u/plantain-lover

I'm looking into making my own soaps for several reasons (liquid hand soap, body wash, etc). I could easily add more hydrating oils into it, but most of them ask for a small (!) amount of Castile soap. I know everyone is different, but does anyone have any feedback on this? Is it inherently irritating? Looking in particular at one of Dr. Bronner's, but doesn't have to be theirs.

I only have one experience using it as a body wash, and I remember my skin being horrifically dried out and itchy for a while afterwards. However and with that said, that was a long time ago, and I don't know whether the person who'd supplied the soap diluted it properly or any of the other details.

I feel like these questions are so dumb. But I have a toddler, no local support, absolutely no support in any way from "father", working part-time / stay at home style so there isn't much of any breaks.

And when he falls asleep, I wind up staying up late to have that time alone. But I'm also not enjoying it. I just... can't relax, can't sleep. I haven't really grieved-grieved the marriage, in part because I'm not allowed to break down AT ALL (just me), in part because it'd just be depressing and nothing would come for it.

I find that at the end of the day.... I want like one of two things. One is a nice salt bath with essential oils, in really hot water, which we turned so many apartments down to have one with a bathtub I could do this in (landlord is horrible, tub doesn't work, long story, can't do this). The other PRIMARY thing I want to do is just cuddle up (for a short time) with my husband and/or dance for 1-20 minutes in the kitchen or have some very low key, SHORT date before going to sleep, and maybe barely touching but kind of working/reading/etc side by side. That's it. Obviously that "husband" doesn't really actually exist, and I guess never fully existed, but when I had that / thought I had that I never had any trouble sleeping. I fell asleep quickly and slept soundly and woke up rested. Those little 'date' like moments felt so good, and I miss them so much, and they are also... not replicable, like at all.

Like, I don't really want to even talk to anyone. We are not 'dating' nor am I anywhere near that, but that whole idea sounds absolutely torturous and not remotely like what I want. I just want silent, or mostly silent, time with an adult man I love, trust, am attracted to, and can be a bit flirtatious with while cuddling into, all while still at home and in tiny short but also daily/frequent bursts. The only upside here is that my sex drive is down so low I don't 'need' anything, but also thank goodness, because I have nobody to think about. I'm partially deliberately not training/conditioning and maybe even sleeping less, because I know those things would increase it and at this point in my life, it'd just make me cry or have no outlet at best.

I have a full day with my child. I bloody LOVE parenting and motherhood. I've kept my hobbies somehow at least a little bit, we BOTH get some artistic expression in, we spend time outdoors, we eat healthy, hydrate, get vitamin D, etc. I'm happy overall, even if I'm of course very unhappy and angry at what happened husband-/father- wise. But at the end of the night, I want some husband-wife (I mean, you know, a REAL husband) style connection time, whether purely affectionate, or more romantic date like, or a quick little dance, or whatever and then to cuddle up. Honestly, I'd love to speak even to like his "real" father--I want someone to gush over my child with, who is equally enamored and obsessed and down to celebrate the silly little details. I used to have that, and that felt so good at the end of the night (yeah I can journal or share some with a friend, but come on, nobody else is tearing up over how good your child smells or genuinely fascinated and excited to hear about how they pooped lol).

And without this... doesn't seem to matter what I do, how comfy I get, what I curl up with, what mood and scene I set for myself, how productive I am or am not, if I talk to someone else, what I eat as a snack, what teas I drink, whether I eat or don't, whether I'm on a screen or not, whether I dance alone or just sit silently with a candle, I feel I've tried so so much, and whatever it is, it does not feel good, and I wind up staying up way too late or just crying and still staying up late. I guess I don't actually know if a bath would help--maybe I'm just fooling myself there anyway or missing the life I thought we'd all be living in a different place that had this--but a shower does not. I'd love to see more sun during the day (we don't live in a place like that) or have a sauna/hot tub type release (not accessible either), but I also don't know how to replicate those without them. I've also tried just forcing myself to stay in bed (we cosleep), and I do love being able to watch him, but I will not / can not fall asleep doing that, either, no matter how long I try. I do all the 'right' things too sleep hygiene wise for my child to feel safe/secure/loved and also sleep hygiene wise. Just doesn't work on me, apparently.

So... other single moms, especially if it's more fresh and your children are younger.... what do you at the end of the night if you have a second alone? How do you relax? How do you make yourself sleep? Are you able to put yourself down at a reasonable time? Lol. I have that down for my child, but not myself! Please help.

I'm not sure if this is welcome in this sub or exactly what I'm hoping for here. I guess I am open to feedback, suggestions, and... expectation setting.

This might get me kicked out, but I have always been against the idea of WFH and childcare. They're two separate jobs, and both require your full focus. It feels disrespectful to BOTH to combine them. I'm coming from that perspective.

But... there is, or potentially is, some grey area here, right? When coming off of FMLA's measly 3 months, I was able to work with my baby on my chest during contact naps, then have him taken when he was awake/not nursing so I could work. That felt "good". Ultimately I left my job for various reasons. My child has now just turned 3. He still sleeps an extra 2 hours more than I do, and I just found this miraculous unicorn of a job (temporary 1-3 months probably) that is in my old career (gave up my career in my old/main field for about 3 years when they wouldn't let me extend leave or let me go part-time) that'll let me be remote, flexible, and do only 5-15 hours a week, potentially spread out in whatever way works over 2-4 weeks (great if he has a bad bad week of not sleeping!). That means.... 14 hours of sleep if lucky, which covers 5-15 hours a week, right? He'll also start preschool this fall or spring (lots of factors outside the scope of this post) and/or a childcare swap in 1-2 months (again subject to lots of factors).

He's also doing "quiet time"... we've worked up to 30 minutes, and sometimes we can do 60. This isn't in order to WFH, per se, a lot of parents just do or aim for this in when toddlers stop napping. And the way we do it, he has access to me--there are no closed doors--and can I guess opt to sit in my lap, and I tell him I'll always come to him if he needs help pottying or whatnot, but generally I am actually getting time to focus. So that amounts to 3.5-7 additional hours a week.

The other super grey area I'm starting to see is this: sometimes he just wants to play alone. We get a TON of time outdoors in nature, at playgrounds, on playdates, at the library, at peer style classes and places to play, and also lots of high connection time at home (tons of art, puzzles, reading, bars/rings/running, toys). He's awake some 12-14 hours. My focus is on him 100% of those seconds, outside the quiet time. No phone ever to respond to a message, at most I use it when needed to navigate to where we're going or send a quick coordination message. But he's beginning to sometimes opt to play kind of alone rather than help me cook or clean, or just wants some additional decompression time alone after a more intensely social or physical outing. That's fine. But also makes me question with some shock that, wait, I could indeed fit more work time in? 11-13 hours is a lot for anyone, including a child, right? Which has me questioning my whole former perspective. It's of course different than trying to force an 8 hour day--this is on his terms, not mine, and my work is flexible here--but I'm curious on others' perspectives here.

My head says... okay, so that's up to 21 hours a week without any preschool or childcare swap or time outside that 30-60 minutes of quiet time that I can work?! Amazing. That means I could take another job that's looking to interview me that's 15-20 hours a week and would be huge for my career! Obviously that's all variable--sometimes he isn't going to sleep, or won't handle quiet time well--but it's tempting, and I think more than doable with some additional support from a care swap or whatnot. There might be 1-3 months without a care swap/preschool hours, though, which would leave me without any time to "myself" alone, which would obviously be hard, though temporary. I just came off of an incredibly rough period of having zero seconds alone, as he hadn't been sleeping more than I'd been.

All of which is to say... I am realizing this might leave me no time to turn my brain OFF. To just zone out and watch a show. I don't love watching shows--I think it's kind of like an unhealthy coping mechanism I adopted after marriage-related-things--and I think I could probably work some reading time in while my toddler reads. He's currently leading that charge by having me sit next to him and handing me one of his books while he 'reads' his own (all at his very specific requests lol). There are still the occasional things I need to do on a laptop -- ordering items, asking questions because apparently I know nothing, etc etc. Basically, there'd be zero personal non-paid working time. But I also absolutely love, love my old work. It was a passion, a joy, something I literally dreamed about at night. I used to do it to relax, and never watched movies/TV/etc. I never felt a need to really turn off, or at least, not in a way that isn't met by the parenting part of my day (where we go to forests, or take a trip on transit, or window watch, and have meals together, or can kind of play and do sports together and art, etc etc -- I absolutely love love love parenting). Intellectually my work was so hard I often cried, but like... a very, very different type of 'hard' than the 'hard' that parenting is, a kind of hard I feel is pretty... complementary. I used to miss and need more socializing after work, which is kind of all that parenting is to an exhausting extent, whereas the work is... not social, and stretches a different part of my brain entirely. Does anyone here do this type of remote work? Does it feel relaxing, or just like a huge burn out after a long day of parenting?

Am I, or would I, be setting myself up for burnout, basically? Can or should I work more of this work type time into my day if child WANTS to do independent play? How do you balance things?

TLDR: Child sleeps 2+ hours more than I do (inconsistent, though) and handles 30-60 minutes of daily quiet time (also not consistent). Might have or within 3 months have ~6 hours of preschool or some additional childcare swap time with another mom (1-6 hours/week?). Deciding whether to take a part-time 15-20 hours/week remote, flexible job, potentially with a 1-2 month overlap with another job that'd be 20-60 hours/month (anytime too distribution-wise). Spouse is completely absent in all ways and no local family. Wanting to prioritize my child, and also not to burn myself out in the process. Will this burn me out emotionally? I'm already largely burnt out / recovering; will I be able to handle a new job like this or set myself back entirely? It would also reduce our financial/emotional/physical stressors in many ways.

I've listened to some videos and read enough about microplastics lately that I am absolutely horrified. I've learned enough to know I can't eliminate them by any stretch of the imagination, but I WOULD like to reduce how much is getting into my baby's body (and my own).

I'm overwhelmed, however, at just how prevalent they are. The videos and so on have a long list of things to avoid, to get rid of, and so on -- but not a lot of advice on what to buy/use instead. Additionally, the list is long. I'm severely limited on funds, and also frankly in time/emotional energy. I don't know how to prioritize the list based on impact it'd have on my child.

We already do some things... better. Our clothing is all (or almost all) natural fibers (though apparently cotton is sprayed with glyphosate?!). We use fragrance free, sensitive laundry detergents (fragrance is apparently a big issue, though not technically due to microplastics / toxicology related). We're cooking our own food etc from scratch. Our rugs are all wool and/or cotton. Our sheets and pillowcases and blankets are all natural fibers. Our kitchen plates/cups are glass/ceramic/not plastic. Environmentally, we use transit and make almost no non-compostable/recyclable trash just kind of an accident.

But we also... store food in plastic (not heated in plastic) tuppeware that's BPA free (apparently doesn't matter?!). Food goes into this or plastic freezer bags. We have 100+ of these things and they would NOT be easy to replace, nor would I even know what to safely replace them with that would also be functional. We do heavy meal preps / buy in bulk, and also go on picnics (long bus trips, things fall and get bumped and also I want something super light for longer trips. Plastic's great for those things; glass wouldn't work). We use plastic water/smoothie/protein shake bottles (again BPA free, used daily, again wouldn't work with glass). We rent, and the carpet is definitely not quality (plastic?). Our mattress and pillows aren't natural fibers. I don't really use cosmetics, but while we've tried looking for phthalate etc free shampoo/conditions/soaps, I'm not sure we succeeded at making it truly 'safe'. Honestly, I'm not even sure what to trust anymore ("fragrance" is not safe and can include dangerous chemicals, BPA free is still going to shed plastics, everything seems to be some form of endocrine disruptor... I don't know how and can't make everything from scratch, right?!).

I'm not looking for perfection -- my meat's going to come in plastic packaging from the grocery store,

Anyway. I'm looking to have a list of like 5 things of changes to make that are doable, in prioritized list of health effects, and like an alternate product link or material to use instead. I have a long long list of things I'd ideally replace, but I can't do them all at once or maybe not all of them period. Just looking to make our lives a little better. Curious as to whether anyone here has suggestions, or has embarked on this journey themselves!

Look, I know I want to have my cake and eat it, too. And we are very lucky to have two rooms (for now!) to choose from. I rent, so I don't know that we can put anything heavy/strong mounting-wise into our walls. I've had a floor mattress to make sleeping in the room work while still giving my toddler tons of floor space to play. I slept on that thin mattress for years with him... while it wasn't the worst, it did give me some hip/glute pain. I feel so much better sleeping on our luxe thick mattress!

We have a very, very nice bed in a different room that wouldn't work as a toy room, and unfortunately is apparently quite loud at night from neighbors when my child's trying to sleep (yeah, we have air filters, and the noise also comes from a.... window). I'd love to have the bed in the toy room, too, while still being able to put the bed 'upright' during the day, for a variety of reasons.

The mattress is HEAVY, thick, just foam so no structure / you can't just prop or rest it upright against the wall. I don't care about aesthetics; I'm fine just somehow securing it to the wall then adding like a curtain rod divider or something to make it look nicer (or not, and just nothing). It also doesn't need to be perfectly secure or convenient, nor for blankets etc to stay in place, just somewhat moderately functional so that the mattress floor space can be used for play instead of just mattress.

Is there any way to make this happen?

EDIT: To make this extra clear, I am NOT propping it against the wall currently. It's too heavy to do so safely. The whole point I tried to make in the above post is that that would not be a secure solution. I'm looking for secure solutions. I don't care if it's inconvenient, annoying, and kind of ugly, however, just looking for something that would be safe and not completely void a security deposit or be super expensive to set up etc.

Is this mold?

Hi all,

I am technically no longer cloth diapering -- my child isn't wearing them anymore -- but we had both flats and prefolds. I'd hoped to save them for a future child and/or reuse them for something else. My flats are all clean.

We have scalding, like steam rising, hot water. We have Oxyclean. We have enzyme cleaners. We obviously have regular detergent and add vinegar to the rinse. We've tried letting it soak. We have a 'heavy' cycle that usually works well. We've tried drying in the sun, too.

Some of my prefolds look like the one above. They all seemed to always get clean when we were 'just' using them as diapers, but they were used for more general cleaning and have looked like this ever since. Can anyone tell me what this is? Is it mold? If so, why is nothing that we're doing/trying working? Is there no hope for using them again as diapers, or maybe even not as anything else if it's mold?

Any help appreciated!

I have a countertop dishwasher like this: https://www.amazon.com/Countertop-Dishwasher-Washing-Programs-Portable/dp/B08SBR12S7/

I already:

- do monthly vinegar cleaning cycles

- clean the filter (the one that comes out easily by design) every 2-3 days

- look at the spinners and clear as needed (rare)

We are manually filling it each time. I'd like to know if there's anything else I can or should be doing to clean it. We bought it used, from a household that I don't think did much cleaning, and it was visibly dirty on the outside. I can see there are a lot of 'parts' I don't know how to access to clean (bottom portion, top filter thing you pour the water into).

Hi all, I started baking sourdough bread a little over half a year ago. I'd never baked anything at all prior, but it's been amazing! High learning curve and all, especially with a toddler present nonstop, but I've got several recipes I love and have gotten decently good at it. I'm also a single mom, and I do everything else cooking-wise in bulk, so I am trying to lighten my load by learning how to bake loaves in bulk, too.

My goal is to bake 2-3 months' worth of sandwich bread in one go, or at least as much as my oven will fit. I make the standard loaf pan's sandwich bread style bread, not the 'traditional' sourdough loaves, and my oven could easily fit more than I can probably eat in that amount of time. Aiming for 8-12 loaves would be great.

So far I'm up to 2 big mixing bowls (2 loaves of same type per bowl, often bake 2 different types that freeze well enough) and 4 loaf pans at once. I'm finding that it is hard to get things properly kneaded. Like I spend more time kneading, but it comes together less well? I'd love to know how people handle this! Are you separating dough into 1 loaf's worth and spending the 8-10 minutes kneading each one separately? Does kneading everything together somehow work for others but not me? If so, what am I doing wrong / how do I learn to do it better? Do people use machines for this or SNFs instead of kneading? Please help me, as this is what keeps tripping me up!

I'd also love any suggestions on buying/finding huge mixing bowls, which seem surprisingly expensive? I can't really figure out the actual size I need, but I have these. I tried buying the same size in a different brand, but those were smaller. All these bowls are also fairly expensive and don't offer a bulk buying discount, and I'd ideally actually be using enough bowl space for 8-12 loaves and also maybe even extra bowls for doing 4 batches' worth of pancakes or similar. I'm also wondering if I'm going about this the whole wrong way -- like should I be getting a 3 gallon food grade bucket to mix stuff in? I remember using / receiving those with dough in them when I worked at a restaurant. But my goal here is efficiency and ease of use above all else! I do think it'd be pretty hard to really properly mix a bucket, though, so if that's the way to go, please share how in the world you mix at all in all the way and knead it out.

This is just for our family with IBS. We can eat bread I make and our bodies feel great afterwards. We can't eat store brought bread without getting sick. We also save so much money. I don't really care when things don't turn out well or aren't pretty or whatever. I'm not trying to open a bakery. My toddler causes mayhem and mistakes regardless of my intentions. Just trying to figure out the equivalent of cooking in bulk to save time/energy/money and ensure our family gets fed well and I can handle hard days/weeks/months. Thank you for any advice!

I have two questions here: one, how to make these/what types of fabrics I need to use; two, systems of storage and cleaning.

1. napkins (to clean food off of face -- thinking of using flats/cloth diapers by cutting into smaller parts then just hemming along the lines?)
2. paper towels (to clean around the kitchen, wiping table/countertops/stovetops)(could easily limit to just my more natural vinegar/water spray) (thinking of using old towels for this)
3. paper towels (we also use these to clean mold and/or harsher things)
4. paper towels (we also use these to clean the bathrooms. Could limit to use with vinegar/water and/or bleach type solution, but we do NOT currently do so. Things here obviously get dirtier) (thinking of using old towels to 'make' these? Just cutting into smaller sections, hemming. Not sure if I need to double it up or not)
5. kitchen towels (these are traditionally cloth, and we have various cloth towels to hang on the stove handle, be next to the sink, etc. Tend to have some food residue, but nothing super gross.)
6. cloth diapers (almost never used anymore, but will use for the occasional accident clean up)
7. cloth wipes (rarely used anymore, but sometimes needed) (might like to save for drying after bidet, should we ever actually get one)
8. underwear with bodily fluids (Thinx with blood, or the rare occasional accident)
9. cloth for food. Cheesecloths, cotton bowl covers. I've already made these. I am washing them completely separately currently as both are used on things that are literally culturing bacteria.

I did NOT grow up in a household that used anything 'cloth'; we only used disposables. I was also never really taught anything. Please share any common sense! What's a good fabric to make these? Do they need to be doubled or tripled up when sewn together? Should we still plan to buy paper towels? What is and is not okay to clean up with cloth? What is and is not okay to wash together in the washing machine? Where do you store all these things (in a more convenient and sealed/sanitary way)? Do you have a special washing machine routine for different items? Will washing something that's touched more chemical cleaners contaminate other loads? We have free/clear/frangrance free/sensitive style detergents and no polyester in our clothing.

We have done cloth diapers/wipes and got all those things nicely clean. We currently use a container (vented) for kitchen towels and wash those separately. We have another container in our bathroom for any cloth diapers/wipes and napkins and soiled clothing. Both these things get prewashes (with vinegar on cold) followed by a main/heavy wash on scalding hot water and enzymes/detergent.

But we also don't really have a paper towel alternative, and I don't love our current storage solution. I tried using rags for a couple things and it seems to have just ruined the rags (heavy rust didn't come off, mold didn't seem to get out) and also kind of grosses me out to think of washing with other things.

Not quite sure how to ask this. I've had a 1-1.5 year long 'breaks' multiple times in my career due to chronic illness/disability, including one where I had to relearn language and a long list of things.

Still, I am finding myself surprisingly anxious about going back in. I wasn't expecting that and had felt confident. I think part of it is mixed with some form of PTSD / trauma, maybe? I had a horrible horrible traumatic experience at my last work, and honestly, it'd come after a whole decade last-straw style of experiences with intense bias once chronic illness was revealed.

Anyway. I did briefly do an 'easier' job that let me be part time, and felt no anxiety about that, but it wasn't "hard" in the same sense/was more physical, nor did I have an emotional past with that one. This is a learn a new language or three overnight, be in a new space, stretch your mind 120% with 100% of your focus, feel super hungry afterwards, gotta be able to meditate and focus perfectly type of thing.

I don't think it helps that I have NO time here, or very little, whereas before on salary full-time and not much else in life I could kind of be loosely thinking or even dreaming about solutions and it was easy to 'turn off' everything else in life. I'd be working very part-time now (5-15 hours a week, probably 5) and it's remote/flexible, so fairly ideal. But I'm also a single mom now and I'd be doing this while he sleeps, which in theory should be very easy/doable, but in practice I am also super burnt out right now from months of my child not sleeping more than I have (ie not getting a single second alone) and some stressful/traumatic things. I'm worried I don't really have the emotional energy/cleared mind to do the work, let alone to deal with the EXTRA anxiety and self-doubt I guess I am feeling about being able to do it after so much time apart.

Basically, after even a 3 month break apart from my 'old' job, I always had the feeling of "I don't know what I'm doing / how to do this". But it was brief and passed quickly and wasn't a very "strong" feeling. Right now it feels overwhelming, and I don't have many emotional/time resources to devote to it. Wondering, I guess, if others have felt the same way?

Hi all,

First off, this guide is fantastic: https://www.reddit.com/r/GermanRoaches/comments/1fd8aio/how_to_kill_german_roaches/

We have German roaches. I believe they are breeding within our countertop dishwasher unit, purchased secondhand. This sits on our counter, which renders a lot of advise kind of useless since that's a food prep area. I think there's also maybe some standing water that's always "in" it, but nowhere I can really reach it and there's a whole bottom electronic portion that is similarly inaccessible. There are no roaches in the visible portions of the dishwasher, and we've run cleaning cycles of vinegar/etc. This thing gets run 2-4 times a day on heavy/hot, because we make a lot of dishes and it is tiny. We would consider tossing it, but economic and sanity factors aside, they are also in our microwave now (in the LCD panel completely inaccessible, disgusting) and who knows where else, so I'm no longer convinced that getting rid of it would solve our issues. We are EXCESSIVE cleaners, even as a single mom with a tot, and that we have roaches is absolutely infuriating. I've always been able to get rid of all roaches in apartments that were infested with them on move-in just by living there for a while (due to my habits) and/or roaches would only skip over our apartment between apartments along the ceiling and not come in (former 'luxury' building).

We have already been using bait gel, IGRs, and are about to replace the IGRs and spray insecticide. The infestation is nowhere as bad as some things I've seen online, nor what I've seen in more humid/tropical climates, and seems to vary between "same as in beginning" or "slightly more than in the beginning". We promptly began the bait gel treatment once we saw the first roach.

Anyway. Most guides assume dishwashers are built-in. Ours is just a countertop unit. I want to know if I can place it in a sealed bag, maybe with some bait inside the bag or dessicants etc, or place the whole countertop unit into our massive deep freezer? Would either of those work? If so, can anyone share how long they'd need to be out of service for? Or where to find a plastic bag that can seal perfectly like that large enough for a countertop unit?

Any advice is appreciated!

Look, I've tried and failed my entire life, with disastrous results, to develop this for my own self... so I'm not expecting any success stories here.

I don't have a family / cut contact with an abusive one. This has been devastating at every stage of my life. Nowadays, I'm sort of "over it", but I have to see my child be sad he doesn't have that family. This was still true even before I was in a single moms sub... I would have LOVED to have found a grandparent, aunt, uncle, etc type figure for him. I would have LOVED to have mock extended family to spend holidays with. Obviously husband and I all celebrated together, but we were both saddened by this. And now... he has just me. Just one person. I do my best, but let's be real, that isn't fair to my child nor to me. I think everyone "deserves" a full family network of people, and that different people serve different roles. I also came from a large family, and loved that part, and wanted that for us.

Things have always failed in the past because no matter how explicit I am, the male "just like grandpa/brother/whatever" always winds up with them hitting on me or even just hoping for more. I have long since decided to not have male friends. And being a single mom would of course make all that worse and even less likely to go well.

I've seen official programs marketed towards 'low income' 'foster' type families, but I don't really want ourselves identified nor seen in that way, nor to commit to treating another adult like family before... knowing them, developing trust and respect, etc. We're also really just looking for the relationship.

Is this just something we'll have to live with? Has anyone here found a magical, non-familial grandparent/family type figures? I would want them to be childless but maybe not by choice, maybe married, as the best potential match there, but then I have no idea where to meet a large demographic of people who meet this type of criteria.

Hi all,

Some beginner ish questions, though I've read this guide: https://www.reddit.com/r/HomeMilledFlour/comments/1hw0ndt/crash_course_for_beginner_home_milling/

First off, I try to 'scale up' everything and generally want to put as little effort in as possible... while still being able to eat things that make me feel good, too. The better taste and texture are bonuses! Money saved is also great.

I'm not looking for perfection in anything. We use organic whole wheat flour (13.3% protein) that is allegedly somewhat local, which is far far better than anything I could buy. I am baking all the bread we eat, and also making things like cinnamon rolls, bagels, cookies, etc. I only have whole wheat flour in my pantry and use sourdough (long fermentation periods or levains even for cookies). I'm a kind of beginner... like half a year here... and a single mom whose partner provides no help, so I really am mostly striving for healthy delicious and edible. I'm still working to develop the skill and experience to 'scale up', but I might go through 1/2 to an entire standard 5lb bag of flour during a monthly bake (up to 4 sandwich loaves, and sometimes also do other things like tortilla/naan/flatbread/pancake/pie dough on the side at the same time). Just some context.

Here are my questions:

1. How long is it going to take to mill the equivalent of a 5lb bag of flour? I know we are trading time and convenience for better health and saved money, and I'm willing to make that tradeoff... but only to an extent. We are really 'buy in bulk', 'make in bulk', freeze for later type people in MOST of what we do, and I just want to get a sense of what home milling would look like in terms of a time commitment.

2. How do I increase hydration? I'm sure that's a dumb question to many, but do I use less flour and keep the rest the same? Use more "liquid" and keep the rest the same? What if the "liquid" is complicated -- sometimes it's less 'water' or 'milk' and more butter/eggs/pumpkin/etc based. Truthfully I've heard you're supposed to do this when baking with whole wheat rather than AP or bread, but frankly, I've never really adjusted anything and it's been great.

3. How do I evaluate home mills? Do I have to spend a lot? In the context of wanting to bake in bulk and not spend an hour milling (I have no idea what that range actually looks like!), how much difference is there between cheaper and more expensive models? Are used ones 'safe' if I find any? A lot of them look super super expensive.

Apologies if this isn't welcome here. I'm not entirely sure this 'counts' as homeschooling, and frankly we will likely be doing a co-op preschool 2-3 days a week for a couple hours either this year or next. I feel like preschool is optional, so again, it might be a stretch to call it homeschooling? We're undecided on what we'll do long-term as there are many barriers, and frankly, community and real friendship opportunities aren't something I've been good at giving my little one in spite of my efforts, which I think a school will do better at providing.

Specifically though, I have some questions if anyone is willing to help!

1. Reading. He just turned 3, so my expectations are low. I was hoping to teach the letter sound rather than name and follow a phonics based approach. I learned to read early as a child at 3 or 4 and was reading advanced books early on. I bought some alphabet puzzle type cards (letter with an animal) and he has been OBSESSED ever since! Took him less than a week to associate letters... with the animals, not the sound... but has become so so so excited to find letters absolutely everywhere, from backpack logos to adult picture-less books. I did repeat "letter __ sound" etc in addition to the animals, but understandably animals make more sense and are more exciting. It was also good vocabulary for him to learn and practice verbal speech wise. I think this is a win as a pre-reading skill, but now that he's mastered this he has kind of lost interest in the puzzle cards. I am wondering what my next steps are for literacy at the toddler / early preschool level? I've seen the whole "multiple pictures of animals/food/etc and match it to a letter" thing, but want to make sure this is the right path as sadly I also know there's been a push against phonics and towards sight words (no thank you). I have an idea of how to teach a slightly older/more advanced preschooler/kindergartner (sounds, sound groupings, etc), but am not sure about the in between stage here. Any recommended books, textbooks, podcasts, or short form advice appreciated here! I think he is probably fine, but just want to make sure I am challenging him and taking him down the right path. He loves learning and being challenged, which is great! He is also obsessed with books, which is amazing, and has been more focused on verbal speech advancement (not delayed there, but sort of just barely meeting milestones speech wise). We are also doing Montessori style learning since birth, which emphasizes teaching the sounds of letters and being child-led.
2. Numeracy. Again, any resources appreciated here for early childhood development and what to expect / how to lead him appropriately would be appreciated! I have heard loose ideas on how it's more important for them to develop a sense of 'more' and 'less' and 'equal' and of connecting counting to the actual act of it... rather than any sort of number or number recognition. I've tried to implement that, and he did for a while say numbers (not always the right order, though he became obsessed with this at 2 for a while) as actively counting things as a game. He also at around 2 became super into "empty" (zero lol), making things empty, making things not empty (negation) by adding/subtracting (actively removing/putting food back on a plate, using words to communicate, etc). We also just got a cute preschool style scale today he's been super super into, and while I'm limiting it to just the toys for now, it has weighted numbers and some other learning materials. I guess I am not sure if I am missing activities/language we should be doing, and at what point I should start emphasizing learning the written number more.
3. We're bilingual, though one of the languages we did kind of mess up and he's behind in that one. He's very excitedly catching up and devoting himself to it. Both use largely the same Latin based alphabet, and that other language is going to be far simpler than English (I would expect) to read in as it's phonetic with few exceptions, but any additional thoughts for managing teaching reading in two separate languages would also be appreciated!

I think those are my main questions. He is very physically active and advanced (why is he doing front rolls and handstand variations I didn't even teach him lol), we have train tracks and blocks and vehicles and ramps and puzzles, we have a TON of art and creative expression he can pick up (paint, crayons, colored pencils, whiteboards, safe scissors, gluesticks, perler beads and structured pegboards he loves, regular beads), I use language to teach during play and nature walks (colors, numbers sometimes lol, various vocabulary). We live in a city, so there's tons of "socializing" in free indoor toy play spaces, library events, just getting around to anywhere, farm / planting volunteer days, etc. At home we've also followed Montessori, so he has tons of opportunities to help or do whatever around the house and we have physical outlets for him to hang/swing/jump/run on, too. His imagination and storytelling has begun to really explode this month, too, which is amazing.

I've read various Montessori and preschool books, which he's excelled at, but also tend to be more activity based, art based, or are things he's already mastered. He's the type of kid who will obsess over puzzles until he's mastered it, then lose interest until I come out with the next variation/step up, and it can be hard to stay on top of having those next progressions properly selected and ready!

The main thing we're really missing and would be hoping to find at a school is a core group of kids (and parents!) we like/trust that he can become friends with over time. But I also want to make sure I am staying on top of providing good literacy opportunities/teaching in the right method, if only for the summer, and also for the year as he'll primarily be with me regardless.

I feel so silly for asking this, but better late than never? We have indeed "painted" before, but it's been with a very cheap set, the paints are completely black/mixed within themselves, and I feel like it doesn't really work. We just put down newspaper type material, paper on one side, and the paint/paintbrush/bit of water within the paint cover on the other side. He has never really been into it--and we have a ton of other art supply stuff--but has been getting a little more into it recently! I'd like to go out and buy more paint cylinder type stuff. Maybe even a little easel for him to work at.

I'm at a loss, though, for how to set this up -- in particular, how to set it up such as to ease cleanup (indoors) and minimize waste and efficiency (since he won't last long). I don't really understand what to even put something like water into to wet the brush/rinse it (a normal glass drinking cup wouldn't be safe), or how to make sure it stays contained within the area, or how to / where to mix colors (without buying a new thing to mix colors onto every time), and so on. I, clearly, don't really paint, but I remember studio type settings having special 'items' for all these things, and they weren't the type of thing you just reuse every single day nor that would sustain a toddler / preschooler using them.

Mine is now old enough that he's fairly mature, and fairly tidy, and we have a table dedicated to art where I don't much care if a little of anything gets anywhere. Just not sure what I need to buy or use to set this up in an efficient/sustainable manner.

I used to have a decently good source--Hispanic market with a sort of "hidden" box of discounted bananas that were going to rot the next day, significantly marked down--but they've since transferred ownership. They were cheap, perfect, and even convenient. The 'big' supermarkets like Safeway, Whole Foods, TJ's even have bananas that are green or yellow at best. Some small markets sometimes have bananas, but they usually aren't yet ripe or are in smaller quantities.

They tend to rot without ever actually ripening when I try to get them to ripen at home--yes, I've tried. I've tried having them on my counter, having them in a paper bag, in a cupboard, etc. And there's also the factor of having the time and energy on the precise day it finally (if ever) ripens.

I'd also take frozen bananas, but they'd have to be at a cheap/decent price and would have had to have been frozen when actually ripe (speckled, or like the last day before they go bad). I don't need them pre-sliced or anything, just peeled. To be honest, I'm not sure why bananas aren't picked ripe from the tree and immediately frozen, and the same goes for all fruit really, but that's a whole other tangent. We used to just be able to get them straight from the tree, and also had a bulk grocery style store (no membership fees) that always sold them ripe in massive quantities/boxes. We use them in smoothies as a cheap easy good delicious source.

I know you can keep checking into the smaller markets and eventually get lucky, but I'm looking for one consistent easy trip every couple months to haul bananas back to fill up my freezer, so I don't have to manage this process every week. Anyone have any recommendations that are consistently good for this?

Look, I've googled this and have tried 5+ different types. None of them fit what I need.

My use case is this:

- I have a large number of people I need to respond to. Their numbers/names are not saved.

- I want to quickly write a short message in, and schedule it to send at a socially acceptable time.

- I'm not keeping my laptop open or phone unlocked at the time I need to send it (who are these sad people calling themselves software/mobile engineers?)

- I don't really care if it's a little late, or early. Nothing is recurring. Just one unique message to each person.

Basically, I want something like Telegram's version or gmail's schedule send. Most of my free time to use on a screen comes "too late" to text people back, especially people I don't really know yet. This is really primarily for the people I don't yet really know and aren't yet in my contacts / I'm not yet ready to save their contact. Looking to make this as easy as possible on myself. Seems like it doesn't really exist, but I'd love to be wrong. Right now I am just never responding to people.

I'm asking about the ideal, from a "we're together 24/7", out of every other waking second/moment. Say your 3 year old sleeps 9-10 hours, this is still 13-14 hours every day together. From a "stay sane" perspective, I definitely need time alone -- just trying to figure out the "ideal" balance here.

By "independent" time, I'm talking about things like a dedicated 30-60 minute block of "quiet time", or maybe me (mom) doing something I need to do that's on a laptop or book/paper and pen--where we can be in the same room, I can check in with him, I'm there if needed, I can occasionally comment on things, but my focus is NOT on him.

Outside of this time, we spend a LOT of time outdoors, both kind of 'alone' on trails as well as at playgrounds, watching ducks at the pond, with other children (he still mostly wants me to play with him). We spend time indoors with toys or reading parallel play style with other children at libraries or places to play. He helps (or is invited to help) with all chores and comes along on errands (where he is similarly helping). We eat our meals and snacks together at the table or picnic style outdoors. I also do things "for me", like a short conditioning or dance session, that he plays with me and joins in with, and I'll work my own conditioning sets into his playground time as time allows. I feel really good about all this and it's mutually enjoyable.

The time remaining... he has toys at home, of course, and loves them, along with books. He has physical outlets (hanging from bars, from rings, climbing a Pikler, mats and space to run), creative/art outlets (whole art shelf he can reach and a table... crayons, colored pencils, markers, 2-3yo scissors, mache to rip, gluesticks, paper to cut, stamps, etc), books, vehicles, car ramps, train tracks, animals, etc. There are times where he definitely wants me to read to him or play with him--which I know, because he asks me to join in. I'm really intentional with language during these times, so although it's child-led time, my observations or way of interacting is being used to teach colors, counting, letter sounds, and so on. I think this is valuable time for teaching, and he picks things up SUPER quickly and gets really excited for it. I also, being honest, find it emotionally exhausting after only so long, especially after an otherwise long day (single mom, nobody else is giving me any time alone, though I really, deeply enjoy our days together!).

I'm wondering, with all that context:

- is it okay to let him play/read independently if he's happy with it? I feel like this is part of being child-led, but also feel like it's such valuable time to teach language and so on. How much time alone like this is okay?

- is there some sort of ideal balance between time playing independently each day? Most people seem to recommend just 30-60 minutes of quiet time or so, but with 13-14 hours in a day that he's awake (or more lately...), it feels like quite a bit still, for me at least. The time alone at home on play is probably the hardest for me personality wise, compared to the outings, but it also tends to be the richest language-learning-wise, and I don't want to waste that.

- is it okay to let him read alone? Is there a max time or balance to this? Sorry if this is a silly question. We read together daily--at the library, on the potty, sporadically throughout the day he'll invite me to read to him, and I always take him up on it! Sometimes though he will just read alone to himself. I feel both that I am interrupting sometimes, but also that it's a wasted opportunity not to add onto the language he already knows. He always has control of the book, how fast we're reading, and so on -- I'll just add a word or repeat what he's said. He isn't behind on speech milestones, but almost fell behind at some point, and is sort of just barely meeting them, so I do feel some pressure to make the most of these times. I don't want to go over the line and annoy him, though, and want to be wary of what the "ideal" is here that we're striving for.

I also thought about how at a preschool... it isn't one teacher per child interacting constantly with them, and even the more conservative ones are 2-3 hours per day, which is more than the amount of quiet or independent play time he's currently getting. This makes me question whether I can kind of back off and relax and take more time to myself at this older age as he becomes more and more independent.