u/quietrevolver

TLDR; my cinephile gf and I had separate bookings for a movie (due to being long distance and prior commitments made) and I then invited a friend to come along with me. She was unhappy with this and is now questioning our relationship, diminishing my character and stating she may never go to the movies again. I don’t see it as the big deal that she does, and think she’s being unfair towards me.

I (27M) will start by prefacing that my gf (27F) and I are in a long distance relationship and have been for 8 years now; I’ve known her for 10 years and there is a 5 hour time zone difference between us. She is a big time movie lover and we would frequently watch movies together over FaceTime over discord etc. and this eventually developed to the stage that we would try and time irl theatre trips at the same time (for example, she would go to an 1:40pm showtime for her which would be a 6:40pm showtime for me) so that we could avail of the new releases as they came out, rather than wait for them to hit streaming.

However, the timing of these things can be tough and so we always try to compromise where necessary (day or two between me seeing it versus when she gets to see it) so that it stays fresh in our minds so we can discuss it, and so the other isn’t having to avoid spoilers too long. This most recent trip to the theatre was one such incident; due to prior commitments, I could only attend a Friday showing and she was sticking with our usual Sunday arrangement — we had talked it over previously and she was fine with this.

The problem struck when a friend of mine reached out to me and asked to hang out, as I haven’t seen him in quite a while, I was eager to do so. He asked if I could do Friday and I explained that I had already booked to go to the theatre, as was agreed between me and my gf. He got back to me a couple days later (Wednesday) and said that was okay and he’d be happy to tag along as the showing time suited him and he just wanted to spend time with me. On the Thursday (so day before the showing) I told my gf there’d been an update to my plans and I’d be going with my friend to the movie and having dinner with him beforehand — she was quiet at this, I asked if she was okay, she stated she was and the conversation moved along.

An hour and a half before the movie began, just before I met up with my friend at the restaurant, my gf texted me and stated that she was bothered by how easily I could rearrange my plans to bring my friend along to the movies with me (since I’d done a second booking to ensure he got the seat next to mine) but couldn’t rearrange with her to get a single day that suited us both. I expressed that I didn’t see the big deal in it as we’ve seen movies on different days prior (usually she would see them before I would in these instances) and she proceeded to question if I’d thought about her at any point of the process when I was adding my friend to the booking, and if I cared as much as she did about the matter and our relationship in general as she feels she compromises more often than I do.

Now, it’s reached a point in the arguing where she’s stating she is deeply hurt by my actions and feels backstabbed by the whole event to the point she’s struggling to say “I love you” and questioning our relationship as I didn’t just go on my own like we usually do (which was never a promise or rule that we had made with each other). She is planning to cancel her ticket to the Sunday showing, and is questioning whether she’s ever going to want to to go to the theatre again as the whole situation has left such a sour taste in her mouth. She has cited I’m being childish and selfish, and that I’m “shit talking her character” and am a “piece of shit” and I have responded by telling her she is being unfair by letting this one day define the person I’ve shown her to be over the last 10 years. What more can I do from here? Have I done enough? I truly do love her deeply and I don’t want our relationship to end over this but I fear it might be headed that way.

TLDR; my cinephile gf and I had separate bookings for a movie (due to being long distance and prior commitments made) and I then invited a friend to come along with me. She was unhappy with this and is now questioning our relationship, diminishing my character and stating she may never go to the movies again. I don’t see it as the big deal that she does, and think she’s being unfair towards me.

I (27M) will start by prefacing that my gf (27F) and I are in a long distance relationship and have been for 8 years now; I’ve known her for 10 years and there is a 5 hour time zone difference between us. She is a big time movie lover and we would frequently watch movies together over FaceTime over discord etc. and this eventually developed to the stage that we would try and time irl theatre trips at the same time (for example, she would go to an 1:40pm showtime for her which would be a 6:40pm showtime for me) so that we could avail of the new releases as they came out, rather than wait for them to hit streaming.

However, the timing of these things can be tough and so we always try to compromise where necessary (day or two between me seeing it versus when she gets to see it) so that it stays fresh in our minds so we can discuss it, and so the other isn’t having to avoid spoilers too long. This most recent trip to the theatre was one such incident; due to prior commitments, I could only attend a Friday showing and she was sticking with our usual Sunday arrangement — we had talked it over previously and she was fine with this.

The problem struck when a friend of mine reached out to me and asked to hang out, as I haven’t seen him in quite a while, I was eager to do so. He asked if I could do Friday and I explained that I had already booked to go to the theatre, as was agreed between me and my gf. He got back to me a couple days later (Wednesday) and said that was okay and he’d be happy to tag along as the showing time suited him and he just wanted to spend time with me. On the Thursday (so day before the showing) I told my gf there’d been an update to my plans and I’d be going with my friend to the movie and having dinner with him beforehand — she was quiet at this, I asked if she was okay, she stated she was and the conversation moved along.

An hour and a half before the movie began, just before I met up with my friend at the restaurant, my gf texted me and stated that she was bothered by how easily I could rearrange my plans to bring my friend along to the movies with me (since I’d done a second booking to ensure he got the seat next to mine) but couldn’t rearrange with her to get a single day that suited us both. I expressed that I didn’t see the big deal in it as we’ve seen movies on different days prior (usually she would see them before I would in these instances) and she proceeded to question if I’d thought about her at any point of the process when I was adding my friend to the booking, and if I cared as much as she did about the matter and our relationship in general as she feels she compromises more often than I do.

Now, it’s reached a point in the arguing where she’s stating she is deeply hurt by my actions and feels backstabbed by the whole event to the point she’s struggling to say “I love you” and questioning our relationship as I didn’t just go on my own like we usually do (which was never a promise or rule that we had made with each other). She is planning to cancel her ticket to the Sunday showing, and is questioning whether she’s ever going to want to to go to the theatre again as the whole situation has left such a sour taste in her mouth. She has cited I’m being childish and selfish, and that I’m “shit talking her character” and am a “piece of shit” and I have responded by telling her she is being unfair by letting this one day define the person I’ve shown her to be over the last 10 years. So as the title states: am I the asshole in this situation?

TLDR; my cinephile gf and I had separate bookings for a movie (due to being long distance and prior commitments made) and I then invited a friend to come along with me. She was unhappy with this and is now questioning our relationship, diminishing my character and stating she may never go to the movies again. I don’t see it as the big deal that she does, and think she’s being unfair towards me.

I (27M) will start by prefacing that my gf (27F) and I are in a long distance relationship and have been for 8 years now; I’ve known her for 10 years and there is a 5 hour time zone difference between us. She is a big time movie lover and we would frequently watch movies together over FaceTime over discord etc. and this eventually developed to the stage that we would try and time irl theatre trips at the same time (for example, she would go to an 1:40pm showtime for her which would be a 6:40pm showtime for me) so that we could avail of the new releases as they came out, rather than wait for them to hit streaming.

However, the timing of these things can be tough and so we always try to compromise where necessary (day or two between me seeing it versus when she gets to see it) so that it stays fresh in our minds so we can discuss it, and so the other isn’t having to avoid spoilers too long. This most recent trip to the theatre was one such incident; due to prior commitments, I could only attend a Friday showing and she was sticking with our usual Sunday arrangement — we had talked it over previously and she was fine with this.

The problem struck when a friend of mine reached out to me and asked to hang out, as I haven’t seen him in quite a while, I was eager to do so. He asked if I could do Friday and I explained that I had already booked to go to the theatre, as was agreed between me and my gf. He got back to me a couple days later (Wednesday) and said that was okay and he’d be happy to tag along as the showing time suited him and he just wanted to spend time with me. On the Thursday (so day before the showing) I told my gf there’d been an update to my plans and I’d be going with my friend to the movie and having dinner with him beforehand — she was quiet at this, I asked if she was okay, she stated she was and the conversation moved along.

An hour and a half before the movie began, just before I met up with my friend at the restaurant, my gf texted me and stated that she was bothered by how easily I could rearrange my plans to bring my friend along to the movies with me (since I’d done a second booking to ensure he got the seat next to mine) but couldn’t rearrange with her to get a single day that suited us both. I expressed that I didn’t see the big deal in it as we’ve seen movies on different days prior (usually she would see them before I would in these instances) and she proceeded to question if I’d thought about her at any point of the process when I was adding my friend to the booking, and if I cared as much as she did about the matter and our relationship in general as she feels she compromises more often than I do.

Now, it’s reached a point in the arguing where she’s stating she is deeply hurt by my actions and feels backstabbed by the whole event to the point she’s struggling to say “I love you” and questioning our relationship as I didn’t just go on my own like we usually do (which was never a promise or rule that we had made with each other). She is planning to cancel her ticket to the Sunday showing, and is questioning whether she’s ever going to want to to go to the theatre again as the whole situation has left such a sour taste in her mouth. She has cited I’m being childish and selfish, and that I’m “shit talking her character” and am a “piece of shit” and I have responded by telling her she is being unfair by letting this one day define the person I’ve shown her to be over the last 10 years. So as the title states: am I the asshole in this situation?