u/raspberrylimonada

I have a mix of interests but to keep it short I’m almost done w my AA degree (general studies) with a focus in environmental science. I don’t know if this is truly what I want to do because i’d like to make a good salary without having to travel out of necessity and I waited a few years to try college to see if what I wanted was really what I wanted and I don’t think it is. I enjoy science but it’s time consuming and the pay isn’t exactly worth it.

I’ve considered working in tourism which sounds nice but doesn’t have good pay and maybe something in beauty but that doesn’t have good pay unless I have my own business. I also like to paint and am good at it but people don’t really need or look to art out of necessity and it wouldn’t be stable. I feel kind of lost and am experiencing a bit of a career crisis because i’ve been stuck working as a server/ retail and want out. I’m not physically very strong and although i’ve developed a lot of skills in customer service it’s not exactly like i’d be able to make a decent living out of it.

If I decide to get my bachelors I feel like i’d regret going for an environmental science degree because out of all the sciences it’s not exactly the most well paying one. i just felt the need to let this out somewhere because I feel lost and not really happy with how things are going. Also happy 4th of july.

im pissed off i’m a frequent traveler and I rarely ever complain if there’s a crying baby or an upset kid because I get it I guess, but if you have an untrained kid touching peoples things and putting their nasty germs all over the place knowing they look sick don’t get mad if you get called out. I had a lady get mad at me over telling her people can get sick from that and she needs to control her kid and that they shouldn’t be touching other people’s things regardless.

People have no manners or common sense whatsoever and it’s the first time I had to actually parent a parent at an airport.

I don’t want to make this too long, but i’m an adult (over 21) and honestly i’ve had a pretty rough 10 years, and am going to college soon and taking out loans. I don’t know how to drive, didn’t know how to properly bathe myself till I was 18, and was taught many life skills from other people (not my parents). Basically my brother is 12 and my mom has a senior dog, and I try to come back home for a few months at a time to help out with the dog and brother and try to teach him a few things.

I’m probably going to be moving to another state because my partner lives there, and it’s going to happen soon. His job is there and there’s no way for him to move closer to my family at all. It’s a few hours on a flight.

I feel guilty leaving because I know deep down that my mother is very neglectful, especially towards the dog. Her dog has to stay in the crate while she’s at work ( valid), but she doesn’t put anything in it aside from a few blankets even though she knows she has arthritis and probably gets sores. I swear sometimes I just think it’s stupidity and honestly I treat her like she is because I don’t want to think it’s that she doesn’t care, but it’s probably that. She’s either stupid, was raised the same and doesn’t see anything wrong with it, or just doesn’t care.

If my brother didn’t have so many issues in school she probably wouldn’t care either. I was “ well behaved” growing up but really I was neglected and instead of getting scolded at for needing her to wash my clothes as a kid I just sucked it up and would rather be ignored than mistreated. Other people took care of me as a result.

A lot of times I don’t really see her as a mother I see her as someone who brought me into this world, but she didn’t teach me a lot. She just sheltered me and expected me to be perfect and she hated that I went off the deep end as a teen. I try to not be resentful because i’m a responsible (ish) adult now, but it’s like at what cost? I try to not get angry over her not caring about basic things, but it makes me want to blow up on her and call her every name in the book.

I feel responsible over my brother not in a way of a mother, but like how other caretakers would interact with me. Make sure he’s clean and doing his homework and all of that. I take care of her dog like it’s my own( she’s the family dog), and I can’t take her back with me because me and my partner live in a very cold state, and she’s a senior adapted to warm weather. I fear that would be worse than leaving her here because at least my mom does basic things for her.

Anyways this was supposed to be short but turned into a rant, I have a hard time dealing with my mom and had a very rough childhood because of her. I try not to put all the blame on her, but it’s hard not to. Thanks if you read all of this, if you’ve have any advice and have gone through something similar please guide me. I’m being consumed with guilt over wanting to move forward with my life.

I don’t want to make this too long, but i’m an adult (over 21) and honestly i’ve had a pretty rough 10 years, and am going to college soon and taking out loans. I don’t know how to drive, didn’t know how to properly bathe myself till I was 18, and was taught many life skills from other people (not my parents). Basically my brother is 12 and my mom has a senior dog, and I try to come back home for a few months at a time to help out with the dog and brother and try to teach him a few things.

I’m probably going to be moving to another state because my partner lives there, and it’s going to happen soon. His job is there and there’s no way for him to move closer to my family at all. It’s a few hours on a flight.

I feel guilty leaving because I know deep down that my mother is very neglectful, especially towards the dog. Her dog has to stay in the crate while she’s at work ( valid), but she doesn’t put anything in it aside from a few blankets even though she knows she has arthritis and probably gets sores. I swear sometimes I just think it’s stupidity and honestly I treat her like she is because I don’t want to think it’s that she doesn’t care, but it’s probably that. She’s either stupid, was raised the same and doesn’t see anything wrong with it, or just doesn’t care.

If my brother didn’t have so many issues in school she probably wouldn’t care either. I was “ well behaved” growing up but really I was neglected and instead of getting scolded at for needing her to wash my clothes as a kid I just sucked it up and would rather be ignored than mistreated. Other people took care of me as a result.

A lot of times I don’t really see her as a mother I see her as someone who brought me into this world, but she didn’t teach me a lot. She just sheltered me and expected me to be perfect and she hated that I went off the deep end as a teen. I try to not be resentful because i’m a responsible (ish) adult now, but it’s like at what cost? I try to not get angry over her not caring about basic things, but it makes me want to blow up on her and call her every name in the book.

I feel responsible over my brother not in a way of a mother, but like how other caretakers would interact with me. Make sure he’s clean and doing his homework and all of that. I take care of her dog like it’s my own( she’s the family dog), and I can’t take her back with me because me and my partner live in a very cold state, and she’s a senior adapted to warm weather. I fear that would be worse than leaving her here because at least my mom does basic things for her.

Anyways this was supposed to be short but turned into a rant, I have a hard time dealing with my mom and had a very rough childhood because of her. I try not to put all the blame on her, but it’s hard not to. Thanks if you read all of this, and if you’ve been through something similar or are going through something similar please share any advice you have, I feel like i’m losing my mind with guilt.