The state of this world is making me sick and I almost don’t want to be here. Sick of the infatuation with sex and infidelity online
To clarify, I am not suicidal in any way just really disappointed in the state of the world. I suffered from depression when I was just a kid and teen bc I saw all of the darkness in the world and experienced a lot of it firsthand. I am a sensitive soul and try my hardest to be a good person and all I receive back is suffering. I found out my boyfriend has been cheating on me and consuming and engaging with weird and concerning adult content. His whole phone was a side of him I didn’t know existed. I thought my sweet guy was different and didn’t care all that much about the weird sex shit that seems the be taking over men. He claimed to not have social media but he did with all burner accounts.
This isn’t just a me experience though, so many women are dealing with this and I’m watching so many long term relationships crumble in the last few years due to online adult content consumption and infidelity online. I’m stuck wondering why men simply don’t care that this will hurt their partner. They go to extreme lengths to conceal what’s on their phones and it seems so beyond exhausting. I am terrified to enter this world of dating bc it seems there’s no empathy anymore. And social media apps and phone companies cater to this and are constantly updating with new “privacy” features that don’t seem to benefit anyone but people in relationships trying to hide stuff. It’s all dark very dark. I feel we are losing our humanity in this stuff.
Women are being objectified more than ever and I don’t know how I’m going to trust anyone ever again when it’s so easy to engage in this stuff online and hide it. I feel like women are just constantly having to accept the fact that we will never be respected by men. I just want a lifelong connection and to grow with that person and create a family. I can’t handle another betrayal or heartbreak. I’m almost 30 and have spent my life betrayed by men and haven’t met a single good man in my life who just cares enough to not do things that will hurt me. Why do they play into monogamy while engaging with other women online? I don’t have the energy to entertain others while in a relationship bc I have what I want already. I don’t want to get intimate with anyone else bc it takes a lot to be vulnerable with someone.
I don’t understand how you can consume all of this content and have affairs online while in the same home as the person you’re supposed to love. It’s happening left and right to women I know and love and to myself. I’ve always lived for love and the idea of knowing that somebody would eventually choose me and spend their life with me. Phones have become a barrier between couples, you spend your whole evening in bed on your phones and the phone basically is your spouse. I’ve gone down the rabbit holes of the effect of our phones and social media and it pains me. The internet is no longer just a fun thing to log on to for a little bit and log off, it’s become a part of us. I want the world from when I was a kid back. The VCRS, cable tv, computers being the way to access the internet and phones being used to call people. I want moments of connection and feeling present. I want love without a rectangular object affecting it.