Happy that I'm not with my ex anymore
Slightly long story. Just want to get this off my big chest haha
We broke up last year kasi kupal sya na mahilig sa jokes. Feel nya lahat ng solutions sa mga problema pwedeng i-daan sa jokes.
Anyway today nagkaroon ako ng realization na thankful ako at break na kami. Isa sa mga shows na pinanood namin magkasama noon is The Boys. From 1st season onwards ang ganda ganda ni Erin Moriarty aka si Starlight pero nung season 4 ata biglang nag "iba" raw mukha nya. Idk if nagpabotox sya or anything, basta yung ex ko, he chalked it up as getting plastic surgery and pangit na pangit na sya sa kanya non.
Napa-isip ako non na baka hindi naman plastic surgery lang meron, baka meron health issues si Erin kaya nag-iba looks nya. OA nya nga eh, halos same lang naman itsura ni Erin non, pumayat lang yung mukha pero ang ganda pa rin. Pero sabi nya kahit na ba raw, in english pa kasi bobo yun mag tagalog (pinalaki ng mama nya na mag-english lang kahit di naman sila taga US. baduy eh).
Ngayon ko lang nalaman na may Graves disease si Erin. May post about sa kanya na healthy looking na sya and it's true. I'm not going to say na alam ko yung ins and outs ng illness na yon pero all i can read up on is it's an autoimmune disease that makes the thyroid produce too much thyroid hormones. It's in regards to your hormones and alam naman ng mga tao kung gaano kahirap magmaintain ng health if hormones are involved.
It got me thinking today na thankful ako kasi nagkaroon kami ng argument before na what if tumaba ako and maggain ng weight kasi may chance na may PCOS ako? Hindi ganon kadaling maglose ng weight with PCOS, but it IS possible. Ang argument ko kasi non is hindi lang naman sa food yung sole reason na baka maggain ako ng sobrang weight pero may role ang hormones and PCOS ko. Sagot nya? Exercise lang and if tamarin akong "i-take care yung sarili ko", edi iiwan nya ako. As if me taking meds and various ways to manage my health isn't taking care of myself enough. Di rin ako pwede sa high intensity weight loss exercises kasi may back injury ako na well-aware sya. (Also confirmed late last year na meron akong PCOS lmao tangina)
The point i want to tell lang is sobrang judgemental nya towards sa mga babae. Wala syang pake if may sakit or underlying sickness yung babae, he's going to shift the argument na "bakit yung ibang babae, kapag may sakit parang hindi halata?" or if meron akong period "bakit ang intense mo ngayon? Hindi naman ganyan ate ko kapag meron sya eh", etc. Dati pa ko natakot na magkaroon ng anak kasama sya kasi what if i-brush off and invalidate nya lang din mga sakit ko by then? Maging extremely moody ako during pregnancy or magkaroon ng post-partum depression tapos icocompare ako sa mama nya, or mga nanay ng kaibigan nya na "hindi naman ganyan"?
Siguro thankful din ako kasi ako mismo di pa ready sa ganong relationship. Na medyo tinakot ko sarili ko sa potentially bad outcome ng actions nya towards sakin. Pero his actions and words says otherwise eh.
The fear of getting judged by the person who should protect and look out for you stings. Tagos sa dibdib yung sakit, tbh. But from the way he judged me, my underlying conditions and his judgement towards sa ibang babae, i'm glad we're done na.
Kaya A, fuck you. I'm glad kupal ka and we broke up. Liit-liit ng tite pero ang laki ng ulo tsaka 5'2 ka lang. Short-stacked crybaby bitch. Yuck.