u/secretlyswos

my book already has a cover but i wanna change it. looking for a designer who would do the cover exactly as per my needs and in accordance w the book’s theme. i can pay 10000 INR over UPI to the final designer. i need to look at your designs first. NO AI scammers please.

i think ive fallen in love w someone who is considerably older (around 10 years), of a different religion and stays in a completely different state. no matter how much i try, i just can’t move on from him. the time i spent w him keeps coming back to my head. it has been a few months since i actually saw him but otherwise he has texted/ called me a few times later.

i always pretend as if i have no feelings for him to the point of making him feel i don’t care on his face but he has no clue of what is going on inside my head. even when we met, we knew our lives would never allow us to marry. this compounded the emotional tension between us even more when we were together.

it’s like i always want to talk to him or find ways to visit him. im always imagining what i’d say to him and how. im always imagining throwing tantrums on him given how he happily takes them all irl. it’s like i know he’ll carry me around so well cuz i already experienced it first hand.

my helplessness makes me sad. it’s like im always looking at my phone for his text although i won’t even reply properly. im engulfed by avoidance and love. if we go by the literal definition of actual love, then ig ive already fallen way too deep. it’s just that i know it won’t lead to what i want in life.

what do i do? i cannot focus on exams or anything. his emotional intensity around me and care keep revisiting me. i feel protected when he’s there. how do i handle the reality?

his family knows me and they are connected as well. my family knows him as well. neither side will accept something like marriage. i don’t want love without marriage. i feel so cooked.