Didn't know what to flair it 💔
Also the note was just like him !
I did put him with purple like his plushie versions have cause i think it looked much better than the black colors did !
So like basically, idk if it's cause of my schizophrenia i believe this or if i just genuinely am a bad person and im self aware of it but like i'm always worried i'm such an awful person.. and i genuinely believe i hurt others mentally and emotionally..
i've told my gf and my best friend countless times about this and they always say i'm a good person that i shouldn't worry or feel bad or think these things.. but i do..
i've told my gf countless times to just break up with me and leave me because i'm not a good person and i'm not good for her but she knows im just talking out of my head.. i am very thankful for her as she's stayed with me these 2 years even as my symptoms have gotten worse through the course of our relationship..
anyway, she and my best friend are always telling me i am good but i still believe i'm an awful *awful* person that doesn't like deserve anything i'm given yk-
I'm just always worried and scared i'm gonna emotionally hurt those around me, especially those i love..
I try to be good, but i just genuinely think no matter what i do im just gonna be a bad person..
Like, i remember some episodes i've had when i've talked to my gf about the leaving me part.. Those last at least 3 hours.. And it's just me constantly saying stuff about how i'm so awful and i'm awful to her and stuff and telling her how she should leave me because she doesn't need someone so awful in her life.. even thinking about how i say things like that to her makes me feel awful.. she understands though, and she's really helped me through all this.. i just feel so guilty i do this to her..
idk, it'd just be nice to know if anyone else struggles with this feeling.. i really don't like feeling this way :(
(i wasn't sure what to flair this, so i just put it as a vent for now, also not sure if this is allowed so remove if its not)