How do I (23F) learn to deal with my sister (27F) who does really immature and rude things?
I love my sister and we’re very close.
However, over the past few years, she continuously crosses my boundaries and acts very insensitive. She does extremely rash things without thinking. as a recent example, my family was at a fast food restaurant and my dad was eating some French fries. Without thinking. My sister puts her used tissue that she blowed her nose, into the bag of French fries my dad was eating (there was one fry left and a few crumbs, it wasn’t that bad but still) this made him extremely angry because it’s so insensitive.
As for the main issue that happened today, my sister is in a tough spot financially… yet she just spent 25+ dollars on a key chain this past weekend. Today, when we went to get lunch together, she gave me a super hard time about spotting her. For a long time now, she expects other people to pay for her food. And honestly this shit pisses me off. She said that I should be okay with spotting her and paying for lunch because I get an allowance from our dad. I said to her “just because I get an allowance I have to be a bank for you?” Then she said that her friend Josh would spot her and he less money than I do and less privilege. She said “how can someone who has less money than you be more giving?” This made me really angry. I have taken care of her when she was sick, I have gone to her art conventions to support her, I’ve driven up to her apartment to hang out or give her food many times. I said that I am just as giving if not more than her friend Josh. It’s just because her friends tell her what she wants to hear all the time, that she puts them on a fucking pedestal. You guys, this is a 27 year old woman who still puts her frequents above her family. She has such a thick skull and I always have to repeat my boundaries, over and over and over again.
I try so hard not to be sensitive to the stupid shit she says, to let her say dumb stuff and do what she wants. But I’m tired of this dynamic and I don’t now how to change my reaction to her behavior. Her saying that her friend who has less and is more giving than me just hurt. And I’ve been through therapy and I’ve tried my best to learn to deal with my sister who makes me feel this way. I know now that I can’t change her behavior, but it’s just so hard when she says things like that…. Maybe I need to put more distance between us? I’m not sure.