u/psychedonist

Salam. M27 here. Let me be clear: this isn't a rant but rather a culmination of my experiences and the realizations I've had over the past couple of years.

I come from an upper-middle-class family. I'm well educated and have a stable job. Growing up, my family faced financial difficulties, so I didn't have the typical happy childhood. During those years, Allah was my only refuge. My family is devout and quite orthodox. My mother taught me to avoid interacting with non-mahram women and to always lower my gaze.

Although I studied in liberal institutions, I stayed true to my faith. I focused on my academics and career and never got into a relationship or even texted women casually. I'd say I'm around a 7/10 in terms of looks, and I have good social skills. I've had temptations and opportunities, but I never acted on them because I wanted to do things the halal way.

For the past two years, my family has been looking for arranged marriage matches. That experience has taught me a lot, but not in the way I expected. The number of rejections has been so high that it's slowly eroding my confidence, despite everything I've worked and sacrificed for. The expectations seem incredibly high, and I'm gradually losing hope.

A couple of months ago, I was almost engaged to someone. We spoke for about a month, but things eventually fell through. That experience made me question a lot of things. It often feels like attraction is driven more by superficial qualities than by someone's character or values. I don't think it's entirely a "me" problem because I generally get along well with people and am well liked in both my personal and professional circles.

Lately, I've been questioning the reality of it all, and even my beliefs have started to waver. It feels like being moral, disciplined, and faithful hasn't gotten me anywhere. Meanwhile, I see friends around me who dated, had relationships, and lived completely different lifestyles finding partners much more easily than I am. I've decided to stop pursuing a partner and focus on myself, I have no energy to keep up with this cycle.

27M

My parents are trying to get me married through the arranged marriage route, and it feels like I’m being pushed into something I’m not fully ready for. At the same time, my job has become increasingly stressful with AI adoption and layoffs, which adds a layer of pressure to perform and keep my job secure.

Personally, I don’t feel like I’ve fully figured out the kind of life I want to lead yet. I’ve grown up in a conservative environment, but I’ve always been more rebellious and open-minded, and I don’t want to make decisions purely based on societal/cultural expectations.

I’m also struggling to find someone I genuinely connect with for some time now. The whole process of meeting people, getting to know them, and then realizing they’re not the right fit is exhausting and demoralizing. It starts to feel repetitive and draining over time. I haven't spoken to anyone from an AM setting yet.

On top of that, there’s this constant, unspoken pressure—like an invisible clock ticking. People keep asking why I’m not married yet, whether I’m in love, or if something is wrong. Seeing friends/relatives get married and settle down adds to that pressure, even though I personally don’t feel the need to rush into a marriage.

Overall, it feels like I’m being pulled in different directions and I can't catch a fucking break😭 does anybody relate? How are you dealing with it? People who've been through this already, what did you learn from your experience?