We're a quiet married couple looking for an RV spot for our new 5th wheel. We're full-timers and need a sewer line, electricity, and water, along with a separate outlet where we can charge our EV. Coupeville to Clinton is our preferred location, the closer to Coupeville the better. Please DM.
I have a certified baptismal record for my G0, sent by the United Church of Canada Archives, which keeps the original.
I have genealogical birth certificates and official death certificates for my G1 and G2.
I am G3.
I intend to send a letter explaining that getting certified copies of the G1 and G2 birth certificates is not possible without suing the State of New York.
Do I need to sue the State of New York to get the certified birth certificates?
And do I need to send anything else?
I’m lucky in that I’m a direct descendant of my G0, and we all have the same last name.
Thank you for your opinions! ❤️
Yup. It happened to us. Middle daughter left the entire family behind. She was 22 and living at home but sometimes staying over at her boyfriend’s place when we began to notice her drifting away. Then she became sullen. Then angry. And we didn’t know why. For a while she was alternately loving and vicious; we never knew what was coming around the corner. And finally she said goodbye via a two-sentence text and then cut us all off, blocked us, the whole family. That was three years ago.
Our other two adult kids and their spouses are angry with her and have said over and over that her leaving wasn’t our fault. It wasn’t their fault either.
Losing her has been soul-withering. I miss her terribly and dream of her at least every couple of weeks (an improvement; it was nightly at first). But we’ve all realized that with her went the family drama we’d been experiencing forever. Ultimately, we’re a happier, healthier family without her. And yet there isn’t much I wouldn’t do or give to have her back. I can’t help it; I’m her mama. I worry about her, wonder what she’s doing, find things I want to share with her, miss her jokes, miss her laugh…we used to be so very close, she used to be so loving…
She got married, has at least one child we’ve never seen (the only grandchild we will probably ever have). They bought a house across the street from her in-laws. Their whole, large family lives in close proximity. And I’m happy for her. It’s all she’s ever wanted. To be a mama, a large family, animals, a garden, a husband, financial security.
I found out that two neighbors’ daughters did the same, independently of each other. It’s a lot more prevalent than most might think. I’ve met so many parents abandoned by their kids since this happened to us. Oprah even did an hour-long show on it (though I take issue with much of the content of it). Nearly everyone knows someone it’s happened to (or it’s happened to them).
I’ve learned that there are people online preying on emerging adults, convincing them that the natural angst they feel upon becoming an adult and the captain of their own ship is because their parents are “toxic,” “abusive,” “manipulative” “exploitative,” etc., and that the adult child has been “gaslighted” and has “trauma” and “cPTSD” or “dissociative disorder” etc.
These people convince the adult children that the solution is to join a $70/month community for “support” and take $40 workshops on “How to Write the Goodbye Letter,” etc. One such influencer had 700 active members last I knew; you do the math. :-/
And, even if the emerging-adults don’t belong to one of these paid communities, the ideas espoused there are still being disseminated on social media. It’s spreading. And it’s too big to put back in the jar.
One of the worst parts is that, when you disclose this—even to complete strangers who know absolutely nothing about your family—they usually strongly suspect that you’re somehow at fault or that you really were abusive, etc.
And it’s painful too because it’s a grieving process not unlike grieving over someone who has died, yet there’s no closure. Instead, you’re perpetually left wondering if they’ll ever come back. And when. And if you can (or should) do something to bring that about.
Every parent I’ve spoken to who’s been through this has said they were plagued with self-doubt and shame, at least at first and even if it wasn’t warranted. I sure was. And I still am, from time to time. Going to sleep at night and waking up are the worst times for me; that’s when my mind dwells on “What if….” and I sometimes I still cry.
This is the first time I’ve publicly shared about this, and I fully expect (and dread) the nasty responses I may gather. I saw one lady tell her story on YouTube, and half of the comments were from parents sympathizing, while the other half were from estranged adult children who were blaming her. (“You know exactly what you did! Parents always know!” opined one.) It was rough on her. But I feel it’s important for at least some of us to speak up so the ones who are silently suffering a fresh estrangement and doubting themselves like I did at first (and still catch myself doing) don’t feel alone. But please don’t feel pressured to share your story. That’s something you should only do if you’re ready for it. I think I am.
The whole situation is horrible.
Yes, every human relationship can be improved, every human relationship has at least some friction, but that doesn’t mean that one side or the other is abusive, manipulative, exploitative, gaslighting, etc
If you’re reading this and nodding your head, hugs. I know it won’t help you hurt less, but please know you’re not alone, and it’s likely that you’re not to blame. Social media and a few evil “leaders” are manipulating and abusing our kids, not us.
If you’re reading this and thinking this could never happen to you because you and your child are incredibly close and talk about everything and are demonstrative and honest with each other and have fun together and spend tome together and respect each other….well, I’m here to tell you that you’re wrong; it can happen to you. Talk to your kids about this before it does. Warn them that, as they become adults, it’s normal to feel angsty, even angry at your parents as they become equals and realize their parents made mistakes, but that those feelings will pass and your relationship will come out the other side even stronger (It did with our ither kids). If you cannot admit to your child that you make mistakes, I urge you to seek family therapy.
I’m not sure if saying these things to your child after they’ve estranged themselves would do any good; mine never gave me the opportunity.
I have finally sought therapy and am doing better.
I hope this post helps someone. I know that for some who have been cut off by their kids, it’ll drag them back down into an emotional black hole, and I’m sorry. If that’s you, please go easy on yourself. You have my permission to go outside for a walk, do some box breathing, pick some spring wildflowers, play fetch with your dog, watch a Jane Austen movie, or break open a pint of ice cream. More hugs.
Please note: I’m not an AI; I’m an ex-English teacher who knows how to use punctuation.