u/rogue_rose_ranger

Pretty normal right? Not for me. I have not done this on my own for years and years - decades in fact, but this week I started to.

I was in a very bad (abusive) relationship which ended in early 2012. Life was very hard for many years after as well facing precarious housing and job insecurity.

I got this flat with my now ex in 2022. We split in April 2024. We were together nearly 10 years.

I haven't for as long as I remember, been able to fully relax in my own company. I WFH, but as soon as the working day ended, I'd retreat to my bed until I fell asleep 6 hours later. I'd make a snack and eat it in the bedroom.

This week was my first week back at work following 5 weeks off with stress. I found myself picking up a book, sitting on the sofa and reading most of the eve. I've done this every night this week bar one. Tonight, I put on the TV and watched a film.

I've tried relaxing on my sofa before many times, but could never settle and would eventually give up. This week I've actively enjoyed it. It must've been 25 years since I've been able to do this! Enjoying my living space. It feels great.

I've done tonnes of work on myself to heal, and my life is immeasurably different now, in a good way. It's taken a lot of time, and I guess I sometimes haven't noticed the incremental changes, but this week was a marked one. It feels so good.

I know there's a lot of us on here who are now living alone after a difficult period. I love my little sanctuary, but it took a while to feel this. I hope for anyone who is struggling with living on their own, arrives at this place too - a place where they can heal, then begin to thrive.

In 2022 my ex and I bought a flat under the UK shared ownership scheme. We split in April 2024, and it's taken this long to get his name off the mortgage.

I finally completed this week and got the (master system) key back via my solicitor he was holding to ransom.

I was with him 9 years. We split pretty amicably, but then right at the 11th hour he tried to jeopardise things, and go after the £20k unsecured deposit my dad had put in, knowing that my dad was grieving the loss of my mum to Alzheimer's.

Despite our issues, I never thought he'd stoop so low. I then saw all the shit I put up with in our relationship, which I took as the norm, as my self esteem was so poor.

My ex knew I'd faced a precarious housing situation after leaving a horribly abusive relationship, hitting rock bottom, and struggled for years, which made me feel even more sick from his actions.

I've been going through old photos, deleting them. Including ones with our dog (who died following an accident shortly after we moved into the flat.) I feel quite sad, thinking of life I had, how it can change so much in less than a decade . I'm sad and angry that we ended up splitting acrimonously, as it has besmirched all the happy memories I had, and I wasted nearly a decade of my life with him.

Despite this, I'm so happy and relieved to have the flat as mine now. I've lived alone since he left, so there is no change, but it does feel like a new chapter is starting. My life, on my terms. No more financial wrangling- I finally know where I'm at, and I can now move forward in my life.

I've done things in the last two years, i never would've done had I stayed with him. My life has opened up immeasurably, I am so much more confident, and I am thriving.

To all those newly living alone after a break up: it might be tough at first, but to live life on your own terms is the most wonderful freeing feeling. I get to know what it's like to be me, enjoy my own space, amd build a happy life. I wish the same for you, and all the other living aloners on here

Finally got my ex taken off the mortgage, after a 2 year battle. I was with him 9 years. We split pretty amicably, but then right at the 11th hour he tried to jeopardise things, and go after the £20k unsecured deposit my dad had put in, knowing that my dad was grieving the loss of my mum to Alzheimer's.

Despite our issues, I never thought he'd stoop so low. I then saw all the shit I put up with in our relationship, which I took as the norm, as my self esteem was so poor.

My ex knew I'd faced a precarious housing situation after leaving a horribly abusive relationship, hitting rock bottom, and struggled for years, which made me feel even more sick from his actions.

I've been going through old photos, deleting them. Including ones with our dog (who died following an accident shortly after we moved into the flat.) I feel quite sad, thinking of life I had, how it can change so much in less than a decade . I'm sad and angry that we ended up splitting acrimonously, as it has besmirched all the happy memories I had, and I wasted nearly a decade of my life with him.

I'm in a much better place now, and so much more confident than I was, but I realise how much younger me, allowed poor treatment from men, as I didn't think I was worth more.

I've seen other posts on reddit where women are also being treated appallingly like I was, and my heart goes out to them.

I don't know whether it's age, or just where I'm at now, that's made me be firmer in my boundaries, and more feisty, but I will never allow myself to be treated so unkindly and thoughtlessly again.

Has anyone else here had similar experience?

I work remotely for a small organisation in a very pressurised team, with multiple daily deadlines. My colleagues and I are all women and very dedicated to our job and conscientious. We work for a non profit and our wages are low, but we care about what we do. I like my company and my managers. I've been there 6 years.

My team and I were regularly working over our contracted hours - sometimes 2 hours extra per day, which was obvious on the Teams chat, which both managers were regular contributors so would see when we logged off. The party line was not to work over our hours, but due to the sheer volume of work, and our ethic, we all did. None of us wanted to log off earlier than anyone else, when the rest of the team were still working.

The intensity picked up last June, and has only increased. Added to this, I started a course through work, and my manager told me to complete the coursework in my own time. So for several months, I spent alternate weekends caring for my mum with Alzheimer's, and the other doing assignments. It then transpired, that my company was paid by the learning provider for me to study in work time, and I should not be doing coursework in my own time. In addition to my extra hours in my actual job, I also worked about 70 extra hours doing coursework in my free time. I'm now able to study in work time.

Early this year I started to struggle with concentrating on tasks, and went from one of the highest performers to falling behind, which made me feel really bad.

One person on my team went off on LTS in April (still absent(, then someone was internally promoted without the job being advertised and with no interview (which my team was all sore about) and despite being a nice bloke, is a useless manager and had no grasp of our role, or inclination to support the team. Things quickly became chaotic. I'm a very structured person, and found fire fighting daily took a further toll.

The tipping point was two weeks ago, when my dentist said I was grinding my teeth. In my adult life I've had 5 bad asthma attacks, and 3 were in the month prior to going off sick, I've been waking up several times a night for months, and my stomach is constantly sore and bloated. I realised I was exhausted.

I want to return to work soon. I like my job, my team, my company, my managers. In my RTW how honest should I be about the reasons for going off? I don't want management to feel I'm criticising them at all, as I'm afraid it will put a target on my back, plus work have been accommodating in lots of other aspects. How should I play it? Thanks

I had my reiki 2 attunement last weekend. My reiki master was badly abused as a child, but had been able to forgive her abuser, and in forgiving him, she'd set herself free.

I hadn't previously entertained the idea of forgiving mine. However since speaking with her, it's something I'd like to explore. He passed in 2018. Has anyone here been able to forgive someone who badly abused them, and how did you go about it? Thanks