u/rainbowass234

Trigger warning: homophobia

Maybe it’s because I don’t have queer friends, but it’s such an isolating experience. I think a lot about how I come across to people who don’t know about my sexuality: Will I be ostracised by them if they get an idea? Will they tell other people? Will it change our relationship?
And on the opposite end of the spectrum I have people who do know that I’m gay and supposedly accept me, but at the same time, will stereotype me, “I’m so glad to have a gay friend” “all man hating women are lesbians” I’ve heard this so many times.
Moreover being a woman, guys who found me attractive previously somehow feel so personally offended that I’m into women, they’ll say any and everything.

But I think the worst part of it is with my straight women friends. I can see they get visibly uncomfortable in certain occasions, like I had a friend in my mutual friend group who was talking about her boyfriend and the stuff that she did with him, and I just walked into the room and she stopped and said that she doesn’t want to say it in front of me, I didn’t even know what they were talking about before the rest of my friends called her out for it, but she just doubled down.

It’s not that I wanted to know it or that I’m some kind of a weird pervert, and I had barely interacted with that girl. But god it feels so shitty to be excluded for something that’s out of my control. I don’t understand why my sexuality has to make other people uncomfortable. I’m not going around shouting it out or hitting on every girl I see, I’m not even telling people that I’m a lesbian, it’s only when the topic comes up, but somehow it just becomes the topic of conversation every time after that like I’m not an individual beyond my sexuality.

It’s just so isolating, I can’t talk about my past relationships as freely as heterosexual people, heck I can’t even talk about my crushes. And it really doesn’t help that India’s so homophobic. My ex was so scared of her mother finding out, she could only imagine a future with a man. My situationship after that told me that we have no future and eventually she’ll just settle for an arranged marriage.

But what about people like me then? Who don’t feel any attraction for men. I’m not trying to biphobic, but I felt so helpless when my ex broke up because she envisioned a family with a guy that her mother approved of. What could I have even said to stop her, all I could think of was at least one of us gets to live a “normal life” or wtv.

I’m just honestly tired.

I’m trying to understand how the odds of an event occurring have changed between two different time periods, but the problem is my data is based on a periodic survey with a five year interval.
I’m planning to use the same logistic regression model on the periodic data of one year and then the other, and compare the output in both cases.

I just wanted to know if there’s a better way to go about with data from periodic surveys like census, or if there’s any reason I can’t compare the discontinuous data set.

So today I studied for three hours in the morning, took a good long break and then another two hours in the early evening and by the end of it I was mentally exhausted.

I switched subjects also from economics to maths, but I was still pretty tired. I tried doing something else also, like just relaxing and watching a YouTube video but it didn’t help.

I usually leave my late evening free for review and practice, but I’m just unable to focus on what I have to do. And even if I do focus I find myself zoning out and mindlessly solving and writing.

I want to increase my hours of studying but I don’t know how to increase my capacity and retention.

As the title says, I couldn’t study this year because of family problems and the fourth year curriculum and research. I got through Jamia and madras school but I want a better college. My argument is that I will only be doing my masters once, I won’t be doing a double masters and I want to get into research. My family is asking me to join either of the two and prepare for the entrances again and give it again. But after seeing how hectic research gets and I’m sure masters will be even heavier, I’m sure I’ll be stuck in the same cycle where I’m not able to streamline my focus and balance everything.
Can someone advise me? Will I just be throwing away good opportunities?

I’ll start: matched with a girl on Hinge. We talked for two weeks regularly and then we finally decided to meet when she was back in town.
Cue to the day of the date, she shows up half an hour late, which I was still okay with. And she looks nothing like her Hinge photos, because they were a couple of years old. I don’t really mind appearances but I think it’s the honesty that matters more for me.

I’d bought her a bouquet because she mentioned that she likes a specific color on text and I’d kept it on the table I was waiting on. Fast forward to when she arrives, she starts arguing with me, nitpicking about the color of the bouquet, that she’s never said anything like that (until I pulled up the chats).
Then she starts talking down on my beliefs (she’s an atheist and I’m not) how could I be gay and believing in God. And I just felt iffy the whole time because I knew that she’s an atheist and she knew that I’m not before the date, but it just suddenly became a problem when the date happened. And it just sucks to be talked down to like you’re stupid.

I feel like it could’ve still worked out but I was way too drained out by the whole interaction by the end of it even though we still tried to make the date work out.

For the counselling process tomorrow, do we need to keep anything handy? I don’t have my provisional marksheet right now, will we need it?

Like when I got out of my first relationship with a girl, it was two years long and I got dumped, I was heartbroken, but a lot of my guy friends just kept saying things “you should date a guy now” “you wouldn’t have to face these issues with men” “use me as a rebound”.

And it pisses me off sm because anytime anyone else has a breakup in the friend group it’s never about the sexuality of the person, it’s the fact that they’re going through it.

EDIT: holy shit guys😭 I thought I’d heard bad things, yall have been thru diabolical shit

So like I don’t date younger people cuz I have a messed up family and there’s a possibility that I have a half sister out there who’s probably two years younger.

I was wondering if anyone else has like weird rules to dating like I do lol