257 days clean
I’ve been drinking and abusing various drugs since I was 14. I don’t look or seem like the person most would picture as an addict. It can affect absolutely anyone, it doesn’t care if you’re attractive or ugly, rich or poor. My drugs of choice were opioids and alcohol next. I guess weed too. I smoked and vaped it all day everyday but it didn’t do much of anything that I could actually notice back then. I used pills for daytime and combined that with vodka shots (at least 6+) and weed at night daily as soon as I turned 21. My addiction ruined me financially and mentally. I tried almost everything: Xanax, Vicodin, Codeine syrup, Ambien, shrooms, ecstasy, research chemicals, and nitrous oxide.
That nitrous really did me in, caused me to lose my job and a hell of a lot of money. While unemployed, everything just got worse. I was isolating and fighting with my boyfriend to the point of it getting physical and just constant screaming. I also got myself into a car accident. By the grace of God it was minor and only involved myself and blowing out 2 tires on a curb. A nice lady tried to see if I was okay (thankfully uninjured) and I convinced her to not call the cops. I was in the middle of sucking on a tank I just bought when I hit the curb. Around this time I knew I needed help. I was going to buy nitrous tanks after using them all day and night and as soon as I’d run out I would just go buy another with my credit card.
Finally, my boyfriend got me into rehab. Not without a struggle. I wanted it but I physically couldn’t get myself there. He tried to get a van to take me because I knew I’d just jump out of the car if he drove. When the van arrived, I sat on my steps with the nitrous tank for over 20 minutes and the drivers left. I ran out of the tank and then literally ran to my nearest corner store that sold them. I sat in the parking lot until my mom and boyfriend came to get me in the car to take me. I sat in the back the entire time hitting the nitrous under a blanket so my mom wouldn’t see (she had no idea what I was even using and is very religious). We got there about 1.5hrs later and I was hitting the tank while standing outside the car. We finally went inside after my boyfriend finally convinced me it was time to go in. Thus started my journey of sobriety.
It was hard but so fulfilling and life changing. I still deal with my anxiety, depression and some other undiagnosed conditions. However, nothing I deal with has been anywhere near as severe as it was while in active addiction. I hope and pray for the best for anyone trying to quit. This is a DISEASE and don’t let anyone tell you that you aren’t as sick as anyone else battling a disease. Keep fighting for yourself. It’s worth it in the end, even if it doesn’t feel like it now. Don’t be embarrassed to share your story either. This drug is getting out of hand for many and it’s kept very quiet. We need to raise awareness of how terrible it is and how it ruins lives. Please take care of yourselves. Sending you all my best.
P.S. If you need someone to chat to or vent to please DM me. I don’t want you to feel alone.