u/sara-davil

Showing Vs Telling is an important part of a beta reader's feedback. It's subjected to scene placement, character motivation, and pacing. So, paying close attention to this can improve the reader's engagement.
Here's how you can use that in your feedback (see the image below).

https://preview.redd.it/mus17lyknz8h1.png?width=520&format=png&auto=webp&s=7ec5a0282c2d5630742daa1283963efed9f0f3c9

PS. The change of narration didn't make sense because of the lack of emotional connection with the FL in 1st chapter. Like a scene was shown, but what about her emotional state? That was missing. Hence, I implied that the change of narration was weird. Often, a common connector (e.g., a single parent struggling with life) or something ppl can relate to more easily in the first chapter can hook the readers. This seemed the most suited strategy, so my suggestions were based on this (mostly)

Editing, rewriting and humanizing of AI-written text (manually).

What I usually work on:

• Blog posts and articles
• Website or landing page content
• Emails and marketing copy
• Creative writing / short stories / fiction or non fiction books

What I focus on:

• Making the tone sound natural and human
• Fixing grammar, punctuation, and flow
• Improving clarity and structure
• Keeping original meaning intact
• Focus on targeted audience

PS. I manually edit everything.

Fiver username: saradavil123

Feel free to message me if you want something slightly custom or have questions.

Turnitin can be a real pain sometimes. A lot of students have their papers flagged as AI before they figure out the following:

1. Stop running your paper through every online tool you find.

I know it's tempting to check your writing in Grammarly, QuillBot, or whatever AI detector is trending this week, but repeatedly putting your paper into different online platforms can actually raise your AI score on Turnitin. These tools leave traces. I stopped doing this and noticed a real difference.

2. Don't just paraphrase AI; write it yourself.

Using ChatGPT or any chatbot to draft something and then rewording it still often gets flagged. To avoid this, you might want to only use chatbots as a starting point (to understand the topic, etc.), search relevant stuff on Google Labs, build your own opinion and argument, and write it yourself.
Yes, it takes longer, but it's effective.

Humanizing tools are a RISK and you won't find good ones on a budget.

What to do if you've already used AI to write a paper or paraphrased it. Here is what you can do. While editing (humanizing it manually), don't use the pattern of paragraphing or the chain of thought similar to AI. Let me explain this one. Let's say we're studying the risks involved in public loan schemes in developing countries. I fed ChatGPT my idea, and then I requested a sample literature review (because I don't know where or how to start). And I get this:

"Credit risk remains a central concern in banking and financial stability, particularly in emerging economies where institutional frameworks are evolving. It refers to the probability that a borrower will fail to meet their debt obligations, leading to financial losses for lenders. Loan performance, often measured through indicators such as non-performing loans (NPLs), repayment rates, and default ratios, reflects the effectiveness of credit allocation and monitoring systems.

In developing economies like Pakistan, credit risk dynamics are further influenced by macroeconomic volatility, regulatory frameworks, and government-led financial inclusion initiatives. Recent loan schemes introduced after 2020—particularly in response to economic disruptions—have added a new dimension to credit risk assessment."

Notice how it talks about credit risk as a growing concern, then defines it, and then introduces another term, loan performance, and defines that as well. After that, it moves on to developing countries. That's the pattern you might want to avoid, because most chatbots will follow a similar one. By avoiding this, you're breaking the chain of patterns that can be flagged as AI-generated.

These two ways have worked so well for some students. I really hope this was useful.

A lot of manuscripts aren't bad, there's just a wide gap between what the writer intended and what the readers are perceiving. Some of the case I've widely experienced are:

• The plot and dialogues are good, but the characters are flat, i.e., one character's tone is similar to another. That's a classic case of a new writer using AI's help to write a particular scene. And the best remedy for that is helping the writer shape the characters and giving feedback on character development.
• The dialogues are perfect, but the writer is using action markers like "smirked" and "lips curled", etc too many times. That's a writer who needs feedback not on plot or character development, but more on pacing and narration along with where to "show" and "tell."
• Some writers end up having plot holes just because of a slight problem with character motivation, or time gaps between scenes, etc.

And most of the time, the writer already feels this. They just can’t pinpoint it. That's why beta readers are so important.

That’s honestly my favourite part of beta reading! Giving feedback that the writer needs, not just wants!

Clarity of feedback is very important. Often, new writers require developmental editing and beta reading focused on the overall reader's experience and expectations.

While honesty is necessary, one can't be brutal with someone's work. At times like this, it's best to be kind yet honest.

If you're seeking someone who will go above and beyond your expectations, without using any AI, send me a DM. It doesn't primarily have to be about a manuscript; you can also reach out to me for writing help or simply for advice.

Acknowledged for beta-reading services in John Russell's rom-com named, Among the Vines.

I primarily read second-chance romance, paranormal fantasy, crime and mystery thrillers, and other genres.

Genres that're so much better with a bit of coffee and a book in hand.

Hope this helps!

Sara.

A lot of manuscripts aren't bad, there's just a wide gap between what the writer intended and what the readers are perceiving.

• The plot and dialogues are good, but the characters are flat, i.e., one character's tone is similar to another. That's a classic case of a new writer using AI's help to write a particular scene. And the best remedy for that is helping the writer shape the characters and giving feedback on character development.
• The dialogues are perfect, but the writer is using action markers like "smirked" and "lips curled" etc. That's a writer who needs feedback not on plot or character development, but more on pacing and narration along with where to "show" and "tell."
• Some writers end up having plot holes just because of a slight problem with character motivation, or time gaps between scenes etc.

And most of the time, the author already feels this. They just can’t pinpoint it. That's why beta readers are so important.

Hope this helps!
Sara.