u/roritha

yesterday I was at a grocery store and heard this song playing. Can’t remember the name, but it was one of those songs that everyone over the age of 20 or 25 has heard just from existing in the world, but it’s no one‘s favorite song. They play it on the oldies radio station, in the department store, it might’ve been in a Kohl’s commercial from 2005, you know?

I caught myself drumming my fingers to the beat of the song on the shopping cart. I just suddenly thought, what has happened to me? I happen to be visiting my hometown and was at the grocery store with my mom and my brother. I remember going to this grocery store when I was a little kid, riding in the car. My mom would say, “oh, who sings this song?” as if we would know…. We would say “this is old people music”. Now at 27 I know all of the old people music. I now know all the movies that my parents at one point said, “you’ve never heard of that movie before?!” about.

I remember learning all of these basic cultural things, just getting acquainted with the world. I think Weezer was one of the first real bands I learned about. I remember learning what Jaws and Lord of the Rings were. I remember hearing the title “A Clockwork Orange” for the first time when my mom made a joke about her half-done makeup.

it’s not that I miss not knowing these things, because I really do like knowing things. But it’s just that I miss when the world was so wide open. There was so much to learn. And it felt so exciting. I wish I could learn everything again for the first time.

I know there’s always more to learn, but you have to admit it’s not the same. I was learning that there are other planets. And that there are countries, and that we have a president (and I was learning that George Washington and George Bush were different people). There are only so many fruits in the world to try for the first time, you know?

I know you can’t learn everything from TV and film. But I do find myself often thinking back to interactions I’ve seen in media, or trying to mimic things I see on TV.

Like watching real housewives, I learned that sometimes it’s okay and normal to talk over people, or just jump into a conversation. I tried it out in real life and realized NOT doing this is why it felt so hard to get a word in before. I would wait til people are done talking, then wait a second longer because I can’t read whether they are about to say more. By the time I’m sure the thought was done, they’re starting to say something else to fill the silence or someone else jumped in. Or sometimes I’ll have a specific question/problem and look for answers in TV shows. How do people initiate serious conversations? How do you grow an acquaintance into a friend?

If I have something on in the background, I would like it to have some realistic social interactions and relationships to learn from a bit. Would personally prefer lighter watching for this, like reality tv or comedy, but open to all suggestions.

I was prescribed Singulair when I was first diagnosed with mild/mod asthma at age 6. Few months later I started to feel “sick” at night and had trouble sleeping. Less than 2yr later they took me off it because of this - They thought it was upsetting my stomach.

I was also feeling depressed around this time in my life. Had a crisis of faith, terrified of death/non-existence, anxious that I’d die in my sleep, and cried often about growing up and time passing. I dreaded the day ending. Hard to explain but I also felt like I couldn’t see as widely or vividly as I used to, like there was a dim vignette around my vision. Like I was watching a movie rather than being immersed in the world, like I had horse blinders on. I knew my peripheral vision had not actually changed. But it was really like those depression med commercials where everything is in a grey filter vs the full saturation I had before.

I realized when I was a bit older that the “sick” feeling was also anxiety/depression. That’s just the physical feeling I get with it. So for the longest time I just thought I was a depressed kid and accidentally blamed it on the medicine.

But TIL Singulair has a box warning about mental health impacts…. Mind blown. This makes SO much because I was never depressed like that again. I’m just curious of others’ experiences with it. It’s probably different for everyone but I’m wondering if anyone had a similar experience.

Something about sausages - hot dogs, breakfast sausage, chicken sausage, but ESPECIALLY brats - just takes my appetite to zero. They aren’t that filling but something about the taste just makes me want to stop eating. I’ll be like “man I’m so hungry better make two hotdogs, can’t wait to eat my hotdogs” and then EVERY time I have to save the second for later bc I am just so done eating after 1. It’s delicious and I enjoy it, it’s not like I feel disgusted after eating it or anything, I’m just not interested in food afterward. idk what it is about it. Maybe the combination of spices and processed meat and fat? I don’t feel this way about any other food

TLDR: how do you be authentic and open in everyday conversation without being weird? what is one thing I can try today as a first step? practical tips and examples appreciated!

I feel like a lot of people know nothing about me as an adult (27). When I was younger I was very open, shamelessly talking on end about whatever thing I was obsessed with, sharing exactly and honestly what I was thinking about, even if it was a little odd. In high school I felt a lot of judgement for this, so I dialed it back. I didn't want to be so much of a weirdo that it kept me from making friends. Tbf there were real flaws in my behavior and the way I interacted with people, but in judging my past self, I applied this negative judgement to all of that openness and authenticity and intensity too.

Throughout college I judged myself, sort of applying what I learned from others in high school to "correct" my behavior. I learned a lot of good things in this time, went to therapy for social anxiety, improved my conversational skills, and healed some of the bitterness. But I also feel like I suppressed parts of myself. I saw some of my unconventional interests and harmless quirks as part of what was 'wrong' with me, when I don't think that's totally true. I feel like I am so boring to others now. I feel like I have nothing to share, not because I don't do anything or have interest, but because none of them can pass through the "normal and nice and pleasing to all" filter I've installed.

I filter myself partly because I think it'll help me connect with people, and partly because I'm afraid of being judged. I protect my interests (and inner world generally) by hiding them, because sharing them so authentically felt like it ruined them and ultimately made me hate them, and hate myself for loving them, in the past. I want to keep the good things I learned, conversational skills, being more approachable and warm, etc. while removing some of this filter which I don't think should really be there. But I really don't know how to share things in everyday conversation. I know that sounds dumb, but I feel like I don't know when is appropriate or not. How to not be off-putting.

I’m 27, finishing up my dissertation in a social sciences field in a couple months. It feels almost like I’m getting cold feet. I just keep thinking about all the other things I’ve ever wanted to be and how much more exciting they sound than what I do now and what is up next for me based on my qualifications. It’s a nice job but was never what I dreamt of. If you told me as a kid what I would end up getting my PhD in, I would be so confused.

I always thought I wanted to be a researcher. I like to uncover new information, and was always good in math and science. But I’m realizing that it’s really more broad - I just want an “investigative” role, and that includes more than just “principal investigator”. I like my work and it’s vaguely important but it’s just not very exciting or engaging much of the time.

In high school I really wanted to be a medical examiner/forensic pathologist. Really any kind of medical doctor though. I like the idea of diagnosing and helping people with that information. I was more drawn to forensic pathology because the goal is understanding what happened, not fixing anything. I was on a pre-med path in my bachelor’s, but then I got an academic misconduct violation… I read that med school admissions always ask if you’ve had any history of academic misconduct and if you answer yes you become an auto reject at all but the very bottom tier of schools. And I wasn’t gonna lie about that. So I switched directions toward a PhD because they usually don’t ask about that and are much more understanding (because no one’s lives are at stake probably).

I don’t even know what the point of this post is. I don’t think it’s realistic to go back to school after a PhD and I’m gonna give it a few more years in this field anyway to try it out. I just feel like I made one big mistake, which didn’t feel that big at the time, that derailed my whole career path. I’m glad I have something that works for me now and pays but it’s just not what I wanted. There are other things I’d consider too that are less drastic (would not require like 10 more years of education). Any advice?

I'm just getting into IF, interested in the health benefits that happen at or after 24 hours. Right now I'm doing one 24 hr fast per week, always on a week day, from dinner to dinner.

So the hardest hours are often during my work day... And the hunger feelings are distracting to me which interferes with work. I still get things done but I don't want to feel distracted, I want to be able to focus like usual. I'm not distracted by thoughts of food, I don't have brain fog, it's just the physical feeling of hunger in my stomach that is distracting.

How do you deal with it? I am not willing to change the timing because I don't want it to interfere with any meals I typically share with my partner, friends, etc. Do you get better at tuning it out after a while? Drinking water or plain tea/coffee helps for about 2 minutes and then it's back. And I hate having to pee every 20 mins!

I got a call from a number that's in my area code, and coincidentally (?) has the same first three digits (after the area code) as me. They left this voicemail: "(my name), just give me a call when you have a chance. I wanted to tell you something. Bye." It sounded like a real person (sounded like a middle aged woman to me), but who knows anymore.

EDIT/UPDATE: she called again and didn’t leave a voicemail. I may have accidentally declined the call though. I saw a name this time in the caller ID. I only found Google results for one person in my state with this name and can’t find much about her. Looks like she may be a retired teacher. I do work with teachers sometimes but not this person, and not even her district.

UPDATE 2: She called again hours later and left a voicemail. “(10s of background noise) .. I didn’t talk to her much … about it. (30s of silence and occasional background noise) What the hell is wrong with my.. thingamabob? (30s of silence) My volume won’t work. Oh, what the hell… what the hell? (hangs up after 20 more sec of silence)” She has a local accent. Scammer or boomer with the wrong number? Is it an authentic butt dial or another call back lure?

Do you think I should call back, and what might happen if I did? I would never give up any information other than what they already have (my first name) until I get some really solid confirmation of who I'm speaking to.

I imagine someone I really admire and want to impress is watching me. Maybe that's your supervisor, a big name in your field, a really productive and dedicated colleague. Just someone you really wouldn't want to look incompetent or lazy around.

For me it's a senior colleague who is very dedicated and intelligent, who I really look up to, who I want to impress, and who has really good connections that could help me in the future. I don't actually work in the same room as him very often but when I do, I am so productive, efficient, and my work is high quality.

The energy of others can influence your behavior and mindset, but when I'm working remotely, I don't have a good group of "others" to energize me in that way. Sometimes just thinking about those good influences is enough, or pretending that they are sitting right behind you or next to you.

That effect could also be a little toxic if the motivation is based on fear, shame, unhealthy comparison etc. I try to think about people who I genuinely look up to.

Just saw this tiktok from ashralouisa where someone asked if she wanted water or a snack and she said “no, I do not perceive physical needs when I’m outside of my home” and I felt that SO hard and haven’t ever heard anyone express this experience before. I didn’t think of it as related to autism previously. I know not to take these tiktoks too seriously — I wanna say I really don’t know that it’s associated with autism. Does anyone else experience this?

If I’m not at home, especially if I’m in a social situation or mentally engaged in something, I don’t feel hungry, sleepy, thirsty, etc. Where normally I’m very routine, eating meals at 7, 12, and 5 every day with little variation and I’m always eager for the next meal, if I’m out with a friend I don’t even notice that I’m hungry and that it’s 8pm and we haven’t gotten dinner yet. Then I get home and realize I’m starving and could eat a whole meal.

I usually go to bed at 10:30 or 11, but if I’m with someone or out, I am wide awake at this time. I might be thinking “I want this to be over so I can go home and go to bed”… but I am not tired in the moment. I compare this to my NT friends who can and will fall asleep anywhere if they’re tired.

I’ve often read that to be successful socially, you need to be interested in people, and ideally the interest should be genuine.

I am very interested in complete strangers’ lives weirdly. But some people I know or meet, I struggle to feel interested sometimes. That sounds bad…

Like when I go to a party and meet some friend of a friend. I don’t really care about their job. I don’t really care that they like local theatre or pickleball or whatever. Don’t care that such and such mutual did X thing and so and so is mad at them.

My brain just glosses over this stuff, it’s like instantly thrown out when the convo ends. I know I may never see them again or if I do it’ll be another surface level convo at a party 6 months from now. And my brain is honestly just trying to get the convo over with. But maybe if I wasn’t like this we would become friends and see each other more, and there would be more interest…

It happens even with some people I know very well from time to time. I’m happy to listen but don’t care to ask follow-up questions. If I do, I don’t care about the answers and it just makes me feel so fake. How do you become more interested in people? Does it come with time, once your relationships become deeper and your social skills are better?

I workout at home and will often do my first set, then go off and do something for maybe 5 mins until I feel fully recovered and then go again, and repeat. But I see lots of people saying the ideal rest time is closer to 1 minute. Am I hurting my progress by doing this?

When I wait longer like this, I can do pretty much the same # of reps each set or maybe even increase by the end. If I only wait 1 minute my # of reps til failure decreases pretty rapidly… But maybe that’s still the ideal way to do it?

I would appreciate advice but also explanation as to why one way is better than the other (or not)!

My dance instructor once pointed this out to me in high school and I always come back to her comment: "I only ever see you practicing things you're already good at". And she is so right. I was a naturally gifted jumper, but not great at pirouettes/turns. I hardly ever practiced my turns outside of when we were forced to in class. I guess I just felt that my efforts were not worth it, and a little embarrassed. I would try so hard just to make incremental progress. Might as well focus on what I'm good at. After many years of this, I was really outstanding at some things, and really shockingly bad at other things, rather than being a well-rounded dancer.

This applies to many areas of my life I think. In my work and school, I only feel very motivated and really enjoy doing things that I'm already good at and have always been pretty good at. The problem is that when you are learning and moving on and up in your career, you are constantly challenging yourself, so you don't often get to engage in many of those things you're "already good at". So I feel a little miserable all the time...

It feels like there's this conflict between my potential and my natural tendencies. I know that I can progress and climb high... at least I like to think that about myself, because people have always said that and I've done it so far, I guess. At the same time, I feel like I'm one of those people that would rather be the biggest, brightest fish in a small pond than a smaller, duller than average fish in the big ocean, even if I am really the same size and brightness regardless of where I am. However I know that moving to progressively bigger metaphorical ponds is what will help me grow biggest in the long run.

How do you fix this mindset? Maybe my problem is that I'm not very good at growing/making progress, and need to discover more effective strategies that will feel more worthwhile?

Is it that hard to send a boiler plate rejection notice via email? People are trying to plan their lives… They want to know what’s going on. This should not be so normalized.

All the other postdoc positions I've applied to just ask for a CV, cover letter, and references. This one also asks for a "brief statement of research interests". I drafted a few short paragraphs, just under 200 words, but I honestly have no idea what is expected here. I talked about my interest in the particular methods and tools their lab has to offer, showing how I envision my interests (which are demonstrated in my prior research) connecting to these things. How long do you think a "brief" research interest statement be?

My favorite lip is clinique’s black honey, then I take a tinyyy bit of any brown mascara on a qtip and mix that into the lip color. I would love suggestions for a brown lip liner that would serve this purpose so I don’t have to be weird carrying around mascara and a qtip lol.. I’d like something softer, like literally a soft texture, for easy blending. I don’t actually want to line with it.

If it helps, I have very fair skin, med-dark auburn hair. My skin is pretty neutral toned, and I’ve found I look best with muted berry cheeks and lips (Eve cloud paint, black honey) and use a cool taupe eyebrow pencil for contour (bronze just doesn’t look right).