do a good job but not even close to what a bidet does. It hits the spot and gets up there. You are only using enough TP to dry yourself. You feel this level of clean down there that makes you feel fresh. There is only one negative.

1. You will now be spoiled and HATE having to use a toilet that doesn’t have one.

Also, never pull up the level to full blast. Ease up the lever to the acceptable PSI. Full blast can literally tear your ass up.

I was at an age where I was arguing with my parents a lot, as do many teenagers. I can’t remember what the fight was about, but I just remember it made me so angry, that I just had to let out my frustration somehow.

So I locked myself in the bathroom and cried. I was devastated about the argument, and felt misunderstood and frustrated that my mum wouldn’t listen to what I had to say. So I painted the shower red. With some craft paint and a tiny paintbrush I found in my room, I started painting angry faces with devil horns, curse words, you name it!!! I was PISSED!!! Eventually I decided to go completely rogue and just painted the entire screen door red, then the adjacent glass, then the tiles, and even some of the shampoo bottles. When both glass panels were completely red, I stood back and admired my work. I thought to myself ‘take that mum!’ And probably held up my middle finger. I thought this was what justice looked like, and it was exhilarating. All the while I was terrified of my mum walking in.

Eventually after a while I obviously had to wash it off, and to my surprise it came off pretty easily just with the shower water- albeit the bathroom looking like a crime scene in the process. It took me a while. That was over a decade ago, and sometimes when I’m visiting home I’ll notice a tiny speck of red paint still inside the shower door frame and remember that afternoon. I’ve never told anyone and my parents never found out.

Me: Hi! Can I get the new dragon berry red bull drink please?

Drive thru: ..... The what??

Me: the new red bull drink with dragon berry.

Drive thru: mam we don't sell mangoes.

Me:..... Hwat?? Dragon. Berry. The drink. With red bull.

Drive thru: yes mam we don't have that.

Me: you're out of stock?

Drive thru: we don't sell mango drinks here.

Me (slightly losing it at this point) I don't want mangoes. Forget about mangoes. DRAGON BERRY. I'm reading it off your menu right now. The new energy drink.

*Long pause*

Drive thru: okay mam and what size?

Me: ...... 👁️👄👁️ medium please.

Drive: pull up to the next window.

I was once pumping gas and sort of standing there daydreaming as the gas chugged away. I caught something in my peripheral vision, and it looked like liquid was coming out of the pump's hose that led to my car. It quickly started coming out more along the seam. I uttered some kind of noise and was uncharacteristically befuddled about what to do. I said "I think it... uh, I should tell the clerk?"

Thankfully, the man at the next pump heard me, took a millisecond to glance, immediately found the emergency switch and turned it off. THEN we went in to tell the clerk. At the rate that hose was splitting, who knows what would have happened if he hadn't?

They hosed the area off so we could drive away without igniting sparks and it all worked out. But every once in a while I remember that guy and am grateful to whoever he was.

I was carrying groceries into my apartment when the bag of dog food slipped out of my arms. It was heading straight for a puddle, so I stuck my foot out and somehow stopped it right before it hit. I just stood there holding the bag against my leg. I looked around. Nobody saw it. The dog wasn't even with me. I carried it upstairs like nothing happened. That dog will never know what I did for him

I like to talk walks, especially at night when its cooler. I live in a downtown area of a small town. Kinda a lot of weird people around but whatever.

I was walking one nite and I see this guy outside of a building. And he's got two ferrets each on a harness and leash. It surprised me so I was like oh wtf.

He started talking to me, dont remember what he said. It was about the animals and how they like to go for walks.

I told him my opinion was they look scared and are looking for a place to hide.

So this dude picks one up and tries to put it on my shoulder.

At the same time he's telling me I cant hold the other one because it will bite.

Dude what? I said dont put your ferret on me, take them inside. You just put your ferret on strangers walking by? I'm not surprised the other one bites.

Never seen him or the ferrets before or since. 🤷‍♀️

I used to be the security supervisor for a site with a small mall and a bunch of office space. It was 5 buildings with three levels of parking that the public could access.

One day I find this business card on the ground in the parking lot. It was for someone who did psychic readings palm readings stuff like that. So I pick it up.

Then I find another, and another.

I guess the person put one on every car windshield and when people got to their cars they just tossed them on the ground.

I spent two days looking for these and picking them up. It was so much fun. I love hidden object games so it was like a real life one haha.

I ended up with 45 cards. And that was my best day at work.

Months later I found one in the parking lot at a different mall in a different city. That was weird.

I almost wanted to send the person money to say thank you for entertaining me. But I didnt

One time, like half a year ago, my aunt and uncle had come to our house for a family gathering, all sorts of distant relatives there, and of course, my cousins were there and I was parentified.

They ravaged my old toys, watched Skibidi toilet brainrot, and had a weird obsession with werewolves, kept howling saying they'll transform, and they kept talking about Taralero Talalalo shark or whatever.

So i had a idea to snap them out of it.

I showed them some kind of movie, and made up details about each scene.

A scene of some dudes hunting - 'see? That guy in the brown jacket is secretly a werewolf!'

A scene of a dude climbing a hill in rain. - 'hes turning into his wolf form, the fur on his jacket is actually his real fur!'

A scene of a cheetah - 'thats his werewolf form! And now his tribe found out!'

Ect, ect

And they were amazed.

Then I lured them into a dark room and pretended to be 'The taralero boogieman' and they ran away, now convinced Taralero is evil.

Then I told them that if they transform (its not even a full moon, but they don't know that), it will hurt a lot and they will get sent to the special pound and they must keep their werewolf status a secret from their parents.

They actually believed it. They acted sterotypically suspicious Infront of their mom and when it was time to go home, they refused to go outside because they thought they would transform.

It ended up being a silly moment where they pretended to confess and the parents played along with shock, and it was oddly dramatic.

So yesterday morning I decided to fix the wobbly wooden handle on my vintage cast iron skillet. It was missing one very specific countersunk brass machine screw. I could not find a match in my messy garage jars, so I drove down to the local independent hardware store.

i spent forty-five minutes standing in the fasteners aisle. I used that plastic sizing board with all the threaded test holes, tried six different metric threads, and finally found the exact M4 pitch that threaded smoothly into the skillet handle without sticking. I paid eighteen cents at the register with a shiny nickel and a few pennies, feeling like a competent adult who conquered a minor home repair.

I walked into my house, set my keys on the counter, and carefully cut open the tiny paper bag with kitchen scissors. The little brass screw slipped right between my thumb and index finger, bounced twice on the hardwood floor, rolled three feet across the hallway, and slipped ABSOLUTELY dead-center through the slats of the cast iron floor heating register.

I heard it clink all the way down into the basement air ducts. I stood there looking at my wobbly skillet for about two full minutes. I should of just put tape over the vent before opening the bag, but now that eighteen-cent screw belongs to the house forever. Has anyone else ever been defeated by basic gravity like this?

Always had issues with my body image since I was around 14, but since around 6 months ago I started to love myself again up until yesterday basically.

I went to the beach thinking it would be another chill morning, sat down on my little chair and brought a beer with me, read a little bit anyways a normal beach day. After a little while an old woman and his husband (or looked like it) sit next to me. At first I didnt think much of it and keep reading whilst having my beer. After a little while I get up and go to throw the can at the trash bin.

As soon as I come back I hear her say "she shouldn't be drinking" "that's so inconsiderate". I sit down and looked at her. At the start didnt know who she was talking to but then tells me off for drinking! I look at her and say what the problem was and then the question that has ruined my week got asked: "you're pregnant right honey". That felt like a stab on my chest OMG.

I told her I wasn't just that I was enjoying my summer, then after 5 minutes I left and have felt embarrassed ever since.

She ruined my week without a shadow of a doubt.

So... I've always been a hoarder, the kind to keep things "just in case".

That story happened yesterday. Back 20 ago, when I got my first flat, I bought some cheap tools, including a series of sockets. The tool going with the sockets is long gone, but somehow I kept the sockets through 6 moving house, even if I had better quality tools by now.

So, yesterday I decided to fix the dryer, that was just the belt, sounds easy enough. Boy I was wrong, this was total hell. Anyway, why disassembling almost everything from that hellish appliance, I realised my sockets couldn't fit to reach a single screw, so I went through my Smaug hoard and found it, a 7mm socket slim enough to reach the screw. So I went, finished the job I shouldn't have started, and was bragging that hoarding was finally useful.

Well turns out something broke when changing the belt, the dryer worked for a few minutes before turning silent forever.

Tldr : after 20 years I finally had a use for a tool hoarded, only to ultimately being useless.

Getting lectured by a recovering heroin addict about how the chemicals in bug spray are bad for your body is WILD. 😭

Ma'am… I support your recovery, but DEET is not where your liver's villain origin story began. 💀

I randomly remembered this story while I was walking tonight and thought I’d share it, I’ve never told anyone about it & so it’s first time I’m putting it to words

When I was around 13 I was in a group chat with this guy who was horrible to basically every girl there He would insult them publicly humiliate them and make sexual comments about them until some of the girls eventually left the group & eventually he started targeting me fyi he would never target the men in there

He would constantly talk badly about me in front of everyone including people I considered my friends He would insult me make inappropriate comments and embarrass me no matter what I said I tried defending myself but eventually I just stopped because nothing worked and some of the things he said genuinely made me hate myself, he had an awful big mouth

I remember I changed my profile & put a picture of my face on my profile after previously keeping it hidden He saw it and suddenly started treating me completely differently He began messaging me privately telling me how much he liked me and wanted to be with me or actually he wasn’t very dramatic or quick but slowly he began moving in a way where I thought this guy hit a rock

I was honestly confused because how do you go from humiliating someone publicly to suddenly telling them you like them cuz he literally ruined my whole self reputation & image everyone in my town was now mocking me by name he named me

I had also just come out of a toxic relationship ( my ex was his friend ) so I told him I wasn’t ready for another relationship and wanted to take things slowly I was extremely distant with him and would sometimes talk to him for a minute and then disappear because I honestly preferred being alone & always was an avoidant

He hated how distant I was and would constantly complain about it strange part is that I didn’t really want the relationship but I also couldn’t bring myself to end it because I was worried about hurting him + he was the kind if you hurt him he’d try blackmailing and all that stuff

Eventually I gave him the password to one of my accounts because I needed him to do something I completely forgot that account was connected to another one lo and behold he found conversations between me and another guy where I had talked badly about him

He was devastated I remember him confronting me and being so upset that he was almost crying I admitted that I had spoken badly about him but I also reminded him that he had spent months publicly humiliating me lots of argument and eventually he left

For years afterward I still remembered his username and occasionally checked his profile because part of me wanted to reconnect with him The last time I checked was about four years ago

Now I don’t even remember his username anymore don’t know how his life turned out but I genuinely hope he’s doing well I recall he mentioned having family problems but yeah after this incident I realized how differently people treat you when you’re attractive

So, I had to go to this appointment cause my left ear was blocked and it was producing a really loud and irritating ringing noise. I don’t live with my mom but I’m young enough that I still see her somewhat often and I get a ride from her since I don’t have a car of my own.

I’m the type that needs a good outfit for every situation, it doesn’t have to be elaborate, but looking good is feeling good. So I work a big hoodie, and some short shorts as well as my big stompers.

I wore a bikini bottom under my shorts just because it sort of fit better with the shorts just with how they’re cut. They were the high cut, high leg sort of bikini bottom that was popular in the early 90s.

If you’ve seen Mrs Doubtfire and you remember the scene where Mrs Doubtfire tries to flirt with a woman at a pool bar while in costume, that’s the kind.

Anyway, so we leave for my appointment and I decide not to bring my book because I feel there won’t be much down time. My mom informs me that her card has an overheating problem even after replacing the coolant in it so that there actually will be a lot of downtime.

We arrive at my appointment with no incident, but on the way back we had to stop constantly to wait for the car to cool down. We probably ended up being pulled over for about an hour and a half combined. It was well past lunchtime when we finally made it back. I made ramyun for lunch.

I was changing back into pajamas. I usually wear a bra/crop top and baggy flannel pants. The bikini bottoms I had worn early made a noticeable imprint and since they were really high it was like right under my bellybutton. I usually wear my pajama pants high but suddenly there was a reason for it.

yesterday I was at a grocery store and heard this song playing. Can’t remember the name, but it was one of those songs that everyone over the age of 20 or 25 has heard just from existing in the world, but it’s no one‘s favorite song. They play it on the oldies radio station, in the department store, it might’ve been in a Kohl’s commercial from 2005, you know?

I caught myself drumming my fingers to the beat of the song on the shopping cart. I just suddenly thought, what has happened to me? I happen to be visiting my hometown and was at the grocery store with my mom and my brother. I remember going to this grocery store when I was a little kid, riding in the car. My mom would say, “oh, who sings this song?” as if we would know…. We would say “this is old people music”. Now at 27 I know all of the old people music. I now know all the movies that my parents at one point said, “you’ve never heard of that movie before?!” about.

I remember learning all of these basic cultural things, just getting acquainted with the world. I think Weezer was one of the first real bands I learned about. I remember learning what Jaws and Lord of the Rings were. I remember hearing the title “A Clockwork Orange” for the first time when my mom made a joke about her half-done makeup.

it’s not that I miss not knowing these things, because I really do like knowing things. But it’s just that I miss when the world was so wide open. There was so much to learn. And it felt so exciting. I wish I could learn everything again for the first time.

I know there’s always more to learn, but you have to admit it’s not the same. I was learning that there are other planets. And that there are countries, and that we have a president (and I was learning that George Washington and George Bush were different people). There are only so many fruits in the world to try for the first time, you know?

our company moved floors over the weekend and facilitates told everyone not to worry because our stuff would be moved to the same assigned desk.

came in Monday and that was mostly true.

except for the chairs.

apparently someone decided chairs were just chairs and randomly distributed all of them.

people immediately started walking around checking seat cushions like they were identifying missing pets.

one guy literally yelled WHO HAS MY STEELCASE from across the floor.

I found my nouhaus three departments away with someone from accounting sitting in it.

she was actually super nice and immediately gave it back, but then we had to figure out whose chair SHE had been given.

that led to another person.

then another.

by 10am there were like six adults rolling chairs around the office trying to rebuild the original seating arrangement.

facilities eventually sent an email asking everyone to stop moving furniture without approval.

bro YOU started this 😂

I got a scam call the other day, and at first it sounded like an actual call from the CRA (Canadian revenue agency) and it had the normal recording, and then for English press 1, but before I could press it, it did the recording again but in Chinese.

For those who don't know, Canada's official second language is French and government agencies have to offer both languages, it's not just a random thing. These scammers tipped themselves off by not looking up why we have two languages for damn near everything.

I just thought it was funny.

So I stopped by the supermarket on my walk home yesterday just to grab one single lime for dinner. That was literally my only item. I walked over to the self-checkout lane, scanned the barcode sticker on the fruit and set it down on the metal bagging platform.

the machine immediately froze. The screen started flashing amber with a message telling me to place the scanned item in the bagging area. The lime was already sitting right in the center of the metal scale. It just didn't weigh enough to trigger the sensor. I picked it up and set it down firmly three times. Nothing.

This was ABSOLUTELY ridiculous. I should of just went to a regular staffed register. I stood there alone under the fluorescent lights having a silent standoff with a computer scale. I ended up placing my heavy metal house keys next to the lime just to add some weight. The machine instantly sounded a loud red alert for an unauthorized object. The bored teenage employee walked over, stared at my single fruit and keys for five seconds, scanned his badge, and walked away without saying a word. Why do supermarket scales have an existential crisis over small citrus fruit.

When i was about 11 I remember this one Saturday morning where I was playing on the wii and suddenly my mom tells me that my friends are coming to pick me up to go to the pool in a few minutes, i tell my mom I dont wanna go and she tells me I have no choice it is what it is I guess

My friends get to my house we go to there apartment and im thinking we're going to the pool at the complex but they tell me we're actually going to the pool at there friends apartment complex an hour away because its his birthday. Im thinking this is odd but I guess i have no choice anyway

We get the apartments we meet up with his friends and we go to the pool we're having a good time for the most part and my mom calls me so i answer and she asks how its going and I tell her what happened and that im really an hour away and she starts getting pissed and yelling at me a bit. Im just thinking to myself that I didn't even wanna come here in the first place

After a bit we go upstairs because there gonna cut the cake and all that bs, we played some ninja turtles video game on the GameCube for a bit and we go to sing happy birthday and stuff was kinda awkward since I really didn't know anyone except my friends and im just hanging in someones apartment

We start to drive back to my house and my friends uncle who was driving us was kinda drunk there were beer bottles all over the floor of the car and at some point we were passing through toll stop and he went through the sun pass and sped right through it, Managed to get home at like 1am, it was a weird day.

Sorry for poor grammar