how do i tell my parents i want to (or am going to) move out?
hi!
i 22F have a somewhat odd dynamic with my parents so i’m not sure how to go about this.
for context, my parents are quite (kind of??) involved in my life and have strong opinions about relationships and what they think is “appropriate” (meaning they’re both kind of religious and hold views that i don’t always agree with). they argue quite literally everyday and i don’t remember a single day that they haven’t. my parents are also two VERY different types of people. my mom is very emotional, asks a lot of questions, sometimes interprets my boundaries as rejection, and has a very “velcro-like” attachment to me and my appearance (i think this is because i don’t have any siblings). on the other hand, my dad is more stoic and not interested in anything i say or do unless it has to do with him or benefits him in some way. it was literally my birthday recently and he didn’t even wish me a happy birthday nor talk to me that day lol and on top of that he went out and bought a dinner he knows i’m allergic too. that was genuinely the last straw for me. he rarely initiates personal conversations, but when big life events do come up for me (e.g., me getting accepted to something or getting some type of award), he turns it into a lesson or an argument, and nothing positive ever comes from it and he always talks about connections and how beneficial they are and blah blah blah like why can’t we just appreciate me for once????. he usually tends to offer minimal responses that honestly feel heavier than words and his attitude is just cold and hard to constantly put up with and i’m sick of everything i say being taken the wrong way all the time because i’m not trying to argue. because of this dynamic, i’ve learned overtime to just keep certain things to myself and then when i do he gets mad but i honestly do not feel like i can tell them anything and i just feel uncomfortable in general.
it sort of feels like i’m living 2 separate lives. with my friends and bf i feel happy, safe, and like myself. on the other hand, living with my parents makes me feel constantly on edge. i also struggle sometimes with mental health (obviously my parents don’t believe in mental health/disorders). i was diagnosed with anxiety and depression and depression at a young age. i graduated college last month and am starting another program in the fall. my bf 22m told me he’s looking to move out next year and wants me to move in with him (we’ve been together 3 years). i love my bf and im so insanely happy with him and id love to move in with him. he makes me feel seen and i feel so appreciated by him.
i genuinely don’t know what to do. i think what im struggling with is HOW to tell them. i worry that with my mom, it’ll turn into nonstop questions and anxiety. with my dad, i genuinely think it’ll turn into disapproval or him yelling at me for something. every time he yells at me he tries to make me feel small by saying i’m “just a kid” but like im 22???? he always says i have no experience doing anything and that im immature but he never TAUGHT me how to do anything. i really don’t know what his problem is with me but ever since i was a kid i always thought he had some sort of problem or vendetta against me and i always thought he hated me. he doesn’t ask me anything about my personal life and whenever i talk it doesn’t seem like he truly listens to anything i say. it’s kinda like he just wants the conversation to be over so i just stop talking. i don’t even think he knows what my favourite colour is lol. i think that he likes to have control over people and makes them feel small when they show the slightest bit of disagreement with him (im not sure how else to explain it). the way he acts with his friends is completely different to how to acts with my
mom and i.
i’m not sure how to approach this and the dynamic i currently live in makes it difficult. i’d really appreciate any type of advice. i’m also really sorry for the lengthy post