u/psychiatricpatien

Uwah ive been on zoloft/ sertraline 25mg for 20 days so far and I dont feel numb or like a zombie like I had hoped i would because im too emotional. Though I cant tell if it helping or not i think it has helped a little with racing thoughts. But I dk if im weird but I am live with very volatile people who stress me out even when im on anxiety med and this and I Just want to know when I will or if i will stop being so heavily impact by things still. I just wanna feel OK And content. I think i need to raise my dose but I dont see docotr for 9 more days. Idk. I just wanna be numb to be Honest, for the time being. I have no love in my life so I wouldnt care if I wouldnt be able to feel that strongly because nobody love me and I have no one I can love and am disabled. Idk. Jusr all around negative. Most of the time. But anywya when will zoloft make me numb? :T

was calling my local social security office and i was finally able to get on the phone with someone from there, and im trans ftm and my voice is deep and look like a bov and he was calling me sir but my name is a female name and so he didnt believe me and said "I dont believe you are who you say you are" and abruptly hung up" since I am also autistic my dad told me i talked robotic and that that also was a reason why the guy was apprehensive of me. It hurt my feelings really badly and makes me feel humiliated and embarassed and im also being denied help that I need because I am disabled and have autism level 2 and wouldnt be able to work. Idk what to do. Other than to call back or schedule an appointment to go in person which is what I was trying to do on the phone. Im really just embarassed and upset and hurt. I guess the only other option I have is to get my dad to speak for me even though i wanted to do it myself. Idk. Its a combination of being discriminated against both for my gender and for how I talked but idk how to feel bc i know he probably had a good reason but I feel awful . My question is what should I do? Like do I have no other option but to get my family member to speak for me?

People on reddit said that that was me self diagnosing when I said that in a comment. Even though a psychologist asked me the same shit and literallh ask me if i thought I have it and then said "thats a really long time to go thinking you have autism" (paraphrased) even though I was formally diagnosed at 19 with level 2 autism a couple of weeks ago and then I was banned from the subreddit that I was posting on, thats so stupid to me i didnt even say i was self diagnosed I just said I knew since I was 11 and thus why I sought out a diagnosis since im 19 and an adult now and can speak for myself and not be as ashamed and embarass and scared as I was as a child. When I was younger I thought aspergers but since ive been growing up my level is probably 2 because all the adult responsibilities trying to be put on me. I d k

But anyway I Am Hoping to be able to get an apartment as soon as possible and move away from my volatile enviornment, and also go to Occupational therapy Maybe. I d k but I live in an area where there are some places you can live if ur disabled and i am because i have autism level 2 and anxiety and depression. I jhst dont get why they jumped on me and banned me for something like that but the fakeclaiming is so nasty to me and I did not go to a place where they hand out diagnoseses either I went in real life to the nearest place that my psychiatrist who thougjt I had autism since first 15 min meeting referred me to. That person really annoyed me (the person who insinuated i was someone who would even have the fucking means to spend a whole bunch of money out of pocket for an online evaluation) when im sure my insurance wouldnt even cover something like that. Annoying. Ik people on reddit are like this but the snarky undertone gets under my skin so badly and people assuming they know everything from a post...

I think its helping???? Its hard to tell because about the time I stop taking it I feel it all coming back, which, is, thoughts like :

"My life is over im already dead its over im dying im trapped im dying dead dying going to die here suffocating cannot breathe everyone is out to get me everyone is trying to hurt me.!"

To:

"Uhhhhhhh facsimile of hope and joy ....?? " but then switching to angry again quickly, and for the first time in 7 years I got so mad I had to put my hands on someone physically.

And it calms down my urges to text people spam them,,, so i guess it had helped impulsivity!?

And, I hadnt cried in months and I did now, so....

Does it get better from here? Im diagnosed with anxiety and depression. And also my living situation is awful, , but im hoping it will help. I need to take my dose right now folks. Id love to chat with someone.

I think its helping???? Its hard to tell because about the time I stop taking it I feel it all coming back, which, is, thoughts like :

"My life is over im already dead its over im dying im trapped im dying dead dying going to die here suffocating cannot breathe everyone is out to get me everyone is trying to hurt me.!"

To:

"Uhhhhhhh facsimile of hope and joy ....?? " but then switching to angry again quickly, and for the first time in 7 years I got so mad I had to put my hands on someone physically.

And it calms down my urges to text people spam them,,, so i guess it had helped impulsivity!?

And, I hadnt cried in months and I did now, so....

Does it get better from here? Im diagnosed with anxiety and depression. And also my living situation is awful, , but im hoping it will help. I need to take my dose right now folks. Id love to chat with someone.