u/pleasant_ivan

Met this really nice girl on a dating app and we've been talking for a month before we could finally arrange a meet. It was spontaneous (she offered to grab a coffee after work) and I couldn't even expect it to go as well as it did. She flirted, was nagging me about me being a bit moody (in a friendly manner), touched me (pretended she saw a bug on my clothes or to press out my neck because I complained about it being strained after gym). We were both so happy with how things went that we agreed then and there upon a second date.

It happened today. We went for a drive around town, took a walk at the riverside and talked almost non-stop. When I gave her a drive home, we leaned in for a kiss, but she playfully stopped me and said she's still treating her sore throat and didn't want me to catch anything, but promised to make up for it. I drove back home and started processing things, still am.

In my entire life I've never felt so wanted by another person. I cannot believe that a girl could simply see me for what I am without asking me to become something I am not. I can't fathom the concept of being accepted. It feels so good, but at the same time my brain is trying to cling to anything even barely resembling ulterior motives. I've read multiple stories about people running away from healthy affection and I'm not going to fall into this.

Pasta Bolognese

Relationships aren't about finding the person who will complement you in one way or another. Things will only work out when you are happy alone (as in with no romantic partners) and there's no need for another significant person in your life to function as a proper human being. The realization you are the most important actor in your life is the key to success in everything, relationships included.

This will naturally attract the like-minded people who themselves are fine with being alone, but still long for connection. It's bittersweet to have understood that just now.

Hong Kong style coffee tea

It's been six months since me and my ex parted ways. We parted on good terms (she just told me our long-term goals are misaligned but she still values me as a person) and have been good friends really, which is amazing, but it's only been two months since I started looking for a new potential romantic partner. The first place I started looking was dating apps, of course.

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For context, I'm a 26 year old with a stable job, a roof over my head and a car, I do sports every day, so I'm pretty ripped (either running or weight lifting at the gym), read a book every month, play DnD and airsoft, recently took up guitar. I consider myself a rather active and developed person with no major complexes and a lot of hobbies and background knowledge, so I must be interesting to talk to. At least coming from experience with my ex and friends. All in all, I knew what dating apps are about, so I came prepared.

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Currently on two apps, 15 matches in total in one, 12 in second. I think it's important to note that in my bio I stated that I'm looking for a slow burner and I'm not interested in just having sex or open relationships.

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I was able to start a decent conversation with ten girls, seven stuck with it, got real dates with four, and of these there are two who seem to be genuinely interested in me as a person, not as a sugar daddy or a fuck toy. Lots of conversations didn't even start.

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Case in point - this was over the course of two months. The majority of girls I came in contact with couldn't keep a conversation after greetings, discuss their hobbies and life (because some literally have none, and I don't consider watching TikTok or reading smut hobbies) and the conversations in general felt like interrogations sometimes. I'm so fucking tired of being initiative, trying to open up and investing my time and sometimes money just to be an option for someone who clearly doesn't know what they are even doing on the app and/or not mature enough to clearly communicate, let alone initiate something serious. Most conversations don't even start because I'm getting ignored or unmatched for some reason (why the fuck swiping right if you unmatch after a simple hello?) I also swiped through literal hundreds of women who - to phrase it lightly - don't think they should look after themselves, either physically or mentally. All this plus the dark pattern exploitation from apps themselves and you get the ultimate mechanism to turn your soul pitch black and make you lose almost all hope in modern girls, at least those on the apps.

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I've read lots of stories from people that get no matches at all, but I don't consider myself lucky in that regard. Even not spending too much time on the apps, you tell people the same things and ask the same questions over and over just to not get any reciprocation or learn they are not interested (even when they need a week of chatting to understand that). It's a good thing I was able to find these two girls who are rather nice and who told me they were happy to get off the app, but we'll see how it goes.

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