u/powelljackd3

Yeah so earlier I put a post up about a BPD female friend that I was cautious of.

She recently told me she "loves me. always have" . Apparently she was just fucked on pregabs which I already knew.

Called me bro on phone. put me back into the friendzone.

Invited me to a pagan meetup on Saturday and that I could go back to hers. Might skip it, she just wants me to be her tag-a-long friend anyway.

Starting gossiping to me about a female friend she fell out with because she decided to sleep with this friend's ex boyfriend.

Told me my new Facebook profile picture is gay. Brilliant thanks for that.

Trauma dumped on me about how she's depressed and wants to kill herself.

Told me people keep pestering her asking if she's OK, including me. Told her "well I just stop then" told me "umm i dont know".

My phone cut out during this call, so I messaged her back on Facebook and tried to call her back. Ignored. Guess she got all the validation she needed.

I guess I can safely put this one to bed, it's over.

Silly me thought she had feelings for me, since yeah I kind of like her really. But I think it's done now.

Rant I know, but I'm both pissed off and relieved at the same time.

So when I use the terminal to update my packages I usually select Yes to remove the dependencies.

Now I've been doing this for a while now, not really knowing what I'm doing (still new to Arch).

Should I be concerned about this? Have I broken a load of stuff without realising?

A couple of weeks after losing my beloved dog to a heart attack I adopted this "closing the book" mentality, I call it this because I don't know what else to call it.

But I basically have no issue with losing out on someone. If someone moves out, does something else with their life, if the conversation isn't there anymore, I just "close the book". I've read the chapters, got to the end and closed the book.

Even if it's people I'm fond of and have tried to contact me several times, I make no effort to engage with them. It's not because I hate them, but to me the story's over. There's nothing else to say, nothing else to do, it's over.

And it's not like I don't miss these people, I very much do, but.. it's over.

Now this is weird to me because people not contacting me, especially people I'm very close to would make me anxious and would send me in a panic over the idea of losing them, but now.. I don't care.

I don't know if it's because of had constant losses in my life, with the death of my dog being the catalyst to switch everything off, or if this is some kind of maturing thing, or a depression thing or what. No idea. But it does feel like some part of me is now dialled down or just turned off.

A good example is a close female friend I had, and to a degree had feelings for. She moved out of mine, got her own place, started putting her life together, and I just closed the book. Probably mean and horrible of me, but it's over now. I served my purpose, did my role, sheltered her, had lots of fun and laughs together, we even have a few sweet photos together. But that's it now, we're living separate lives.

So my question to you dudes is.. what is this? On one hand it feels freeing and relaxing, on another hand it feels cruel and not human.