u/randomlady2001

I feel like high school drop outs are usually the stereotype for abusive parents. But I don’t see much recognition for the abusive parents who were nerds growing up. The academically smart one’s. Not sure why he was so insecure in my childhood, he had so many skills …..in knowledge and other things. He even had friends. Like ????? What was missing in his life that bullying us fulfilled ?

I’ll never believe in it. (I grew up with it btw.)

To think I used to have 2 dads (my mom’s abusive ex and my bio dad.) Both of them are extremely toxic, in different ways.

Your experience isn’t everyone’s.

Not even just school, but trying to watch a documentary or read a book about a subject I’m interested in. It’s not even just about attention span, I have a literal deterrent/apprehension with learning new info and skills. Like I WANT to know more, but the process of learning or being taught is a trauma trigger for me.

For 9 years of my childhood, ages 6-15 (24 now) my abusive ex stepdad traumatized me, during but not limited to teaching me to fish, ice skate, even during hw or chores. (He didn’t actually “teach” , more like make demands then abuse me for struggling.) I also have autism and a learning disability fyi.

Also, spanking a child is so normalized and it’s sad. People think just because a child listens they are disciplined, nah what really matters is how they act when you aren’t there. But fear should never be why, understanding and respect should be. Compliance doesn’t equal good behavior.

So ages 6-15, are the years my siblings, my mom, and I lived at abuser ex stepdads house. He was extremely controlling, creepy, and abusive. (I am 24 now.)

Even though I am female, crying was still seen as unnecessary weak shit….most emotions were. Eventually I learned to just not operate at all, just be a statue with no emotions and no reactions. I’d still cry when he was being verbally abusive, and other situations. But majority of the time, I just grey rocked. Even at school i grey rocked, because I didn’t know how to separate the environments. (School was safe.) The only place I didn’t grey rock, was at bio dads every other weekend. But I was a menace, not knowing discipline. The grey rocking became who I was though, and I am mad I grew up like that. Sometimes I still come off weird ….like when I try and get out of grey rocking and actually emote, I feel annoying. Just keeping to basic talking and only if talked at and monotone is how I survived growing up, even almost a decade after leaving stepdad i still am struggling to human.

What makes it worse…I have autism. Those who get it get it.

I am gen z, age 24. I am not a parent, but my sister is to a 20 month old so through her I am around some of her parent friends. Plus online posts and some people I know who are parents .

I am so disappointed at how many spank their kids or threaten them with a spanking, or emotionally neglect them. Also, the ones who let an iPad parent their kids or don’t correct them at all. Any of the extremes are horrible to see.

As someone who grew up with abuse, a mix of things ….i really thought my generation was going to fix it but it seems generations keep OVER correcting what our parents did, and flip flop throughout extremes/both sides of the same coin. Where is the balance? Smh.