u/petermxrphy

I've been struggling for over 3 years with extreme mood swings, chronic emptiness and such bad abandonment issues and this also led me to developing an eating disorder (im mostly recovered from that now though), but i finally decided to reach out for help again because its severely impacting my relationship with friends and my bf. I went to NHS talking therapies CBT once, but it was awful and I don't want to go back, it only made me worse.

My GP has ticked of bipolar on the referral form ?? (i suspect bpd but that is besides the point) for some reason but I am really worried about this referral because I've only heard bad experiences from my many friends who have been to CAMHS with team members just ignoring their issues and not taking them seriously. I don't know what to do and I just want to know if it can actually help me or if i am doomed.

I have no idea what this is but i am 100% sure it came out of his cloaca because i watched him, there is some regular snake poop near it which also came out but this came out after. He hasnt eaten in nearly 2 weeks due to a heatwave he refused a meal because of uncomfortable temps i believe (I have taken measures to add a cool side to his vivarium despite this and its working) but i have no idea what this is and I am very worried. I know theres an exotic vet around but I would rather use this as a last resort as my parents will be angry at me if he needs the vet. But i will take him to the vet if needed! Hes 18 months old ish, 46g and around 12 inches

I have relapsed HARD. I want to get back to when i was happy before this, i want things to be how they used to be, but the dysmorphia is so bad I feel like i can't. The guilt is crazy. I hate this so much. Im so scared this disorder is going to take everything from me all over again, including my bf. Hes been supportive but i promised him id try my best and ive failed i just feel like a burden to everyone. I want to stop but I feel like i deserve this, but I dont want to lose him. I just dont know what to do anymore.

I've been struggling for a while now dipping back into my ED habits, even just for a day, but i always pulled myself back out.

Yesterday my friends introduced me to a girl that they know because they thought we'd get along. Shes really nice but she has my dream body. Shes shorter than me, thinner, smaller frame and bone structure, shes everything i wanted to be. And its driving me crazy. Ive learnt she has an ED too because she added me on tiktok and reposts about it. That was it. Im relapsing and I know it now, i have been for a while but ive been denying it. I cant deny it anymore. I dont even know why im bothering because 🌟ving myself isnt going to make me 7 inches shorter and give me small hip bones. Its just not all about that though.

I feel so guilty, i feel like im letting everyone down by falling back into this. But i dont know what to do anymore. I felt like i failed when i started recovery and now i feel like im failing again, yet i dont want to stop.