u/seno898a

I have been curious about her (because the cover was so confusing to me) since I discovered the band 4 years ago. I assumed she was member of the band, but turns out she was the girlfriend of Stuart around the time their first album was released.

There is close to nothing known about her. That's a bit shocking for me because of how present she is in the iconography of the band when it was being formed. Even before Tigermilk, she was on a poster for one of their shows in 1994.

Also she's on another poster being their first EP Dog on Wheels, which was all demo tracks recorded before the band was formed (from the wiki: "In fact, the only long-term band members to play on the songs were Murdoch, David, and Mick Cooke, who played trumpet on the EP but would not officially join the band until a few years later"). Which makes her feel intentionally essential for the band's early years with them being recorded before it's formation (although that might not be the case).

And after that she just vanished.

I hope that this doesn't sound like it about wanting to uncover anything about her private life, and I don't mean to imply that she owes anyone information about herself or that her private life should be investigated. I'm just genuinely curious about her as a person, especially because she was so closely involved with the band's earliest years. I'd love to know anything that was stated either by her or by the rest of the band/their songs, about things like her career, interests, or life after that period, but I also understand that there may simply not be much out there.

TL;DR: I'm (21NB) a queer ex-Muslim living away from my family in Toronto. My family doesn't know this, except my older sister (26F) knows part of it. My dad wants me to move in with my sister when she immigrates to Canada, but living with family again would mean hiding my identity, changing how I live, which will end up hurting my mental health. I want to support my sister however I can, just not by living together. How do I explain that to my family when I can’t reveal why?

I (21NB) have been living in Toronto for a few years. My parents lived here before my birth (so we all have the citizenship), but they moved back to my home country because my parents thought it would be better to raise me and my siblings there (to avoid raising us in “the sinful Western life”). They thought that we could go back when me and my siblings grew up, and I expected that to happen right after high school.

I placed a lot of effort into getting into a good university here because I wanted to distance myself from my family. I don’t hate them or any of that. I spent my last few months with them trying to better our relationship and be the best I can be for them, and I’m ready to help them whenever they need me, but I don’t want to live under the same roof as them, for a few reasons. First, like most people, general independence and the family dynamic just isn't healthy (there was always a lot of anger, everyone tended to lash out on everyone, so I wanted to remove myself from that environment). But besides that I’m queer and an ex-Muslim. My family doesn't know about this, except for my older sister (26F), who found an application I wrote for a Pride parade volunteering position.

To clarify the religion part, it will add a lot of tension to every aspect of my life. For example, I will have to change how I eat to abide by the Islamic rules, the decor of my room will have to change (I’ll have to get rid of some queer stuff, pictures, some books, posters and vinyls, etc.), I won’t be able to bring people over or do that much with friends, even leaving the house to go on a date or going out will get really weird (you could say just don’t tell them but it would be obvious where I’m going or coming back from based on how I’m dressed or when I come back). So many constraints will be placed on me based on something I have no belief in. I don’t feel like I’m putting into words how bad this is, so I hope you have the experience or the imagination to understand where I’m coming from. There will for sure be a lot of tension, and the resentment will snowball into oblivion. That’s without going into the queer aspect.

I can’t just tell my family about these aspects of myself, at least not until I’m fully financially independent.

I should get to the point by now. My older sister (who knows about my sexuality, isn’t happy about it but hasn’t changed how she treats me, doesn’t know about my gender or my religious beliefs) is planning to come live in Toronto. My dad has been saying that I should move out and live somewhere with her. The problem is how do I explain to them why I don’t think this is a good idea? I can’t just say what I said on this post since I can’t talk to them about my identity, so what do I even say?

I have only talked to my sister about it, so I don’t know why my dad thinks this is a good idea, but I would guess that he thinks that family should live together and that it’s my obligation to my sibling to help them with something like this, and probably some religious beliefs around women not being allowed to live without men.

My sister likes the idea because she’s afraid of what comes with moving to a new country, and being with someone you know will make it a lot easier for her. I understand that. I have gone through it, and I’m willing to help her as much as I can, but not to an extent that significantly compromises my identity and mental health.

So again, how do I explain my issues with this living arrangement to them?

Edit:

I'm not financially independent. I have been looking for a job, but I have a year left to finish uni and probably another 2 years after that for graduate studies. Even if I find a job, I won't be able to cover my tuition or the rest of my living expenses.
They know that for my lease I just need an early notice and then I can move out. So I can't lie about that.

What do we know about Joanne Kenney?

I (21NB) don't want to live with my sister (26F) and need help explaining it to her and my family.

Any clubs good for making new friends?