u/rayaweston23

Hey!I’m in the Olympia area and I’d love to find some people who want to start an alt/psychedelic rock band.
I’ve never been in a band before, but I love singing and I’d love to be the lead singer/frontwoman. Think Mazzy Star, Stevie Nicks, Janis Joplin, Amy Winehouse etc. dreamy, bluesy, a little psychedelic.
I’m especially hoping to find someone who’s been in a band before and knows how to put everything together. I’d love to eventually play shows and maybe write our own stuff too.
If you’re interested or know someone who might be, message me!

My fiancé and I have been together for several years and are getting married. I need some honest advice because I know this is a me problem.

He loves me, is affectionate, tells me I’m beautiful, and has always been very vocal about being attracted to me. Rationally I know he chooses me every day.

The issue is that I get insanely triggered by women who look like his exes or what I know his type used to be.

For context, all of his exes are basically the same. Short, brunette, skinny/fit. I’m short too but I’m a natural auburn redhead and I have a much curvier body type. I’m 5’3” and about 140 pounds. Not overweight, just built differently than the women he dated before me.

This weekend we were at a hotel pool and for once I actually felt hot. Which is a big deal because I’ve hated my body for most of my life. I had a bikini on and was actually feeling confident and good about myself.

Then I saw a girl that instantly triggered me.

She was petite, brunette, skinny, had a nice butt, nice chest, and looked exactly like the kind of girl I would’ve expected him to go for before me.

The second I saw her my confidence completely disappeared.

Instead of enjoying the pool I started watching him. Tracking his eyes. Wondering if he noticed her. Wondering if he thought she was prettier than me. Wondering if he wished I looked more like that.

The thing is my fear isn’t really that she wants him.

My fear is that he wants her.

Not enough to leave me. Not enough to stop loving me. I don’t think that.

It’s more like this fear that if he could design his perfect woman physically she would probably look more like her than me.

I know that sounds stupid because he’s always been attracted to me. He’s always made that clear. He even says his type changed after meeting me and that I’m his type now. But when I see women who look like his exes it’s like my brain completely ignores all of that.

I start comparing every little thing.

Her stomach is flatter.

Her butt is nicer.

Her boobs sit better.

She’s closer to what he used to date.

And then before I know it I’m monitoring him instead of having fun and bringing her up when I should just be enjoying my day.

The worst part is I’m aware I’m doing it while it’s happening. I can literally tell myself “you’re being ridiculous right now” and I still can’t stop.

I’m exhausted by it and I don’t want to be this person forever. What specific things helped you break this cycle if you’ve struggled with something similar?

I need some honest advice because I know this is a me problem.

My fiancé and I have been together for years. He loves me, is affectionate, tells me I’m beautiful, and has always been very vocal about being attracted to me. We are getting married and I genuinely do believe he loves me.

The issue is that I get insanely triggered by women who look like his exes or what I know his type used to be.

For context, all of his exes are basically the same. Short, brunette, skinny/fit. I’m short too but I’m a natural auburn redhead and I have a curvier body. Not overweight, just built differently than the women he dated before me. Think curvier and softer compared to the slim, fit girls he used to date.

This weekend we were at a hotel pool and for once I actually felt hot. Which is a big deal because I’ve hated my body for most of my life. I had a bikini on and was actually feeling confident and good about myself.

Then I saw a girl that instantly triggered me.

She was petite, brunette, skinny, had a nice butt, nice chest, and looked exactly like the kind of girl I would’ve expected him to go for before me.

The second I saw her my confidence completely disappeared.

Instead of enjoying the pool I started watching him. Tracking his eyes. Wondering if he noticed her. Wondering if he thought she was prettier than me. Wondering if he wished I looked more like that.

The thing is my fear isn’t really that she wants him.

My fear is that he wants her.

Not enough to leave me. Not enough to stop loving me. I don’t think that.

It’s more like this fear that if he could design his perfect woman physically she would probably look more like her than me.

I know that sounds stupid because he’s always been attracted to me. He’s always made that clear. He even says his type changed after meeting me and that I’m his type now. But when I see women who look like his exes it’s like my brain completely ignores all of that.

I start comparing every little thing.

Her stomach is flatter.

Her butt is nicer.

Her boobs sit better.

She’s closer to what he used to date.

And then before I know it I’m monitoring him instead of having fun and bringing her up when I should just be enjoying my day.

The worst part is I’m aware I’m doing it while it’s happening. I can literally tell myself “you’re being ridiculous right now” and I still can’t stop.

I know this probably stems from my own insecurities and body image issues but I don’t know how to fix it.

Has anyone else dealt with this? How do you stop comparing yourself to every woman that fits your partner’s old type? How do you stop watching your partner for signs they’re attracted to someone else? And how do you stop feeling threatened by random women who have done absolutely nothing wrong?

Because honestly I’m exhausted by it and I don’t want to be this person forever.