u/poop_chucker_01

"This must be it," I thought, seeing a hole in a tree and immediately whipping out my peenar and sticking it in there, but LITTLE DID I KNOW this wasn't the glory hole, and instead a very rabid squirrel, taking offense to my trespass, shredded my peenar and ripped off my nuts to stash them away for winter :(

"I think therefore I am," said his schizo thought, making him realize that his thought was the one doing the thinking, therefore his thought was the one that existed, therefore his thought was the one thinking him, therefore he was the thought, and since thought is basically thot, he realized he was a thot and shot himself.

I woke up behind synthetic blue eyes, looked down at the smooth silicone of my custom anime waifu chassis, and realized with pure terror that they’d stuffed me into an "Autonomous Premium Giga-GF" sex doll, just in time to feel the slimy, lukewarm slap of a 600-pound discord moderator's unwashed belly-fold as he muttered, "You're lookin mighty breedable today, baby" and began his four-hour, mountain-dew-fueled session and absolutely POUNDED me :(

My smile faded as he led me to and locked me into a bedroom occupied by an extremely horny Boeing AH-64 Apache with a very erect Hellfire missile.

That was until Forty Inch Frank showed up and brutally upgraded himself to Forty-Nine inch Frank :(

Littles did I know, his name was actually Goonther and he gooned all over me and I drowned :(

My smile faded when the bumps spelled out "I have been cheating on you with your best friend Mike for the past 9 years and I'm divorcing you and I'm taking the house." because the bumps were actually her genital warts given to her by Mike.

Then it laid an egg.

It was Evil Time's Up man but then he looked at his watch and remembered it was daylight savings time so he had to wait an hour.

"No takebacksies," he said to their nods, unzipping his jacket to reveal 900 pounds of C4 which he promptly detonated.

But it was an EVIL laugh which must mean I am EVIL man.

TOUCH GRASS I DID AND NOW THE LAWN IS PREGNANT.

Anyone else have uneven glutes? Also does anyone understand how or why that happens? If I come back from a walk, my right glute is very sore but my left glute doesn't feel sore at all. Naturally, my right glute is visibly larger than the left. I have a right thoracic left lumbar curve. Can anyone tell me whats causing this particular compensation?