i've lost around 180 pounds, and i am cold all the damn time. it's 65 degrees out right now. i am sitting on the couch in a heavy flannel onesie and i've got a blanket in my lap because my feet are cold. this is not unusual these days. to be fair, i live in seattle. the hottest temp so far this year has been 85.
still, is anyone else always cold, or cooler than you'd expect? did i lose all my insulation?
my mind is blown. i just discovered that i can wear my husband's 34-waist button fly jeans. they're a little tight, but no camel toe and i can button all the buttons.
he's about 5'6", around 150 pounds. i was 320-330 when we met and i thanked him for accepting me as i was. he said "i don't accept you, i'm enthusiastic about you." he is still enthusiastic, even though now i can steal his jeans.
every year i go to the week-long puget sound regional burning man, where my husband and i have a theme camp. i have some good friends there that i rarely see except at this event.
when i weighed 332, i was one of the biggest people there (if not the biggest). last year, i was down to about 255, but because i dressed in baggy clothes, you couldn't really tell i'd lost nearly 80 pounds.
as of this morning, i'm 151 - down 181 pounds. i know i am overthinking like whoa, but are people going to be weird about me not being the biggest person at the event anymore? i'm afraid it might be awkward because i'm smaller than some of them now. fortunately, most of my friends don't comment on other people's bodies, which helps. i know this is weird and probably unnecessary to worry about, but i have massive social anxiety and would like reassurance that it might be okay.
me: i want a llama, please
her: and what else?
me: um, flowers?
from that conversation, she came up with this amazing scar cover. it held up pretty well, and it got even brighter after my 170-pound weight loss. first three are original. next four are from 6/9/26. last photo is the scars that were covered.
i've been in a research study to find out if a topical cream that's approved for other things will work on hs. it's double-blind, of course, so i don't know what i've got.
i joined because i was willing to try anything. i was diagnosed in 2006. my last dermatologist said i had one of the worst cases they'd ever seen. i get them everywhere - armpits, under breasts, abdominal crease, thigh creases, pubic area, the back of one thigh, perianal, and once on my right earlobe. i itched constantly, so badly in my pubic area that i scratched off most of the hair.
when i went for my baseline appointment, they counted all the active lesions. there were at least three dozen. things were draining and there was a lot of redness. two weeks after that, i got my first tubes of study cream.
today was a study appointment, week 8 of 16. i've been using the cream twice daily. today, there were two active lesions on my whole body. no redness, no drainage, no pain from hs, no new bumps. it's like a miracle. i don't itch at all, down from itching all the damned time. the only thing they found today was two inflamed nodules and a lot of scars. all after only eight weeks. in eight more weeks everyone gets the actual drug.
the researcher is amazed. i am amazed and thrilled.
if you're in the pacific nw and want details, they're still recruiting people. message me if you want details. even if you don't get the study cream initially, don't worry - they're giving the real stuff to everyone after weeks 17-52.
when i weighed 332, I was told by a doctor, "you need knee replacement surgery but you can't have it because of your weight." later my hip started locking up, and it was the same thing: if you want your hip fixed, lose weight.
so i did. first using semaglutide, then tirzepatide. it took more than a year, but when i got down to the low 170s, i was approved for the hip replacement (first, because knees are apparently harder to deal with post-op).
a couple of weeks ago my hip was replaced! i am thrilled - it hurts like hell right now, but that's temporary and they gave me painkillers.
i'm down to the low 160s now. that's great, but this surgery is the most significant goal i've reached so far.
i posted here a few weeks ago because my surgery had been moved up from 5/26 to 5/12 and i needed advice about how to prepare things around the house for when i came home. you guys really delivered, and i am so grateful for your help.
everything went incredibly well. i did end up spending five days in the hospital, but the last two were because my blood pressure kept going really low. and because of y'all's help, things were set up and ready when i got home! the tabletop on the walker turned it into a chariot for the cat, who keeps hitching rides from the bathroom. the rigid bag on the front means i don't have to try to hold my phone while using the walker. and the shoes! the no-hands skechers slip-ons are my best friends right now. i had no idea.
i found a shower transfer bench that was insanely cheap on craigslist, and bought a commode chair, leg lifter, three grabbers (because y'all said i'd need one to pick up the other two, and it was true. one lives on the walker, one by the couch, the third by the bed), dressing stick, sock thingie (not as helpful as i'd hoped) - pretty much everything i could have needed was suggested and has worked out well. i even scored a cheap breg from someone on craigslist who'd been given 2.
so thank you. i hope i can be as helpful to someone in the future.
several people have mentioned losing weight and then losing their pants/skirts in public. did your pants ever try to abandon you? I want to hear about it!
my story: about sixty pounds into losing, i went to a new stylist to have my hair colored. i was wearing this cute black skirt (it had been short, but at this point it reached almost to my knees) and as i walked up to the salon, i clutched my waistband because it felt loose.
the appointment went fine (the colors were gorgeous) and afterward i went to pay at the front desk. while trying to get out my credit card, i let go of the waistband and it was suddenly at my knees!
fortunately, my top was also way too big and hid anything controversial, but it was a bit awkward trying to nonchalantly pull my skirt back up. the next day, i bought a new skirt.
what's your traveling pants moment?
my surgery was scheduled for may 26, but a couple of days ago they asked if i would be okay with moving it up to the 12th. that's four days from now. the last few days have been a whirlwind of pre-op appointments (many of them on the phone, thank god) and blood draws.
i haven't had a lot of time to prepare, but i do have a list of things i'll need afterward. most of it i ordered last night. here's what's on the list so far:
* folding walker and skis for it
* rigid folding bag that straps to front of walker
* tray that straps to top of walker to act as a table
* "hip replacement kit" with a grabber, a sock thing, an almost comically long shoehorn, a dressing stick, a loofah on a long wooden handle, a telescoping scratcher, and a leg lifter
* two more grabbers just in case
* raised toilet seat that's on a frame with legs on either side of the toilet. it also has a bucket if you need a bedside commode (which i probably won't, but multitaskers are good on general principle)
* two large freezer ice packs designed to strap on your hip (20 minutes on, 20 off means each one has 40 minutes to get cold again)
what am i missing?
what do i need to know that the surgeon's office might not have mentioned?
they said i might have to stay overnight - how likely is it? they said once i demonstrate that i can walk and climb stairs, i can leave. i'm planning to pack a bag and my travel cpap, then leave it in the car until we know if i'm starting over.
how can i help my husband help me and support him in it?
thank you in advance for any advice. i'm a little freaked out. i hadn't started planning for after surgery yet and suddenly it's almost here.
i weighed 332. i now weigh 166 - half of that. i have lost a whole person and then some, and it is totally blowing my mind. i still think i'm fat, but my husband disagrees.
no one prepares you for the various flavors of body dysmorphia, but i remind myself that someday i will feel at home in my body again.