I give up all but God.
For a while now I been struggling with Lust. It been trying so Hard to get rid of it but over and over and it finds it way back. In my days of Pornography it just kept going further down the root. Getting eviler and eviler. And I grieve. Avoid it for a week or longer and repeats. But today it basically broke me. And I can't get my ears opened enough to hear Him.
So this originally is a cause from loneliness. I do not have a relationship. And as of now. I must go the other direction. I must find a way to defeat this to victory not with my own Soul Level but God's. But this is such a struggle. So I don't think God wants me to have a relationship right now. But the one with him. He is my relationship.
So I been thinking about the Imortant Commandment. Matthew 22:37
And he said to him, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.
What is a relationship with anyone else when I cant even focus on the one with the Lord as well in Spirit and not in the flesh. I want to Put God First. So I wanna wake up and call to Him. I want to call him before doing any type of task. I want to even pray to him even before watching a movie, games, art, and all that I do. So I can focus better on him. And be more obedient.
But my Mind surely fights. Its sometimes aginst God and the Ememy is trying so hard to get me away from the Faith.
So I ask for Prayers for my Walk. I have not a clue whats to come now. As my Mind is a Wretched. And Hurts..
I also struggle with ADHD and Autism. And it's hard to deal with my mind. Specially with Axeity and Anger.
