u/porkiechops

Growing up, my mom never taught me proper grooming or hygiene. She would always tell me and my sister that makeup was for insecure people and that natural beauty was best.

It didn’t help that we were poor. My mom would let us wear whatever oversized T-shirts we had and poorly fitting jeans. I was stick thin back then, so ang pangit talaga ng fit sa akin.

Even bras were discouraged. According to my mom, bras were only meant to make your chest look bigger. I think it had something to do with how she was raised. Back in her school days, girls who wore bras would get punished.

My mom always told us we were pretty, but I thought she was just being biased, so I never really believed her. I was very insecure when I was younger.

I was never a heartthrob in school, although a few guys noticed me, probably because of my good grades. But I would avoid them because I thought they would lose interest once they saw me up close. To make things worse, I struggled with acne for years.

My mom kept insisting my acne was caused by my bangs, so she made me wear a headband in a way that somehow made me feel even less attractive 😂

My mom also saw femininity as kaartehan. She never cared much about appearance and would always say that my dad chose her because she was “natural.” I honestly thought she was just lucky.😅

Ironically, it was my dad who helped us more with things like presentation. He would sometimes brush our hair and was actually good at it since he grew up with many sisters. He even taught us how to sit properly, something our mom never taught us.

Years later, my dad quit his job and started his own business, and life slowly got better. When faster internet became available, I started researching proper grooming, skincare, and fashion on my own.

Then pandemic happened. I gained weight and started looking like a burrito in my old clothes 😂 That was when I started working out. Clothes began fitting me better. In my late 30s, I actually started feeling the sexiest I had ever felt. Around that time, I also found a good dermatologist, and my acne finally started clearing up.

One time, I ran into a friend’s mom and chatted with her for a bit. Before leaving, she suddenly told me:

“Alam mo, blooming ka. Gumanda ka talaga.”

I was honestly shocked, and of course, very happy.

It made me realize that no matter your age, there’s still hope to become the version of yourself you want to be. Sometimes, you’re not “ugly." You just haven’t learned what works for you yet, or you simply haven’t had the chance to take care of yourself.

I’m still a work in progress. I still don't know much about fashion and makeup, but I’m genuinely happy with how much I’ve improved not just physically, but also in confidence.

I just want to add that this isn’t me blaming my mom. She loved us, sacrificed a lot for our family, and genuinely believed naturalness was best. She grew up in a different generation with different beliefs, and I know she meant well. She also has naturally beautiful skin, something I did not inherit.😢 This is simply me reflecting on how those experiences shaped my confidence and relationship with femininity.

TL;DR I grew up being insecure because no one taught me proper grooming and hygiene and I suffered from acne. I started taking care of myself and glowed up in my 30s.

After years of hesitation, I finally joined an FB singles group. Tumatanda na kasi ako and NBSB pa rin, so I thought… maybe it’s worth a shot. 😅

This one guy messaged me. Hindi lang “hi,” medyo mahaba yung message and he sounded sincere. We also had mutual friends, so I thought baka safe naman siya.

Day 2 pa lang, may “good morning,” “good afternoon,” and “good night” na agad. We talked a bit. Mabait naman siya, pero hindi ko talaga type. Hindi ako makatulog that night because I didn’t want to lead him on. So I told him honestly na feeling ko hindi kami magwowork romantically, but we could stay friends if he wanted. He respectfully accepted.

Or so I thought. 😅

After a few weeks, nagmessage ulit siya, nangangamusta. Then he asked, “Mahaba pa ba pila?” referring to my suitors. Natawa ako kaya sabi ko wala namang pila. After that, parang bumalik yung consistent messaging. Good mornings, updates about his day, business trips, whereabouts. Very BF vibes. As an NBSB with zero dating experience, nalilito ako kung normal ba ‘to or hindi.

One day, he asked if he could visit me at work. May iaabot lang daw siyang food na niluto niya. Mainit pa raw and on the way na siya. 😭 I panicked. Hindi ako makatanggi because nageffort siya and I felt pressured to say yes kahit uncomfortable ako.

When he showed up… mas lalo akong na-confuse. 😭 Hindi ko talaga siya type physically and parang ayaw pa niyang umalis. He kept staring at me habang nagtatrabaho ako and I felt sooo uncomfortable. Minutes after he left, nagtext siya:

“Ang pretty mo pala.”

We kept talking for months because in my head, friends lang naman kami, right? Yan naman yung agreement namin.

But honestly, parang walang substance yung usapan namin. I’d try to start topics pero hindi talaga nagcclick. He rarely asked about my interests, thoughts, hobbies, anything. Instead, parang ang focus niya was the idea of me.

He’d ask things like:

“Jealous type ka ba?”

“Clingy ka ba?”

“Anong niluto mo?” (I couldn't cook that time and he knew it.)

Parang iniimagine niya ako as future clingy wife/girlfriend na nagluluto for him. 😭

From time to time, he’d ask when kami lalabas. Napepressure ako. Around my birthday, nagshow up ulit siya sa workplace ko after short notice. May dala na namang gifts. Tapos after he left… bumalik ulit siya para magbigay ng food na binili nearby. 😭

Months later, he invited me to an event at his alma mater. Kinukulit na rin niya akong makipagkita, so I said free ako but not confirmed. Part of me thought maybe I should give him (and myself) a chance. Baka after spending time together, mafigure out ko if I could actually like him.

Pero to be honest, nakakapressure na yung gifts. I felt like I owed him my time because he kept spending money on me. Looking back, I realized I didn’t know how to set boundaries. NBSB eh. 😅

Life got busy and eventually I declined the event. He panicked and asked why. At this point, medyo nainis na ako because “no” should already be an answer. Instead, gusto pa niyang mag-meet kami ibang araw, kahit mall lang daw or somewhere else.

So I finally confronted him.

Sabi ko, hindi naman kami pero bakit parang girlfriend na yung treatment niya sakin?

He denied seeing me as a girlfriend pero admitted he wanted me to be his girlfriend. 😭 He also said he just likes giving gifts to people he likes and expects nothing in return. Then he asked if we could still be “very close friends.”

That’s when I finally set a boundary.

Sabi ko hindi pwede.

Plot twist: relative pala siya ng family friend namin. 😭 For a while parang nagtampo samin yung family friend after I rejected him. Friends pa rin kami nung guy sa FB because I don’t want drama, pero lagi niyang vineview stories ko so eventually I hid them from him.

Looking back, I think what bothered me most wasn’t even the gifts or pagiging persistent niya. It was realizing na parang he liked the idea of me more than actually getting to know me. And as an NBSB, sobrang nalito ako before kung normal ba ‘to or if I was just uncomfortable for a reason. 😅 Anyway, sharing this because minsan pala kahit mabait yung tao, pwede ka pa ring ma-uncomfortable, and okay lang pala magset ng boundary.

SKL.

It was Valentine’s Day. A former friend got mad at me over something trivial due to a misunderstanding. Class hadn’t started yet, and I was so upset that I left the room to cool off.

When I came back, a couple of classmates were waiting for me outside. They said, “Kanina ka pa namin hinihintay!” then dragged me into the classroom and sat me on a chair in the front row.

Standing in front of me was an elite college choir. One of the singers was an acquaintance, and he looked at me and said, “Ay ikaw pala!”

Then they started singing love songs 😭

My female classmates were all giggling and super kilig while I sat there blushing the entire time.

After that, no one ever came forward. One of my biggest college mysteries: who hired an elite choir to serenade me on Valentine’s Day? 😭 It’s been more than a decade, but it has always remained one of my fondest college memories.

College was so much fun.

Edit: a sentence

Medyo mahaba ito but I just want to get this off my chest.

I have a friend whom I used to be close with. Apat kaming magkakaibigan, including my sister. We had a group chat and used to talk every day, pero as time passed, tumahimik na yung GC. I think it started when one mutual friend got married, then eventually my sister too.

I still talk to our mutual friend from time to time, pero hindi na kami close nitong friend na tinutukoy ko. To be honest, hindi ko rin kasi masyadong gusto ugali niya. Masyado siyang bitter and mabilis mairita. Since kaming dalawa na lang ang single noon, parang naiinggit siya kapag may nirereto sa akin na guy. One time she even told me na pag umabot ako sa age niya, wala nang magse-set up sa akin with guys (she’s 4 years older than me).

May time din na sinabi ko na may ipapakilala sa akin na guy, tapos nagalit siya and said dapat sa kanya ipakilala kasi ka-age niya yung guy. Which I found ridiculous kasi hindi naman siya kilala nung nagrereto. Bihira na rin kami mag-usap eventually, but whenever we talked, lagi niyang tinatanong kung may boyfriend na ako. Without fail. I would ask her back, until nagsawa na ako and siya na lang lagi nagtatanong.

A couple of years ago, she suddenly sent her wedding invitation sa group chat. We were all shocked because none of us even knew she was dating. Of course nagtanong kami paano sila nagkakilala, etc., pero ang tipid niya sumagot. Ganun talaga siya, very short replies.

Anyway, first time namin makita husband niya was at the wedding. He was already in his 50s while my friend is in her 40s. First impression ko sa husband niya was medyo childish and parang kulang sa social skills. But regardless, I was genuinely happy for her. Nakuha na niya yung gusto niya. She had mentioned many times before na ayaw niyang tumandang dalaga.

Fast forward to last month, the husband suddenly added me on Facebook and even messaged me to add him back. It felt off to me, parang urgent or big deal sa kanya na i-add ko siya, even though we barely knew each other and didn’t even talk at the wedding.

At first, I thought maybe may kinalaman sa upcoming birthday ng wife niya, so after a few weeks, I accepted his request.

The same day I accepted, nag-message siya: “Hi [my name], can I call you?” Hindi ko pa nababasa message niya pero tumawag na agad siya.

Honestly, akala ko ito na yung totoong reason bakit niya ako in-add, baka may birthday surprise siya for my friend. So I answered.

Tinanong ko bakit siya tumawag. Sabi niya, wala lang, nangungumusta lang. We ended up talking but sobrang awkward ng conversation. Random topics lang. One thing I remember is he mentioned na wala pa rin silang anak and nahihirapan silang mag-conceive. Tinanong ko kung nasaan wife niya, sabi niya nasa taas daw and busy.

Eventually sinabi ko na lang na pakikumusta wife niya and we ended the call.

Then maybe 15 minutes later… tumawag ulit.

At this point akala ko sasabihin na niya totoong pakay niya, so I answered again. Pero wala, random kwentuhan ulit. Binanggit na naman niya yung hirap silang mag-conceive, then tinanong marital status ko, bakit daw ayoko magpakasal (I lied and said I didn’t want to, when actually gusto ko naman, wala lang talaga akong nami-meet). He also asked about our other friends, parang nagsu-survey. Mentioned din na in-add niya yung mutual friend namin sa FB.

Looking back, I probably shouldn’t have entertained those personal questions. I let my guard down because he was my friend’s husband.

After that call, hindi ko pa rin gets ano motibo niya. Nao-off na talaga ako, so I decided not to answer future calls. Pero akala ko titigil na siya.

One week later, tumawag na naman. I didn’t answer and just messaged saying sorry, busy ako. Then he replied saying in-add niya rin sister ko sa FB. (I already told my sister not to add him.)

A few days later, tawag na naman nang tawag. Eventually nag-message ako and said, “Sorry, I can’t answer. Just message me kung anong kailangan mo.”

May tinanong siyang sobrang random, then when I replied, nag-introduce na naman siya ng another topic, parang gusto lang pahabain yung conversation.

Dito na talaga ako na-creep out.

I took screenshots of our chats and blocked him.

Then last night, he added me on IG.

Blocked him again.

I’ve been telling our mutual friend about what happened. Apparently, tumawag din siya sa mutual friend namin but she didn’t answer because I had already warned her. Gusto ng mutual friend ko na sabihin ko sa wife niya, but for now wala akong balak. Birthday niya kasi and ayoko ng gulo. Also, knowing our history, baka ako pa masisi. Wala rin naman explicit flirting or threats from him.

TL;DR: Friend’s husband suddenly added me on FB, kept calling me for random conversations, asked personal questions, tried to prolong contact, then added me on IG after I blocked him. Am I overreacting for finding this creepy?