u/robinxiv

My fiancé and I have been together for 4 years and I honestly don’t know what to do anymore.
I had severe anorexia for almost 10 years. I nearly died from it and recovery has been one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. Even now I have to be careful because I know how quickly those thoughts can come back.

Over the last few months, my fiancé has become really obsessive with food. He weighs everything he eats, counts every calorie, measures his milk, only buys the lowest fat versions of things, uses zero calorie syrup, eats porridge almost every day, works out for about an hour most days and constantly says he’s fat. He’s 5’11 and around 138 lbs and to me he looks really thin. He’s started looking unwell.
I’m not trying to diagnose him because I know I can’t, but it’s so similar to how I was when I was at my worst that it’s becoming unbearable to watch.

Every time I bring it up he gets defensive. He tells me to stop, says he’s just making sure he’s eating enough, or says he’ll stop weighing everything, but he never does. He completely shuts the conversation down and refuses to talk about it.

The hardest part is what it’s doing to me. I’ve started not wanting to eat, I’m picking my body apart again and I’m having eating disorder thoughts that I haven’t had in a long time. It’s genuinely scaring me because I know how dangerous those thoughts became for me before.

I love him so much and I never imagined I’d even think this, but I’m starting to wonder if I need to leave to protect my own recovery. I feel awful for even thinking that because if he is struggling, I don’t want to abandon him. But I also don’t know how much longer I can live with this when it’s starting to affect my own mental health.

Has anyone else been through anything like this? Is it wrong to end a relationship because your partner’s behaviour is triggering your own eating disorder recovery, even if they may be struggling themselves?

My fiancé and I have been together for 4 years and I honestly don’t know what to do anymore.
I had severe anorexia for almost 10 years. I nearly died from it and recovery has been one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. Even now I have to be careful because I know how quickly those thoughts can come back.

Over the last few months, my fiancé has become really obsessive with food. He weighs everything he eats, counts every calorie, measures his milk, only buys the lowest fat versions of things, uses zero calorie syrup, eats porridge almost every day, works out for about an hour most days and constantly says he’s fat. He’s 5’11 and around 138 lbs and to me he looks really thin. He’s started looking unwell.
I’m not trying to diagnose him because I know I can’t, but it’s so similar to how I was when I was at my worst that it’s becoming unbearable to watch.
Every time I bring it up he gets defensive. He tells me to stop, says he’s just making sure he’s eating enough, or says he’ll stop weighing everything, but he never does. He completely shuts the conversation down and refuses to talk about it.

The hardest part is what it’s doing to me. I’ve started not wanting to eat, I’m picking my body apart again and I’m having eating disorder thoughts that I haven’t had in a long time. It’s genuinely scaring me because I know how dangerous those thoughts became for me before.

I love him so much and I never imagined I’d even think this, but I’m starting to wonder if I need to leave to protect my own recovery. I feel awful for even thinking that because if he is struggling, I don’t want to abandon him. But I also don’t know how much longer I can live with this when it’s starting to affect my own mental health.

Has anyone else been through anything like this? Is it wrong to end a relationship because your partner’s behaviour is triggering your own eating disorder recovery, even if they may be struggling themselves?